I recently have been able to spend a great deal of time with a old and dear friend of mine. During this time we have been able to reconnect our lives and our friendship in ways that had gotten lost through the passing of time and the divide of space. It has been wonderful to share, explore and entrust in one another the stories of our hearts and reveal the fears of our spirits.
I a recent discussing we were having I shared my desire to find courage. In my meditations and quiet moments I have come to realize how deeply lost I felt in the sense of understanding my ability to courageously be. Along my spiritual journey I have opened many doors, revealed many secrets, faced many fears, and let go of many knots. Yet, facing myself, the was still something missing, something vacant in my being.
One day there was a shift in my understanding. There was a clear and direct image that came to mind and when it did, I heard it. Over and again I saw the image and heard the whisper. Courage. Courage. Courage.
When all of this washed over me I realized how clearly the truth of the word was to my current condition. For many, courage would not be the word that came to mind when they thought of me. Perhaps how they view me as an ever dominant and direct personality, would not be at all the way they would describe me or in fact how I would have described myself. None the less, let me never again mistake hurt and fear for courage.
And now, a little over a month after a conversation with my friend, I sit in the middle of a foreign land finding the light of courage buried deep within the very meaning of the word; finding it deep within my heart. As deeply as I traverse the scars of my soul, ironically I am finding the light of the universe. What keeps us from seeing the light outside of ourselves and in those that surround us is our inability to see the light within our very existence.
For so long I have been searching outside of myself to achieve the goals and dreams established by a fragile spirit. So long has it been waiting to be given the chance to sing the very spirit of all I am through the creation of healing, work and story. So long being hurt by the opportunities perceived lost and taken. So long waiting and so long misunderstood.
And now, as I stand beside myself in reflection I see that there is a seed of courage that needs to be tended. There is a small trace of a life beginning again and becoming. It is a time of deepening and a time of understanding. It is time to nurture the light of courage so it is to eventually shine brightly. Hopefully shine so that others might see the light in my eyes, my hands and in my dances.
Architecture of the Heart 