Small Moments/Small Breaths

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art, changes, Dance, Dance Appreciation, Dance Forms, dance makers, dance making, dancer makers, dancers, dancing, Existence, faith, humanity, learning, lessons learned, me, observations, sharing, space, thoughts, truth

Small Moments/Small Breaths

Strangled by the separation of bodies in motion in shared spaces and the need to push forward in “uncertain” times I have finally come to a point where I no longer feel confident and secure in pushing forward. Sure, I have had to find the strength and courage to be there for the students and to be able to find the ability to keep on keeping on, but honestly, it has been a lot to carry and at times hard to breathe.

Once classes had ended I found myself a drift in these new spaces and new ways of figuring out what to do. Like so many, I struggled with not being able to be in the same space with all of these incredible bodies searching, striving and living the beauty of a body in motion artfully shaping space with incredible precision and grace. The lack of being present in the moment of transformation hurts the kinetic spirits of a community of movement. And no matter how much I am supposed to be brave, confident and courageous, alas I don’t think I am succeeding.

In  many ways this is good to be able to recalibrate and ask so many necessary questions. I believe this as well as believe that in the end this will be a moment of courageous change and a necessary shift for the field and for how dance lives in academia. Truth be told I have never seen myself as a “company” kind of artist nor one that is constantly academically justifying outcomes in an art form that, for me, is all about the process of discovery.

Within the context of this time, how do we reframe the ways in which we see ourselves within the field, within the our process and within our dreams? When being a body in artful motion has been in many ways irreversibly changed, how does one continue to find the surface of the waters of darkness to just catch a little breath to fill the lungs of hope?

Of course I am moving! I still continue to share EBAS classes with folks from all over finding new discoveries and new ways of being in communion. Sure I take long walks with Beathan and find myself in motion on so many levels. Yet, my heart is broken by the inability to be in communities of movement artists to grapple with new concepts and ideas together while watching and encouraging play and exploration.

As many know I am very much an introvert but being in a classroom either leading or collaborating is the way in which I am able to find connection, compassion and a fulfilled heart. I must say being alone isn’t lonely when the work you do on a daily basis is in community and in the love and passion for your work.

One of the things I love most about teaching is the extremely intimate hands on approach that I engage in with my students. I have healing hands and consider myself more a healer than a teacher, choreographer or artist. Certainly more so than an academic. Be that as it may, when the ability to physically connect and create a space of sensorial exploration and transformation is removed from your daily experience, it is crushing and suffocating to say the least.

So now that having to put on my big boy pants and carry on has come to a close, I must admit I am at a loss now that even the smallest amount of connection to movement and students has dried up. Now it is a matter of asking questions and spending a great deal of time accessing new ways of moving and perhaps new ways of making. Yet, I am not interested in the many forms that people are suggesting and pretending that it is just the way we have to carry on. I certainly understand that we need to move forward and figure it out, but still my heart breaks at the love lost in the ways that have meant so much to me.

Truth be told I am not a dance for camera person. It is a great field and there is so much great work happening, but it is simply just not something for me. Many of the directions we are being asked to explore are not for me nor am I particularly interested in being a part of. There are so many wonderful artists already doing this great work and exploring those avenues. I am just not one of them. No, I am one of those artists that lives and breathes the body and craves the discoveries and all the wisdom that a body in motion shares in that process. Is it so wrong to JUST want to be that? Is it a crime to not want to pretend that I am desperately afraid of losing the kind of physical corporeal wisdom that I value above all else?

So then why is it I feel I am not connecting to all of these new ways and that I am just not capable of pretending to be “going with the flow”? While I mourn the loss of contact and the physicality and exuberance of training and performing, do I still have to pretend that all of this doesn’t matter? Is pretending that the heart is broken and still carrying on a healthy thing to do or can we breathe and ask ourselves the kinds of questions we need to ask in a more calm, rational and open space?

This is the thing about calamity, we turn into very reactive individuals trying to solve problems that we have no answers for but feel we need to do it in the first place simply because we are falling prey to the corporatization of academia, the field and the prioritization of outcome or product driven models of success. Wouldn’t it be the time to breathe and ask ourselves some deep seated questions about how to move forward while truly addressing issues in the field that have continued to be overlooked? Would it be nice to stop the train and have conversations that are necessary in having to actually work in community rather than work as individuals in a community cloaked in the very models of suppression that exist?

I would most certainly welcome the space and time to share and grapple with how we are all feeling and move from a place of empathetic understanding as the beginnings of discovering the kind of field that is necessary at this time and the kind of field dance has the potential to be. If we find ourselves coupling together in the energy of survival, how are we asking ourselves clear questions through the lens of creative change instead?

In my meditations I keep on hearing the body whisper “small movements. small breaths”. It is a recurring phrase that I hear but am not quite sure how to translate. The one thing I do know is it is suggesting small and conscious steps through conscious movement with conscious breath. I also think it is a response to the broken heart missing movement, connection and the joy of that collaboration. Perhaps slowing down into the present moment of every action with the awareness of that moment is the best way for me at this time to find the courage and confidence to breathe deeply in movement again.

Perhaps this is all I have to hold on at this moment as I figure out where I wish to go next. Perhaps this is the way of asking myself the questions of my intentions within the field and the kind of artist I wish to be moving forward. Perhaps this is the moment to question whether the kind of artist I am is viable at this moment or will the way I have loved working ever have value in the same way. Perhaps small movement and small breaths will be the way in which I am able to answer these questions finding a path the brings peace back to my heart.

Back to Body

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artful body, beauty of the body, body, body knowledge, changes, conscious body, health, health and well being, Home, humanity, listening to the body, open body, speaking body., well being, wellness

When I return to my body

I return home

When I sit quietly with this beautiful body

I sit in immense gratitude

When I remember my body speaks

I remember to listen in love

When I am lost and the noise of the world immense

I look within to find the grounding of spirit

When I return to spirit

I return to body

 

Revealing the Light

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changes, courageous heart, Courageous Vulnerability, development, Existence, fear, friends, humanity, inspiration, learning, lessons learned, life, light, love, sharing, society, thoughts, truth, Vulnerable, vulnerablitiy, Writing

There is light within us all. Regardless of where we come from, what we believe, who we are or what we have done; light resides in each and every one of us and animates our souls. Sometimes this is hard to feel and to know as so many are struggling with so much and simply moving through the day is often a huge weight to bear. And yet, I assure you there is light within. After all you are the light of the universe and that light is in the very essence of your DNA.

So how does one journey to reveal the light within? How is it that we can find a way to peel away the institution of crippling fear? There is no simple answer nor direct path, but there is a place to start. That starting point is learning to claim your light by recognizing that vulnerability is your greatest asset as well as the seed of what makes you uniquely you and gives authenticity to your voice as a beautiful light filled human being with something to offer this world.

Yes, vulnerability is the place where you must live to stand in the face of your fear. Standing on the legs of a courageous heart takes work and it takes pride. Be proud of what you are even if it is not the same as the people around you or like any other person you know. Be proud to state your name, your love, your vision and your truth. Be mindful not to hide away what you deem to be unworthy or not good enough. Doing so will hold you back from what your soulful desires actually are.

As a child I lived in a place of vulnerability and truth but allowed the world around me swallow that innocence and love. Scolded and shamed into no longer trusting the instincts and visions, a young boy became a young man who hid away what others did not understand or even know possible. Hiding the abilities that have been so graciously given strangles the very nature of our true being. And if we are not living in our most honest and vulnerable selves, we are no longer living because we no longer live in the presence of unconditional love. We no longer reside in the place of self love that is necessary for every single relationship we encounter be it romantic and otherwise.

So now I stand in courageous vulnerability to face the fears that have overcome the child within and the wisdom of the heart. Fear is no longer welcome when light shines on its darkness. When light shines it creates shadow. On the other side of shadow is a place for fear for we need to know it is there at all times but our awareness of it is partly what powers and empowers us to stand and face it. Peeling back the layers of a closed heart will release the light that lives in the spirit of the heart. We can stand firmly in the face of fear when we realize there is no greater place to live our lives than to be standing in the face of courageous vulnerability.

And as I challenge you, I challenge myself. As I turn to face my own fears I encourage you to do the same. Yet, do it in the ways that make sense to you and in the ways that feel right for you. We all own our own fears and therefor need to face and embrace them in the ways that work for us. Welcome tiny steps to build the kind of momentum that will transform your being. After all, momentum favors the willing. Be willing and therefor you will be. Be and you shall become.

Reveal the light that you are.

The entire light.

Learning to Recognize the Moment of Transformation

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art, changes, faith, humanity, inspiration, learning, lessons learned, observations, sharing, space, thoughts, truth

There comes a time when we recognize the moment in which our life turns a corner. That realization to face the change with courage, dignity and humility is a quintessential pivot in our consciousness as well as in our well-being. This is a defining moment and one that will transform us and our lives completely.

Often times we are unable to recognize these miraculous moments due to the cacophony of noise that surrounds our everyday existence not to mention the noise residing in our own mind. When we are immersed in such noise we know we have succumbed to the betrayal of our authentic selves and have fallen into the falsehood of intellect rather than the intelligence of the heart.

One way to unravel this strangle hold is to immerse oneself into the reorganization of the physical body through conscious training by cultivating an intimate relationship in which the body is the tool to reestablish our relationship to ourselves. This is crucial to being able to create both the physical and emotional space for realigning the vibrations of a healthy being.

There are so many ways to go about this awakening. So many movement modalities and practices that one can connect with to foster a healthy relationship with mind/body. Whatever the practice you choose, give it time. Patience is a required element in the equation for peace and physical and spiritual well-being. Allowing yourself to explore time in an unconventional way so as to suspend habitual or conditional thinking will nurture a new physical paradigm.

Just as it takes time to train the ears to hear, the eyes to see and the heart to speak; so too is it necessary to give space to time to press open a moment allowing the body to unravel itself through its own weight and its own wisdom. Give yourself to the magnitude of your being so as to recognize the moment when the universe opens the door to the greatest road map for success, prosperity and spiritual bliss.

Let Me Be

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art, Existence, faith, humanity, inspiration, life, love, Love Between Men, love for all, loving, me, observations, sand, sharing, Sky, thoughts, travel, truth, water

Let me be Sand

Let me be Water

Let me be Sky

Let me be that which is below, beside and above

Let me surround you with all I am so you never question my love

Let me sustain you with all I am so you know I am always there for you

Let me satisfy you with all I am so you trust your heart, your beauty and your grace

Let me be Sand

Let me be Water

Let me be Sky

Learn to Listen to your Body.

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bodies in motion, body, body knowledge, conscious body, health, open body

 

Learning to listen to the body is at the center of training the body in any movement modality or technique. There are countless lens’s in which people engage in movement or physical practices in which they are drawn to and find a connection with. The most significant realization across this vast spectrum is that the body is the constant in every single one. And while different aesthetics or practices focus on different aspects of the body, ultimately, the body functions as a human body regardless.

If we allow ourselves to turn inward to recognize sensations of movement and techniques we allow ourselves to connect more fully to our physicality and to the spirit within that vessel. When we focus on the external picture, image or end result we no longer feel with the heart but see something outside and separate of ourselves. If we can learn how to see with our sensations we will learn to feel with our hearts. If we learn to do this more deeply, we will find a deeper consciousness with our physical tool and understand how to ask more graciously of it and build a sense of communication with a body that has an intelligence we seldom allow to be tapped.

Our culture doesn’t quite afford us this luxury. But in fact, it is not a luxury at all. What it is, is absolutely necessary. We can no longer work in a disconnected fashion any longer and expect to function authentically if we separate the head from the body and the brain from the body’s brain. The art of movement; artistic, fitness or sport, deserves a more profound relationship with spirit and body in order for more soulful action, physical sustainability and holistic well being. It is time to honor the body as a significant partner in our journey rather than a work horse to ride for selfish satisfaction only to be discarded when it no longer can support the human ego.

What if it is possible to gain without pain? What if it is possible to achieve without the brutality of body? What if you might train faster while achieving greater physical success? It is possible. It really is possible. The key to achieving this is simply to choose the present moment of practice in order to feel the information being shared in the now. Our past has brought us to this place in life and in order to move forward we must accept that it has served us up until now but that we do not have to let it hold our physicality from experiencing the magnitude of our potential. We can be so much more than our ego let’s us. Let your body speak to you and tell you what it needs. Listen to the wisdom of its physicality to speak the truth of what it can be.

 

Borderland

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body, body knowledge, Chi, Energy, faith, healing, humanity, light, space, truth, well being, wellness

I live in the Borderland. It is a space between Here and Now, Before and After and the Known and Unknown. It is a vast space of reality in which many are called and seldom journey; A space of infinite physical wisdom and healing understood by all beings of this world. It is a silent, unspoken culture in which miracles live and breathe. Because of this great energy and light physical and emotional healing coexist. This is an immense and immeasurable vibration that surround all creatures enveloping them in the waters of creativity and life.

When in the Borderland one has great faith in the miracles of the healing body. You are encouraged to allow the body to do what it was designed to do; to heal itself and to know the journey of wellness through being one with the body’s brain and the Borderland itself. Listen to the body and you will transport yourself to this space of wellness. Listen to your body and you will be graced with an abundance of healing. The body craves wellness which is its optimal place of being. It longs to return to the Borderland to be whole.

have faith in the miracles of the body and you will know the power of relentless possibility. You will find yourself within an intelligent body that understands what it needs and how to achieve the state of wellness. When you listen, you will know yourself. And when you allow yourself this immense vulnerability, you will have allowed yourself the journey to the Borderland.

This Is What I Do.

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art, Ballet, contemporary ballet, contemporary dance, Dance, dancing, humanity, inspiration, lessons learned, space, truth, work

In my movement meditations I often return to the grateful mind space and acknowledge that I am so very fortunate to be here in this space and at this time. There have been countless times when life should have been taken from me save some miraculous cradling of the universe itself. Too many unexplainable events which should have erased me from this moment. And in those brief seconds of recollection, I am reminded to once again be grateful.

And so it is with this sensibility that I find myself in connection and concert with others bodies and their hearts. I have not chosen the path of the empath, but I certainly have learned how to embrace it as best I can. And still, I have much learning on how to be even better with these skills I have been given. With such skill comes a responsibility that known really knows how to prepare for.

I do what I do not for the same reasons others do this profession. Dance is not my life nor is the teaching of dance my life. Yes, I do make dances and I do shape dancers, but there is something far more profound that I take part in that often gets lost in the overall ego consuming work of this field. That work is the transformation of body and spirit through the bridge building of conscious sensation. One can never go back once one understands the power of synesthesia.

This moment of connected consciousness and the empowerment that happens for those individuals that understand the undeniable energy available to them is unquestionably the moment I live for. The moment of physical embodiment and enlightenment of the pure power of potential one possesses. It is this moment that transforms the spirit as it unravels the many untruths it has learned through fear and shame.

Take the Moment to Remember. Take this Moment to Love.

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art, Ballet, changes, contemporary ballet, contemporary dance, faith, humanity, inspiration, lessons learned, life, me, modern dance, observations, truth

I picked up my phone last night to find a text from a very dear student of mine whom I have a very special place in my heart. He has become a truly amazing individual both as a human being as well as an artist thriving in the world. When I read his text I had to catch my breath for a moment and remember to be forever grateful for this incredible life I have been gifted.

Perhaps I was especially moved due to attending graduation this weekend as well. I looked at the faces of some of the most talented individuals one could know and marveled at their strength and their courage to set out in the world to follow their bliss. There they are at the precipice of forever and boldly moving forward to say “yes, I can do this!”. And boy, can they.

I am so proud of the students who go through our program. I am so lucky to be a part of their journey as well as to do so with the colleagues that I have. We work as a team to encourage and foster their skills and abilities as no one person can do such thing alone. Another remarkable opportunity to engage with colleagues that continue to teach me as well.

When I look through my feed on Facebook and see the tremendous achievements our students have I am astounded by the incredible changes they are making in the world and how much light and love they are bringing through the paths they have decided to take. Their success is not always in dance but in the work they choose to do that they come to through dance. Some of the successes are profound and are having an an amazing ripple effect in this world. There they are standing in the face of these turbulent times and they are solid, steadfast and brilliantly shining a light in the dark. I so marvel at their bravery and their hearts. Yes, all of their hearts.

This always reminds me that regardless of what somebody ends up doing or decides to do, the following of their hearts is the only success that truly matters. And I honestly believe that a degree in dance helps you to realize your bliss because not only does it train you to be able to do incredible things with your body, it fosters resiliency of the heart in addition to having the super power of creatively seeing the world to solve its problems. Yes, these dancing students are not civilians, they are super hero’s making their way in the world and a better place for all of us in it.

So when a text comes to saying they are thinking of me and that they love me, I am reminded to keep on loving. Even in the times when I am exhausted from fighting to share what it is I know or wondering if the information I have is relevant, I need to tell myself to hush up. Those issues are my insecurities. The love of what I do is worth the fight. The love learned through the art form is worth the fight. And yes, I am continually evolving so the work is more relevant than ever. So hush up. Look at all these brilliant students standing in the light and waving the sword of brilliance. If they can do it, the least you can do is reflect them and honor them and do it to. Be as good as you can so that perhaps they might be as proud of you as you are them.

Thirty Day’s of Thoughts: Day Fourteen

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ageing, changes, Existence, faith, health, inspiration, learning, lessons learned, life, me, observations, space, thoughts

The Boy Within

 

This morning I leaned in and asked myself who this salt and pepper faced man was in place of me at my bathroom sink. I stared into his eyes as a razor peeled back the faint hint of myself. It is me who stands in this mans body. It is I, the boy within. When did I become this man I do not recognize as self? Who’s body is this that I cannot feel as my own? When did the feelings of a boy become the body of a man?

 

It is a funny feeling to recognize oneself and yet not feel as if you are the person that stands in front of your reflection. Time has passed and yet it has not changed the youthful and inquisitive spirit within. I don’t feel as if I am any different on the inside than I did when I was young man embarking on a life of physical kinetic bliss. I still believe I am capable of so much physical articulation and authenticity. And yet, time has been speaking to my body and I have not been paying attention.

 

Am I naïve to think this boy within is telling me the truth or should I listen to the shell of myself and fall to the prescribed image and generally accepted truth that ageing is unkind? Should I listen to my heart that speaks of laughter, joy and love and the willingness to be open to love or should I accept that I will be alone and loveless simply because of the face staring back at me seems to be weary with time?

 

Do I lie to myself that I am beginning once again and that to be in this space of renewal is a part of a positive outlook on life or should I swallow the truth of the world that encourages me to grow old gracefully? Does this mean I acquiesce to the idea of aging? Has my spiritual belief system clouded my reality with the idea of living energetically well ignoring the fact that time still passes and ravages the physical?

 

I pulled myself away from the mirror to continue to get ready for the day ahead. A day full of movement guided by a consciousness that only I can know of myself. What I see on the inside is a body open and willing to do what I request. What I see on the outside is not the external representation of that thought.

 

And so I go forward to begin again; to become again. I am a beginners mind in a experienced body. And if I listen more keenly, might I understand more readily the needs of this physical self. May I reintroduce myself, this boy within, to the man that carries him around.