Happy Birthday, Bright Light!

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Today marks the fourth human year around the sun for my beautiful boy, Beathan. We have been together for three and a half years since his adoption/rescue and it seems as though I perhaps was the one who won that lottery of love that day. No, I am sure of it.

You see, oddly enough, Beathan was born on the same day as his older brother (not known to him) passed away. His name was Baxter. He unfortunately passed naturally as his body gave out due to thyroid issues and he left this place at a rather young age. He too was a brilliant light and was very much an energy that lit the way for me on so many levels.

The irony of Baxter’s passing and the breath of life being given to Beathan on the same day has not been lost on me. As a matter of fact, I don’t doubt for one second Baxter is not living to light the way through and with Beathan. Their energy, light and love are too coincidental. I often feel on many levels Baxter is reminding me of many things through Beathan’s actions. Too many similarities to not recognize.

None the less, Beathan, in his own beautiful way, is yet another reminder of unconditional and never ending love. His sweetness is felt by so many with whom he encounters and can easily sense his depth and wisdom. Let alone his protective nature for myself, and with his extended pack.

He is a light in the dark always and stares deeply into the depth of my being daily. He has taken the responsibility of gently waking me so we can connect with an early morning cuddle and heartfelt staring. Sometimes I wake and he is already there patiently waiting for the actual wake up call. And this is how we begin each and every day.

So Happy Birthday my Beautiful Light! Happy Birthday to the light that has been there for oh so very long. I am grateful for you and all you bring.

Returning to Practices

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I have been recently writing about my return to running and all that it has been doing for me energetically, physically and physiologically. There has been a tremendous return to a body in motion and this a reminder of how good movement makes, and always has, made me feel.

Today begins another return to a practice that speaks to my heart; and that is a return to swimming. Slicing water and moving with a buoyant resistance is another great reminder of what it means to move through many elements that bring great joy. This evening will see a return to a training practice of swimming and running which will shift my being for sure.

It has been a great feeling to fall back to a body in motion in other ways than just dance and EBAS. Moving in these new ways will undoubtedly expand my neural pathways and physiologically shift so many things within my body. I am looking to see how this will support both physical and emotional well being.

This return is also a reminder to really carve out time for oneself and to commit to oneself simply because we deserve it. We get lost in the doing and in the race to prove and succeed so much so that we lose a light and this lose ourselves. It is a challenge for sure and will be a clear struggle to see how to keep this moment especially upon returning to the systems of work.

I guess the thing we will really have to consider is what can I let go of and in what ways might I be able to become much more efficient and effective in my work? This will be a new journey of discovery as well. One that will challenge but also inform in ways I have not known before. Finding balance and harmony in life, love and work. A challenge for us all.

But, I do believe it is possible. I even think it will in a strange way enhance many aspects of the things I am doing and oddly increase productivity. Increase productivity but balance with the commitment of time. After all, what good is a productivity if in fact there is no other joy in one’s life.

140 Days of Sitting

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Today marks the 140th day of a meditation practice that I began as a 40 day challenge. To say that this time has been transformative would be completely denying the fullness of what sitting in peace has done for me. I am incredibly grateful for choosing to sit and practice my spiritual journey and do so with a commitment I have not had in decades.

Somewhere along the way of becoming I got lost in the going. Dreams, desires and societal and cultural expectations simply knocked me off balance. That of course is understandable when we succumb to the illusion of the busyness of being. We are sold that to be busy is to be successful. To be busy is to be validated. This is especially true in academia where I live to butter my bread.

Drifting through a sea of disillusionment it is easy to get lost when the goals are not congruent or in alignment with the true vibration of you. We think to know and yet what matters most is that we should feel to know and better yet, understand. And as the rocks tumble in this avalanche of despair we are seeing all around us, we see and feel how fear seems to be getting the best of us.

I made a conscious choice to heal while Covid ravaged our very existence. In a time of heightened fear, I chose freedom. In a time of chaos, I chose quietude. In a time of heartbreak, I chose healing. This is the key element in allowing ourselves the time and space to heal ourselves of the hurt, shame, trauma and fear that we have been collecting as well as spreading. For one can’t but help hurt others of in fact they are hurt themselves. Choosing to break the cycle of pain takes the courage to make the choice for change.

I realize not everyone believes in meditation nor is it part of many belief systems. Yet, what is part of all spiritual paths is the simple thread of the power of love that is woven through them all. For me, meditation has been a way to return to loving myself and therefore all those around me. Perhaps your path is different in the form of finding oneself, but regardless, sitting in meditation and opening the magnetic field of love that emanates from the heart is what allows for magic, wonderment and awe.

There have been many transformative, synchronistic and enchanted moments during these past 140 days. For this my heart is grateful. My body is also grateful. In addition, the energy I live in continues to make me giddy with ecstasy like I have not felt in years.

From where I sit now, all I can see is possibility. As I heal, I grow. As I grow, I become. As I become, I am able to welcome all that is in true alignment with the most beautiful vibration of me and the me that I can be. I accept and allow to do more good, no, more great in the world. I have it to give. And so I shall.

Realizing The Element of Fire

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Fire is a time of great expression and activation. It is a time of letting your creative talents, your deepest truth and your greatest story move out into the world. The fire element is about complete realization and that time is now.

We are all in the season of fire and could very much use this energy to engage our warmth, maturity and expression of life. It is in tune with the emotion of happiness and joy. And despite the heat, this is a time of movement and release.

If you can, find time this season to get a move on and see how the energy in your life shifts. See how much the body responds to this movement and really gets all things in your life moving again. Small walks. Swimming. Dancing. Movement of any kind can immediately shift you into harmony regardless of what kind it is. In fact, turn up the sound in your life and turn up and burn up the dance floor.

As a person who lives with, in and from the body; the body craves movement and so does the soul. You are energy that needs to keep moving, vibrating and pulsing in, through and about space. Space is your friend and wants to be explored. Go on an adventure and an expedition for you. Go anywhere and move yourself into wellness and well-being. Slow and steady always wins the race they say.

So when you feel like all you wish to do is check out, check in with your body and realize the incredible wellness the fire element can offer you. Be congruent with the season and move yourself to goodness and glory. Your body will thank you by pumping up the volume of all the good chemicals and proteins it makes to make you well. Go on. Move into the new body and kind of you.

When The Heart Is Open, There Shall Be Blooms

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It occurred to me today after a spin through the house that there are more orchids in bloom at one time than I have had in a long time or can even remember. It moved me quite a bit when the flash of insight passed highlighting that perhaps it could very well be due to all of the opening and blossoming of my own heart.

Could it be that the orchids are all reflecting/mirroring what it is I am feeling with all of this glorious heart work and healing? Could it be that when our energy shifts into the space of unconditional loving in all aspects of our doing, being and actions that the same energy is felt in the orchids themselves?

A wave of gratitude and grace passed over me and in fact a swelling of even more love seemed to fill and in fact overflow from my heart. And now, every time I pass one of them my heart seems to grow that much bigger and the arteries seem to flow with a freedom simply for admiring their beauty and their joy.

It made me wonder if in fact I might be in bloom again myself. Meaning, I wonder if I appear with that kind of beauty and grace to others who know or don’t know who I am? Oddly I had a young man chat me up last week and called me hottie Scottie. Struck me as a little odd but tickled me as well. Much like I am tickled by the beauty of the blooms I share my space with today.

I wonder how much more beauty can be shared by myself and the energies of my space? I wonder how much unconditional love I am capable of letting flow through this unabashed heart? I am giddy with the notion of thinking that perhaps this kind of love and energy is in fact endless since love is eternal.

Oh the joy of giving ourselves over to love and letting love be the champion of all of our lives and all of our dreams. So much gratitude for feeling the hope of love eternal once again and for finding the courage to open up and be vulnerable despite the moment of living we are currently in. May there be an endless flow for you and may you see your own beauty and grace reflected back to you in your own transformative blossoming.

Possibilities Abound

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Since Covid I have found myself giving over to healing from so much of my past that I never allowed myself the time to heal from. Despite the horrific tragedy of the pandemic and all of the lives lost and devastating heartbreak, I committed to choosing healing the heart as a way of taking time to honor the space of this moment.

A few years into what I have deemed my heart work, I am so grateful I made that choice and stuck with it as life returned to a new normal. What didn’t return was the man I was pre-pandemic. And for all of this I am able to see the immense change in who I am, what I desire and what is truly possible when one begins living from the heart and unconditional love.

As I diligently engage my meditation practice, my affirmation practice, my running practice, my waking practice, my movement practices and even my hypnosis; I see the abundance of possibilities that are there for me. Not a day goes by or a dream expressed that I don’t see the potential for a whole new life, mind and way of living.

Decisions have been made for huge shifts and transformative opportunities which slowly begin to reveal themselves in so many synchronicities and ah ha moments. I have returned to so many instinctual remembrance’s that all whisper that this is the right direction and path for my voice of the heart to begin speaking and literally singing once again.

This is the time and I realize, now more than ever, that the work I do, share and creates are needed now. My sensitivity, empathy, compassion and love is needed now. In these challenging and very turbulent times, I am needed now. As are you.

If we are going to move the world into the space of love, we all are needed now. In all of the many different ways, being and becoming; we are all so desperately needed for a time of healing for ourselves and for one another. The earth needs us. Our hearts need us. All that you love needs us.

In acknowledging that you are needed and putting the energy and focus in that loving space; possibilities will abound. You are capable of magic and miracles. We all are capable of magic and miracles. I choose magic and miracles each and every day. And let me tell you, it is divine.

Running Into Love

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I have recently committed to running again and just completed my fourth run into this new challenge. Since Covid and all the upheaval that came from all of that, I have found I needed to return to my body in a physical way outside of dance so that I could engage in a very different movement meditation than I am so used to. Running has always been that joy so I have decided it time tomorrow return to that love.

During my run today I found myself hearing this line which is the title of this post; running into love. I run without headphones and outside where I can be in nature and commune with the trees and animals to better drop into the meditative energy of what running does for me. Today was no exception and one of those download days.

When I heard running into love I immediately felt the profound connection as to what this commitment meant for me and why this return to joy was really about me running into the love of myself, my body and my spirit. Showing up for myself and letting my repetitive movement take me through space without the need to make, create or form movement for anyone rather than for myself is a huge shift for me. And that shift feels so good.

Taking the time to open my day so as to open my heart and release my legs through space has been so deeply satisfying and I can already feel the shifts both physiologically and physically in my form. Another reminder at just how quick we can transform ourselves in such little time with a simple commitment to loving ourselves in the ways that feel so very right for each and every one of us. Running just feels so right for me and reminds me that in all things, it must feel right and be in alignment with myself. If I am in that flow, transformative energy is engaged and the animation of spirit activated.

I am so grateful that I am simply showing up to run regardless of time, distance or ego. I begin and keep going until I feel like my body has done what it has needed to do. And undoubtedly, I have added distance and reduced the amount of time it takes to go those distances. Drop in, open the heart and let the magic flow. And like all things that are right for us, the good work happens right then and there. The good work of being exactly who you are, meant to be and in the act of love.

As I return to running I am invariably returning to the love of myself. Running into love is an act of rebellion in that it actively shifts mind and body to radically become the very best I can be in this moment. The very best of me loving myself, my body and this amazing life.

What are you “running” into?

Remembering The Joy Of You

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There often seems to be moments as of late when I am reminded of so many of the joys that have somehow escaped my life and I have unfortunately missed for some time. For so many of us, our lives get so busy and so focused that we lose track of the simple joys that filled our hearts and our bodies with such positive energy and happiness. Lately, by taking conscious time out for myself, I am started to feel those joys returning. And for this I am grateful.

Oddly, this isn’t as if I am searching to go back to something, but it is more like I am remembering the essence of who I am and the joys are deeply connected to that reminder. I look back over the past ten years and can see the slow numbing of the energy within that brought so many of those joys to life. During that time I lost the compass of my spirit and therefore the joys that were simple a part of the essence of my being.

Now, as I allow myself to fulfill my true nature, all of a sudden the things that brought so much joy are now re-emerging into so many aspects of my life. Fear, anger, shame and guilt are very powerful and suffocate our joys and the heartbreaking thing is that we often don’t realize it while in a state of hurt, grief or disappointment. But I assure you, the joys are still there albeit they may be presently unseen.

In fact, the joys never left you. Nor the essence of your true being. The noise, the conditioning, the chaos and the turmoil of the current moment may have buried them so deeply, but I assure you, the light of you is still there. It is your sacred energy and as we all know, you do not destroy energy, it is just transformed.

So in reality, if it was transformed once, it can be transformed again. Yes! You can return to the light if you but not by going back, but by going forward. Forge ahead so that you can meet yourself once again. Forge ahead so that you can walk in the light of you. Forge ahead so that your dreams can once again see the light of day. And remember, it is never too late.

Welcoming Inspiration

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In these turbulent times with our hearts and minds being pulled in so many different directions, it is now more important than ever to be opening ourselves up and welcoming inspiration back into our lives. If we are truly desiring transformation then we have to take this moment to allow the space for ourselves to commune with our desires and the inspiration to create a whole new life for ourselves.

When was the last time you took time out to remove yourself from the chaos and the noise and convene with nature? Is it possible for even just a few moments to sit by a tree, admire some flowers or dangle your feet in a stream? Nature speaks to us in a language that the heart understands with the heart being able to translate to us all through love.

When was the last time you took yourself to a museum, a play, to hear live music, to take an art class, to absorb all the beautiful things that the arts offer? Is it possible for just a few moments to consciously choose to let the arts speak to the heart in a language of creation which the heart understands?

It’s within these moments of pause and grace that we create the space to welcome inspiration. We have to willingly open space for ourselves to be able to listen to the majesty of nature, the magic of the arts and the creative spirit within. If we carve out these moments for ourselves we will open up space for the true nature of our beings and finally find the space to listen to our true selves.

If you wish for great change, you must make space for that change to take place. If you wish for a dream, you must willfully open time to have experiences that allow you to listen to the creative spirit within your hearts. If you want the life you always imagined, welcome inspiration within the space and time of your choosing. One moment welcomes the moment and momentum always favors the willing.

Strangling the Man Within

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Strangling the Man Within

As young boys we are taught to be strong. We are conditioned to not cry, show weakness or reveal any kind of fear. Image after image floods our minds with what it means to “be a man”. This cultural and societal training is suffocating for so many of us regardless of the spectrum sexual or masculine identity we possess at such a young age. 

This is a wheel of conditioning and constructing that has been turning, and continues to turn, that we most often don’t see or recognize it happening to us and around us. Oftentimes we don’t even have an inkling of what is happening because we have never seen or have been exposed to anything or anyone like ourselves due to the strangling of sensitivity by a cultural preference to hyper masculinity. 

Upon reflection, I had no idea what I was even doing to myself or others in the name of this conditioning. In all of this heartwork I have been doing I am unraveling the pain and hurt caused by the conflict of my sensitivity in a time of being a man. As a boy I had such a difficult time squaring my sensitivity in a world that couldn’t understand them. And for a little boy,this hurt deeply. 

Being so developmentally young I was raw within the conflict and having to live in these surroundings. This conflict then comes out in only the ways conflict can. Rage, fear, hurt, pain, anger and heartache forces you into lockdown so as not to reveal who one is but to in fact hide our true nature in addition to all of the pain simply to keep one safe. 

This safety is in fact a prison. We imprison ourselves to close off in order to survive or hide our sensitive energies. With our limited understanding we close out the world by desensitizing ourselves in the hopes of our own survival. We do so because it is all we know to find some kind of peace within all of this conflict. 

Yet, we all know this is the furthest thing from peace. We struggle to belong. I struggled deeply to belong. I did my best to survive by living around the edges so as to keep my sensitivity in check, often never understanding why I was always on the outside looking “in”. Mind you, I was somehow able to do so with love in my heart which is what I attribute to why I had so many friends and why I was so liked. All of this despite my conflict. 

One memory I have of a moment of hurt was with my dad that constantly reminds me of where I was and what I was feeling within. This was early in my teenage years before I was able to drive. My dad picked me up from a gathering of friends and something had happened during that gathering that deeply hurt me. 

As we were on the way home I was doing my best to hold back my tears and reveal my pain. Clearly I was not fully capable of hiding my sensitivity on all occasions. Who is? And so my weeping, my tears fell into the lap of silence. 

Moments like this were difficult for my dad. His conditioning did not train him how to engage with a young man who is not like what is expected or what he expected of a son. To his credit he was able to dialogue with me and try to figure out what was bothering me. It was very bold of him to try and I was appreciative of this. 

During the ride, as we were getting closer to home, he said something that has stuck with me my entire life. He said “you just have to learn how not to wear your heart on your sleeve”. Translated it says that in order to be happy you must not let yourself show vulnerability or weakness by being sensitive. 

And just like that, one retreats. We remove the heart from our sleeves and throw them out the car window in order to keep ourselves safe in hopes of success. Not sure how successful we can be as men if we are no longer living with a heart that we have thrown away. 

So we do our best to carry on with our sensitivity locked away and our hearts abandoned on the side of the road. I wonder how many hearts are lying in disarray on all the highways we travel daily? How many young boys and men have abandoned our hearts simply to belong to something that isn’t even in line with who we are? 

Is it a wonder why we live in conflict, create conflict and perpetuate conflict? Is it a wonder why we are incapable of long lasting relationships that we so desperately desire and want? Despite our sensitivity we have not learned that it is safe to move about the world without hiding ourselves from it.  

It is possible to return to the side of the road and retrieve one’s heart. I have done it. In order to do the heartwork for our spiritual salvation we must return to the side of the road where we have left it. Go back, stop the car and get out to pick it back up. Put it back on your sleeve and let it begin to beat deeply and find its way and your way home. 

Know this, you are a boy, a teen, a young man and a man regardless of where you fall in the “masculinity” and sensitivity spectrum. Regardless of your affiliation, identity or sexuality; you are a man. And this man can be sensitive. This man can be loving. This man can be vulnerable. This man can simply be the man that they are. You can be the man you are. And it is your heart that will tell you so. 

Let that man speak again. Let that man feel again.