Reflection on a Trip Around the Sun

Tags

allowing, becoming, Believing, Conscious Living, courage, courageous heart, Courageous Vulnerability, faith, heart, humanity, inspiration, journey, love, Soul to Soul, spirit, spirituality, universal consciousness, universal heart, well being

Reflections on a Trip Around the Sun

As I take a few moments to reflect on turning 54 this year I can’t help but express how grateful I am not only to be alive, but to be alive and thriving as a multidimensional human being who has chosen to live a life through the lens of love. This conscious choice has transformed my world and has allowed the space for great freedom and so much more joy. I have immense gratitude for the journey to be in a place of making a conscious choice of love to be my guiding light and true north.

I have recently accepted a new role in my life and have made a very clear and deliberate choice to lead with love and laughter and to truly be of service to every student in the department as well as to highlight the faculty and create a space of healing for us all. This is my only wish and my only agenda so as to lead with the kind of light I know is needed right now. It may sound as if this is something impossible, but in fact it is necessary and requires for all involved over and for all of the challenges we face both professionally and personally. I truly believe that if we make decisions from the heart, we will be making the decisions from love and therefore for radical change.

Even in this short six weeks of running at a pace not unlike the speed of sound, I have learned a great deal of what I am capable of and what is possible. Despite the speed of work and the immense learning cliff, I am finding my heart growing even in the face off the challenges I am inevitably facing day in and day out. I don’t recoil but rather lean in and press my heart forward as I know that love is the most powerful sword and shield I have to do the needed work of remarkable transformation.

I have realized that I possess many traits and had no idea I had. I am seeing myself make choices that I had no idea I was capable of making. I am reflecting in real-time decision making that comes from the art of listening with the heart, seeing with compassion and remembering that everyone is doing their best. This is the space of mindful leadership and empathic teaching. It has become very clear that listening is far more important than speaking and turning inward is far greater than projecting.

As I have paused in reflection the insights of where I am is actually a remembrance of where I have come from. In all these years I have wondered why I have been able to have such joyous and love full friendships and relationships. Even as a boy I realize I was making the choices of love and connection without even knowing it. I realize now that at my deepest spirit I have always loved first and with no question. It has become clear that reflected my mothers unconditional love even though I had no idea that there was any other way of being. And for that, and my mom, I am grateful.

As I observe my childhood and my teen years I am filled with immense love and joy for all of the friends I was so fortunate to have loved and laughed with along the way. My goodness how lucky I was to be able to connect with so many wonderful beings of light. Would t change a single thing since it would shift the people and the events I hold so dear. There isn’t a large enough book to tell the tales of joy and ecstasy that filled those times in my life. I was fortunate to be touched by so many people. The lives with a big heart and my heart held big love.

It want until after high school as a young man navigating his sexuality and a world hell bent on demonizing and second classing who I was that my heart started to shrink. As my heart began to shrink so did I. I didn’t realize it at the time but the hiding one does to diminish themselves and to move to a place of being unseen changed me. It was a strangling of love and and a revealing of fear and shame. Shame, guilt, fear and self loathing began to become larger than love. It overshadowed the ability to live myself and therefore hindered the ability to truly connect and exist in intimacy and grace. Although I wanted these things in the center of my being, not having access to my own heart due to hiding it away, didn’t allow for the kind of relationships I truly wanted as I was incapable of a healthy and positive, productive and meaningful relationship.

Although I continues to build life long friendships and connect with folks, there were still many challenges. In addition, and oddly so, I built a healthy and successful career as best I could full of passion and determination but not from a place of love being the center piece of my goals. And despite the amazing success, I often wonder how much hurt and pain I caused because I was not leading with love.

I don’t regret the many years of darkness or the immense pain of a shrunken heart. Not so I feel sorry that I numbed myself for so long to escape the heartbreak and disappointment. I realize that all of this has been necessary to have landed on route 54 as a path to freedom love and immense intimacy, joy and grace. As I mentioned before, I wouldn’t change a thing. And yet, in this moment, I realize I can change everything. Even the world. Certainly my world and the worlds of everyone I come into contact with. Perhaps my healing, teaching, dance making, writing, coaching and leading will make a dent now that my heart has begun to realize it is safe again to love without holding back a thing. Perhaps the universe is giving me the gift of a lifetime this 54th rounding of the sun.

And for this, I am grateful. Perhaps I have no idea how truly big my heart can grow. Perhaps I have no idea that this was where I was meant to be all along. Thank you for allowing me to find a path back to loving myself unconditionally and letting all that fear, guilt, pain and shame go. Without it everything is possible. And in the end, love wins and is the most powerful and joyous of ways to live and lead.

In quiet appreciation with humble observations and insights,

Me

A Prayer of Release/A Prayer of Welcoming

Tags

acceptance, allowing, becoming, Believing, changes, Conscious Living, courage, courageous heart, Courageous Vulnerability, Energy, faith, fear, forgiveness, healing, health, heart, heart path, humanity, inspiration, letting go, light, listening, love, peace, Seeing, soul, Soul to Soul, spirit, spirituality, Understanding, universal heart, Vulnerable

Where there was fear before

There is no more

Where the was pain before

There is no more

Where there was shame before

There is no more

Where there was guilt before

There is no more

Where there was heartbreak before

There is no more

Where there was anger before

They is no more

I release these energies that have held me hostage for so long. I release these energies that have crippled my dreams, broken my heart and have alas broken me down. I release you all and open my heart to the unknown.

Where there is no more

May there be love

Where there is no more

May there be peace

Where there is no more

May there be light

Where there is no more

May there be hope

Where there is no more

May there be healing

Where there is no more

Let there be magic

Open Roads Meeting The Feet

Tags

acceptance, allowing, becoming, beleif, Believing, changes, Conscious Living, courage, courageous heart, Courageous Vulnerability, Creative Flow, faith, heart, hope, humanity, inspiration, journey, joy, learning, lessons learned, light, listening, Magic, observations, sharing, Soul to Soul, spirit, spirituality, thoughts, universal consciousness, universal heart, Vulnerable, well being, Wonder

Throughout my life I have had the wildest belief that I would always be ok. I never really questioned how I would make it or get along for myself. Faith just seemed to be something that was akin to the essence of who I was that to question never crossed my mind.

Living in the moment with the belief that life would take care of itself has always worked out even if I had no idea where I was headed. As a young adult I just followed my heart in everything I did and fell into roles, opportunities and career paths. Because I listened to my heart, the path listened too.

I had no idea dance would ever be such a big part of my life. No clue that I would end up where I am today at this moment helping other movement lovers find their bliss in a body falling through space. Not to mention helping folks find their voice in the creative art of dance making. But somehow, by listening to the heart and believing in life and therefore myself, I am here.

Most of the opportunities I fell into were simply because I chose love over someone else’s path or traditional professional trajectory. Not in the least bit. On the contrary, I just fell. And when I did fall, all I did was learn to listen. Despite the challenges or hardships; listening was the way I was able to make sense of it all.

And fall I did; on my face, my hands and knees, my back, my front and tumble upside down at mind numbing speeds. I fell and was always caught by love. The heart always seemed to land me on my feet and just before the landing being the path underneath me once again.

I never dreamed I would be in dance. Never dreamed I would be a healer. Never dreamed I would be an artistic director. Never dreamed I would be a professor. Never dreamed I would travel the world because of it. Never dreamed I would create an alignment system that would profoundly change so many peoples lives. And yet, I continue to choose to fall.

And now, it seems like it is time for another fall. It feels as though I am on the edge of a release to once again change my own world simply by having the faith to say yes and to once again accept that the universe will always care for me and surround me in love. I have always walked with angels by my side. This I know.

And so it is with this fate that I open my heart to say yes to whatever opportunity might come my way. Whatever will fall into place and into an existence that is so unexpected and so undeniably right now; then so it shall be. I choose to fall and I choose to once again be placed on a path that will most certainly change my world and perhaps others as well.

When All is Lost, Sit.

Tags

acceptance, allowing, becoming, beleif, Believing, Conscious Living, courage, courageous heart, Courageous Vulnerability, Creativity, Energy, faith, heart path, hope, humanity, inspiration, journey, lessons learned, love, meditation, sitting, Soul to Soul, spirit, spirituality, universal consciousness, universal heart, Vulnerable, well being

I believe I have about hit that wall where there is nothing much more to give, do or believe possible in this current reality. At several moments during this day I had to simply shut down in lieu of any other response. With nothing left, no answers to what to do next, I did the only thing I could think of; sit.

After all of the remembering to breathe. After all the forgiveness, the only thing left to do was to sit, close the eyes and let go. And so I did.

Even though I have been sitting in meditation for over 160 days, knowing it has been the only thing that has gotten me this far or kept me going; I still have not been able to embrace the kind of reality change necessary to find the freedom that my spirit desires and that my purpose matches.

I realize that if I am to really find what my heart and spirit is longing for and has been longing for, I have to find a new way of being and living in this world. It is time for a new way of participating in my life and to let go of the many habits and patterns that have not been serving me for some time. It is time for a dark night of the soul kind of change which will shift the understanding of myself and challenge the way others have perceived me for so very long. It’s time for a new life.

Do I know what this life is? No. Do I know how it is all going to happen? No. But what I do know is this current reality is not supportive of the peace my spirit craves and the love that my heart also craves to be in alignment with who I am. And in truth, who I have always been but have sacrificed for the past twenty years.

Do I regret the journey? No. Much has come from the path I have been on. And yet, at a very high price. Much has been accomplished. And yet, much has been lost. Much has been shared and many lives and bodies transformed. And yet, fighting to make that happen has been incongruent with who I really am.

And so I sit today to let go. I sit tomorrow to let go and listen. I sit the day after and beyond to quiet my mind, still the heart, forgive myself and wait for the whispers of the Universe to reach out and take hold of my hand. After all this time moving, sitting is really where the salvation is.

Remembering to Breathe

Tags

allowing, becoming, Believing, breath, Conscious Living, courage, Courageous Vulnerability, Energy, faith, heart, heart path, light, love, Soul to Soul, spirit, universal heart

It has been a whirlwind lately and the chaos of the moment is only bearable because of breath. Moment after moment of conscious deep breathing has been the only way to drop into the present moment of being and therefore doing. I am remembering to breathe as a mechanism of self care and self love.

Breathing, and deeply breathing, is actually a way to create space for ourselves. It’s a took that allows a chance for us to pull out and see the possibilities of the moment rather than be swept up by the noise surrounding the moment. If you are feeling overwhelmed, give yourself a moment of breath to see if that helps you collect your thoughts and still the heart.

Taking a breath is also reminding me to acknowledge and reconnect with my purpose. Often times we are so wrapped up in finding solutions that we forget our purpose and miss out on the opportunities that will allow solutions that support our true essence and therefore our true purposeful life. Breath is reminding me to reconnect rather than disconnect.

If you can, take a moment and give yourself a break simply by taking a breath. A little breath break can change many things and allow us to live ourselves when the chaotic noise no longer allows us to hear ourselves. Take a breath and take a chance on reclaiming you.

Open Your Heart And Love Will Flow In

Tags

allowing, Believing, bliss, courage, courageous heart, Courageous Vulnerability, faith, gay, heart, hope, journey, joy, love, male love, patience, Soul to Soul, spirit, universal heart

This journey as of late has really been such a delight. Time and time again I am reminded of the brilliance of being in the flow and letting go to allow. This transformation through the simple act of healing the heart and learning to love again has given me back so much light in my life.

I am super grateful to be repairing the pain. Grateful to be healing the holes. Grateful to be recalibrating the vibration and letting the heart beat freely once again. Love is the most healing of all energy and should not be shut out but rather unleashed and set free to allow the greatest healing of all.

And wouldn’t you know, out of the blue, love waltzed into my heart and has been a brilliant light. Yes, in all of this healing there must have been a trigger of the resonance and brought the sharing of love in my direction. It has been a delight to begin a journey with a lovely man with whom is such a positive energy and beautiful spirit.

I am grateful for this spirit who shared so much of his world and is teaching me new things I never dreamed of learning. It’s a new language and a new way of being that I thought long gone and passed the point of a possibility. But in fact, love builds on momentum and heals with a force greater than anything else. And for this, I believe in magic and miracles. All of which made possible by love.

Celebrating Change

Tags

acceptance, allowing, becoming, Believing, bliss, choice, compassion, Conscious Living, courage, courageous heart, Courageous Vulnerability, faith, healing, health, heart, heart path, hope, humanity, inspiration, journey, joy, learning, life, light, love, Love Between Men, loving, patience, peace, Soul to Soul, universal heart, Vulnerable, well being, wellness

There is a lot to be said for navigating dark waters. It’s scary. It’s difficult. There never seems to be movement forward. It’s exhausting both physically and mentally. It often feels as if this is the worst thing that could possibly be happening.

Yet, ironically, this is the best time. This is a time of the unknown. This is literally a gift that is signaling immense change and immense growth. This is actually a time to celebrate. This is a time of great healing that will transform your life for the better and create a new opportunity that will welcome joy, happiness, love and light.

This is your time. The is the time of new beginnings. This is a time of storing the murky water to actually allow it to settle more clearly. It is not the time to fight or to struggle. That never works in quick sand nor does it work in times of darkness. What does work is a change of focus and a change of mind.

Softly begin to shift how you see things. Gently allow yourself to celebrate your courage to actually welcome change. Recognize that you are a gentle warrior and your sword is that of love. For no matter what is happening, love will always pave the way with grace, dignity and light. No matter what, if you choose love as your point of view, at the end of your struggle you will be left with the love you invited in. And trust that love always wins. Especially when it comes to the love that is meant for you.

Fear Not The Sharing of Your Heart

Tags

acceptance, allowing, becoming, Believing, bliss, courage, courageous heart, Courageous Vulnerability, dreams, Ecstasy, Existence, faith, fear, forgiveness, growth, heart, heart path, hope, inspiration, journey, joy, love, Magic, sharing, soul, spirit, universal heart, well being, wellness

Fear not the sharing of your heart, it is what the heart is made to do.

The heart itself has its own protection due to its magnificent design. The pericardium surrounds the heart encasing it to let it do it’s work.

So fear not the need to hold back out of fear or rejection; your heart is safe.

Since it’s very first beat, it has been sustaining you and pumping energy, breath and life. It keeps you in the flow and pulse of being simply by being itself. It has never given up on you.

So fear not the hearts fortitude and it’s commitment for keeping you well.

Throughout all of your early relationships, your heart automatically knew how to make connection as you entrained and grew its own magnetic field.

So fear not the hearts ability to connect and draw those close with whom are willing to listen.

Despite the conditioning of your journey; cultural, systemic or human dogma, your heart has always instinctively known who you are, dreamed to be and known you could be. It beats as your own innate drum.

So fear not standing out from the crowd and making the noise of your creation; the unique vibration, your unique vibration of love.

Even if folks have come and gone and life has not blessed you with the love you dreamed, there has always been love and will always be love surrounding you. In fact, love is the pericardium of your life. Love us in fact a magnetic field surrounding and connecting and protecting your very physical and energetic self.

Fear not that you have hurt and felt the pain and sorrow in which often is sustained by deep heartfelt connection; the heart is never scarred, only the ego.

Know that the heart will always beat in your favor welcoming the best for and wanting to connect with others. Know that it is up for another journey with a spirit who is willing the adventure of joy, bliss and ecstasy.

Fear not the sharing of the heart, it is the gift of connection that we are given to speak our story and change our world.

140 Days of Sitting

Tags

acceptance, allowing, becoming, beleif, Believing, bliss, body, change, changes, compassion, Conscious Living, courage, courageous heart, Courageous Vulnerability, Creative Flow, Creativity, Dance, development, Energy, faith, health, heart, heart path, hope, humanity, inspiration, journey, learning, letting go, life, light, listening, love, Mindful Action, patience, peace, sharing, Soul to Soul, spirit, spirituality, Teaching, universal consciousness, universal heart, well being, Wonder

Today marks the 140th day of a meditation practice that I began as a 40 day challenge. To say that this time has been transformative would be completely denying the fullness of what sitting in peace has done for me. I am incredibly grateful for choosing to sit and practice my spiritual journey and do so with a commitment I have not had in decades.

Somewhere along the way of becoming I got lost in the going. Dreams, desires and societal and cultural expectations simply knocked me off balance. That of course is understandable when we succumb to the illusion of the busyness of being. We are sold that to be busy is to be successful. To be busy is to be validated. This is especially true in academia where I live to butter my bread.

Drifting through a sea of disillusionment it is easy to get lost when the goals are not congruent or in alignment with the true vibration of you. We think to know and yet what matters most is that we should feel to know and better yet, understand. And as the rocks tumble in this avalanche of despair we are seeing all around us, we see and feel how fear seems to be getting the best of us.

I made a conscious choice to heal while Covid ravaged our very existence. In a time of heightened fear, I chose freedom. In a time of chaos, I chose quietude. In a time of heartbreak, I chose healing. This is the key element in allowing ourselves the time and space to heal ourselves of the hurt, shame, trauma and fear that we have been collecting as well as spreading. For one can’t but help hurt others of in fact they are hurt themselves. Choosing to break the cycle of pain takes the courage to make the choice for change.

I realize not everyone believes in meditation nor is it part of many belief systems. Yet, what is part of all spiritual paths is the simple thread of the power of love that is woven through them all. For me, meditation has been a way to return to loving myself and therefore all those around me. Perhaps your path is different in the form of finding oneself, but regardless, sitting in meditation and opening the magnetic field of love that emanates from the heart is what allows for magic, wonderment and awe.

There have been many transformative, synchronistic and enchanted moments during these past 140 days. For this my heart is grateful. My body is also grateful. In addition, the energy I live in continues to make me giddy with ecstasy like I have not felt in years.

From where I sit now, all I can see is possibility. As I heal, I grow. As I grow, I become. As I become, I am able to welcome all that is in true alignment with the most beautiful vibration of me and the me that I can be. I accept and allow to do more good, no, more great in the world. I have it to give. And so I shall.

When The Heart Is Open, There Shall Be Blooms

Tags

acceptance, allowing, becoming, Believing, bliss, body knowledge, change, Conscious Living, courage, courageous heart, Courageous Vulnerability, energies, Energy, faith, heart, heart path, love, Love Between Men, loving, Soul to Soul, spirit, universal consciousness, universal heart, well being

It occurred to me today after a spin through the house that there are more orchids in bloom at one time than I have had in a long time or can even remember. It moved me quite a bit when the flash of insight passed highlighting that perhaps it could very well be due to all of the opening and blossoming of my own heart.

Could it be that the orchids are all reflecting/mirroring what it is I am feeling with all of this glorious heart work and healing? Could it be that when our energy shifts into the space of unconditional loving in all aspects of our doing, being and actions that the same energy is felt in the orchids themselves?

A wave of gratitude and grace passed over me and in fact a swelling of even more love seemed to fill and in fact overflow from my heart. And now, every time I pass one of them my heart seems to grow that much bigger and the arteries seem to flow with a freedom simply for admiring their beauty and their joy.

It made me wonder if in fact I might be in bloom again myself. Meaning, I wonder if I appear with that kind of beauty and grace to others who know or don’t know who I am? Oddly I had a young man chat me up last week and called me hottie Scottie. Struck me as a little odd but tickled me as well. Much like I am tickled by the beauty of the blooms I share my space with today.

I wonder how much more beauty can be shared by myself and the energies of my space? I wonder how much unconditional love I am capable of letting flow through this unabashed heart? I am giddy with the notion of thinking that perhaps this kind of love and energy is in fact endless since love is eternal.

Oh the joy of giving ourselves over to love and letting love be the champion of all of our lives and all of our dreams. So much gratitude for feeling the hope of love eternal once again and for finding the courage to open up and be vulnerable despite the moment of living we are currently in. May there be an endless flow for you and may you see your own beauty and grace reflected back to you in your own transformative blossoming.