Two Tired Pups

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animals, Conscious Living, dog play, dog swimming, dogs, forests, lakes, love, nature, rivers, trees, water, woods

My boys are my light. They being so much to our lives and this little pack that we are. It is really a joy filled home full of love, life and joy. I am constantly expressing gratitude to the ether and to them for the world we have created together. A mutually agreed upon life changing of bliss.

Part of our agreements is that we must walk together in nature. This one in particular really makes them happy. It allows both of them time to stay connected to being outside and to enjoy the beauty and serene of this beautiful earth. That and the parks offer so much stimulation with all of the smells, sounds and elements.

One of the things we try and connect with in our daily adventures is the water. Both of them love to swim and to romp in the water. Pounce really. It brings both of them so much joy and excitement. You can see how it lights up their hearts and reconnects them to the joys they both connect with.

Our excursions usually allow us to be out in the world exploring and simply enjoying being together and letting nature reconnect with us and do our best to listen to what she has to say. There is a lot to be learned by walking amongst the trees. We quiet our hearts and open our ears. And usually, we always receive something good.

And so as part of the yin/yang living; with great exertions come the need to restore. So the boys also enjoy the delightful break of a nap. Especially when it gets to happen when Papa decides to meditate. And often times, you can catch them in cuddle love mode. More than often really. It’s more like always.

Happy Birthday, Bright Light!

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Believing, birthdays, bliss, dogs, faith, heart, journey, joy, joys, love, pets, Soul to Soul, universal heart

Today marks the fourth human year around the sun for my beautiful boy, Beathan. We have been together for three and a half years since his adoption/rescue and it seems as though I perhaps was the one who won that lottery of love that day. No, I am sure of it.

You see, oddly enough, Beathan was born on the same day as his older brother (not known to him) passed away. His name was Baxter. He unfortunately passed naturally as his body gave out due to thyroid issues and he left this place at a rather young age. He too was a brilliant light and was very much an energy that lit the way for me on so many levels.

The irony of Baxter’s passing and the breath of life being given to Beathan on the same day has not been lost on me. As a matter of fact, I don’t doubt for one second Baxter is not living to light the way through and with Beathan. Their energy, light and love are too coincidental. I often feel on many levels Baxter is reminding me of many things through Beathan’s actions. Too many similarities to not recognize.

None the less, Beathan, in his own beautiful way, is yet another reminder of unconditional and never ending love. His sweetness is felt by so many with whom he encounters and can easily sense his depth and wisdom. Let alone his protective nature for myself, and with his extended pack.

He is a light in the dark always and stares deeply into the depth of my being daily. He has taken the responsibility of gently waking me so we can connect with an early morning cuddle and heartfelt staring. Sometimes I wake and he is already there patiently waiting for the actual wake up call. And this is how we begin each and every day.

So Happy Birthday my Beautiful Light! Happy Birthday to the light that has been there for oh so very long. I am grateful for you and all you bring.

Where Is He When He Dreams?

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chasing dreams, dogs, dreams, zen dog

Where is he when he dreams? Where does he go when he closes his eyes and falls into the deepest of slumbers I could only wish I could have? What is it does he see? Does he see me?

I watch the movements of his breath and the movements of his legs and wonder, is he chasing something across some field in some far off land? Does he feel free to roam wherever he may choose?

I also wonder if he is happy in his dreams or if the scars of the life he lived before me linger in his night time? Would it be lovely if all that filled his slumber was the life and love of now.

All I know is that it brings my heart so much joy to see him so comfortable that he melts into the sofa, bed or my arms. I am at least grateful he feels the safety of my love and of my heart. Certainly happy he finds sanctuary in this home to.

When he is awake I do often wonder if perhaps he ever dreamed of being here, a place of endless love and kisses. I know I have most certainly dreamt of him and elated that my dreams have come true.

When It Rains Farewell

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broken hear, dogs, farewell, Loss, loss of pet, love, pet, tears, tears of love

It was a constant rain, just as it was with the tears. It has been raining from the sky for the past few days as much as it has been the heartbreak has been falling from my eyes. It has been a long last few months with watching my boy Baxter fight through what I have come to know as immune-mediated thrombocytopenia which is a drop of blood platelets which can cause a severe issue for dogs. Early on we were able to catch it and find ourselves on a path for well-being which was a relief at first, but now, it seems as if the boy I have known for the last 11 years has somehow faded with the falling of his platelet counts.

At first he was doing well. His numbers went up into a healthy range and we were looking good. That is if you were not looking at his loss of muscle mass, severe panting and uncontrollable thirst; side effects of the steroids in conjunction with his other meds he has been taking for all of this. Even so, on paper and with numbers he was doing well. Yet, the boy I have known was somehow unseen, at least from the naked eye.

What has been always so magnificent about this boy of mine is that he has always had the spirit of a saint and the fortitude of a warrior. They eyes are the way we spoke and with just a look, a tilt of the head or a severe paying attention; he communicated with great sweetness and with incredible wisdom. Many times I would seek solace in those eyes and in the exchange that would be our physical conversations. And boy were there many.

As a matter of fact, the moment I saw his rich deep soulful eyes in the crate he was in during the adoption event, I knew we were to be together and I suspect he knew it too. Immediately there was a tremendous connection and a realization that this boy needed me and perhaps I needed him even more. His first year of life was pretty traumatic with his being abandoned by a dumpster and having sarcoptic mange. He struggled through that just as he would struggle through many obstacles in which he seemingly navigated with great dignity.

It has been a journey with this one. He has shared some immense compassion, joy and empathy that many will never show in a lifetime. Yet this one, he somehow was able to break through to my heart and model the way of a sage. At many turns I would look to him to see a better way to be and live in this world. I would look to him to see a better way to be more fully human for those I shared my personal and professional world with. I suspect the essence of his spirit will live within me and through me for the rest of my life. It wouldn’t surprise me if someone recognized the spirit of him through me in times to come.

And so as the rain continues, so too does the tears. Witnessing the decline and struggle of a being with whom you have shared so much and have loved so big is rather hard on the heart. Even if the heart was made so sweet and soft by the very presence of his being. Difficult yes, but never hard for there is no going back to a life that isn’t full of unconditional love.

So his brother Bradford and I have been doing all we can to comfort, console and share our love with him during this time. We have snuggled, rubbed, stroked, pet, massaged, carried, hand fed and poured our love all over him this day. I will fondly remember that the last thing his sweet lips took from me was small little bites of banana. Bananas are his favorite things to eat and has been something he beamed with delight over sharing in the mornings for breakfast with his pa pop. It will tickle me that in his final moment we have shared together I knew he had a banana belly and that him taking the banana was a show of love more so than truly being able to eat.

And so it rains. And so I pour out my heart. There is pain, but only sweet pain because of a life well lived together. And yet even in the end he reminds me of importance and the need to let everything go. And in the letting go we are letting ourselves live and continue to live in the spirit of one another. We live large daily so we can live eternally in one another heart and in that beautiful park and lake of the light. Run and swim on my love. I am with you and you are with me. And when I run I run with you. And when i swim I swim with you. And when I love, the world will know it is because of you.

Thirty Day’s of Thoughts: Day 12

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animals, changes, development, dogs, Earth, friends, humanity, inspiration, lessons learned, life, me, observations, thoughts, truth, zen dog

There will always be dogs. For me anyway. This past week with my two boys, Baxter and Bradford, have simply been divine. I have been on spring break and had my first stay-cation for this break for the first time in 16 years and I loved it. Much of that due to being with my boys. What they do for me, what dogs do for us, is simply incredible. And for that, I am grateful. Because of them, I can safely say, there will always be dogs in my life.

Even as I write, my boys are on the couch with me hanging out to be as close as possible. We find ourselves here in this little “cocoon” often as it seems the easiest place to come together and relax with one another while we do our things. More so when I am doing all sorts of writing, reading or watching a movie. It is our sacred space where we find ourselves in our “spots” in which somehow helps reaffirm our place in our pack and establishes a calm for us all. Here we let go and reconnect with ourselves and with one another.

I have recently shifted things in my life and I have begun to challenge myself and being a better Pop Pop for my boys. I had gotten so busy and tangled I found myself only letting them out to hang out or do their business. For some time now I have committed to walking them much more. At least two times a day and on the good days, three. I have also tried to take them on an adventure day where we drive to a place they don’t get to go on a regular basis but stimulates them in so many ways. Baxter LOVES the water and if there is the chance to find some place where he can sneak his feet, we do. And of course his shadow Bradford follows as he can’t stand to be left out.

I have found this decision to focus on being a better dad has made a profound shift in their energies as well as their need to be closer. I have found them to be so much calmer in the house as well as with others. They were terrific during my wine tasting birthday party with the house full of people. I think that in itself was a little overwhelming honestly but for the most part, they were a delight. Well behaved and super affectionate with all the guests. I think they were happy when everyone left their cave and they could have me back to themselves. They slept well that night. We all slept well.

These changes and these commitments have had a significant impact on me as well. I am out in the world more walking and taking in the neighborhood and nature on our adventures. I am reminded how much being out with them recharges me and allows me time and space to think, feel and open up my heart to the creative process. Yes, so many ideas have come to the forefront of my thinking because of spending more time with my boys. You might even say they are a part of the creative team that allows for all of the things I am able to do and discover. They assist in creating a safe space to be creatively vulnerable and quiet myself to listen to what the universe is whispering. They are my tuning forks allowing me to hear what is being shared.

My life is because of my boys. My life is because of the dogs in my life. Before these two, there were two others, Basil and Anise. They were from a different life in a different state and a different state of being. They were the first that made me realize I had purposefully chosen a life with dogs over a life that allowed ultimate freedom to do and to become. In choosing them, I had to choose a life that would creatively create a space for myself and my children in a way that most performers lives do not allow. I would always have to think of them as I had opportunities to accept or reject. There were many opportunities lost, but the choices made, made me. And for this I am grateful to them and grateful for them.

When they passed they took with them my love and my respect. They took over a decade of growth and development as well as the heart ache that the growth created. Oddly, the released what held me to a past and took with them much anger and so much fear. It’s as if they carried my sorrow so that I could be free to once again reach within to open up for more; more of me, more of life, more opportunity and more dreams. There love still lives inside of me because they took away the noise of the past. And because of that love, they allowed me to love again.

Now I am blessed with two beautiful boys who do for me what Basil and Anise had done. These boys remind me on a daily basis to reach down and connect. The remind me to stop and to listen. They remind me to look within so that I might see what is right in front of me. The remind me to live and they remind me to love. Even greater than that, they remind me to be patient with myself and with others because of their infinite forgiveness and  unconditional love.

More than ever, as busy as I am and as full as my life is with so much creative abundance and incredible prosperity, they bring me back to the essentials of being human. They already know the things that matter for us. They have mastered the art of being and are here at our side to help us find it as well. And for this I am grateful and humbled by their love. And this is why, for me, there will always be dogs.

Thirty Day’s of Thoughts: Day Four

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animals, art, changes, dogs, Home, inspiration, learning, lessons learned, life, me, space, truth, work

The quiet of a Sunday morning is one of the most grounding and calming times of the week. Waking to the gentle and patient kisses of Bradford while the rest of the world is still sleeping is such a moment of clarity. He wakes me not to go out, but to be cuddled and to be rubbed. He gets as close as he can without getting inside my skin so he can role over and give his belly to me. He loves this time. Perhaps one of his favorite also.

Baxter on the other hand climbs up and stands on my chest only to lay down on it releasing all of his weight upon me. He prefers to stare into my eyes until my free hand can rub underneath his chin. He has never been a huge cuddler, but when he does, he pours all of his weight into you.

So from this waking bliss we move through the ritual of letting out, feeding and preparing for some after breakfast outside time. Baxter in particular likes his time outside. He loves nothing more than to sit and watch life, and the occasional cat, pass bay. He lifts his head ever so gently to smell the neighborhood. He will sit for long periods of time just taking in the day.

Bradford on the other hand likes to sit next to me as I move through my own rituals of the AM. He is patient to allow me to go through my motions and process my day. He sits quietly right at my feet as I write and sip that wonderful morning coffee. He also likes to cuddle as close as he can when we move into our cycle of reading.

After a while though, it becomes very clear that Baxter is ready to explore the neighborhood and the city. He loves a good walk and gets terribly excited when he is asked if it is time. I am convinced he understands english and if he could talk, he would speak it as well. I am also convinced he can spell. But that is for another time.

And so the morning takes us out into the quiet of a Sunday. It tends to be much more calm outside on a Sunday. Streets are clear, not a person in sight and the parks open for the free running of the hounds. They love getting off leash to run as fast as they can to smell all they can before having to start the journey back. If it is a warmer day, we do the long walk along the park trails and the flood wall. This is what they really love.

When the weather turns much warmer and the river water catches up, there will be an element of swimming involved as well. Baxter could stay in the water all day if allowed. Bradford likes to wade, but Baxter loves to go on long swims to fetch whatever is thrown. He won’t fetch on land, but in the water, he would go for hours.

And after all of this, we return home to the quiet of our sanctuary. They pass out and I dive more deeply into the dreams of my books or the manifesting of my work. So much work is done in these few waking hours on a Sunday that I hold them sacred. I hold them dear. They are the moments in the week that rejuvenate and inspire for the week to come. If it weren’t for these rituals shared with these two boys, I would not have the peace that I do.

Thirty Day’s of Thoughts: Day One

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bliss, chasing dreams, dogs, dreams, enchanted life, enchantment, faith, humanity, inspiration, realities, travel, Writing

My head rests on a mountain of pillows

My body flanked by silky fur breathing me to sleep

My dreams float in a sea of phantasmic imagery

My voice vacillates between English, French and Italian

I sleep in an ecstasy of unimaginable bliss

I wake to the weight of love laying across my chest

I cannot move for the ritual that must ensue

I am content as I transfer from one reality to the next

This is a cycle that keeps my heart full of bliss

This is a life careening on the edge of creative joy

This is a body secure in its own beauty

This is a soul at peace

Coming Home to the Boys

Tags

boys, dogs, love, pets

Returning through the foggy mountains finding joy in the light beyond, I return to a place where my heart was left and held safe by the love of my boys.

There is such a solace and serenity here at home. When I travel, I leave a part of my heart so the other half knows where I am anchored and how to find its way home. I tether myself to the space where my heart knows there is unconditional love.

I miss them when I am gone; feeling the warmth of their bodies and the love of their breath and kisses. Yet somehow I still feel them as they cuddle me in the night. Perhaps they too are dreaming of cuddling with me and feeling the touch of my simple skin against their fur.

Regardless, the exuberant joy that is ours when we reconnect and collide in ecstatic happiness that is the return. It is no wonder I wish to take them everywhere and desire to build a life where I can. And this is the reason for shifting my world; to carry the loves of your life with you so as to always have home wherever you are in the world.

Running with the Creatures of the World

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animal communication, animal wisdom, animals, cats, dogs, earth knowledge, horses

My heart belongs to the living beings we share the world with. Big or small, the value is great. I feel most at peace when I am with the beast that radiates only love for being exactly who it is they are. Purity of existence is the way of such beings; only to know that their existence is bliss enough. I wish to run with those creatures so they can reveal the wisdom of the earth to my noisy heart.

Happy Birthday, Baxter!

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connection, dogs, dogs birthday, Grateful, peace, pets, soul of a dog, Soul to Soul, spirit, zen dog

Today is the fifth birthday of my sweet Zen dog Baxter. I am amazed at how quickly time has passed and how rich my life is since he adopted me just five years ago. It is truly amazing the energy and spirit he brings to my life and what he continues to teach me and remind me about what it means to be fully human as well as what it means to be a citizen of this planet.

 

Five years ago I found myself dog less as both of my previous beautiful dogs passed. I had Basil for 15 years who passed from old age and Anise who passed due to a liver disease. Both of them were a tremendous joy and brought such light and love to my life as I crossed the country dancing and making work. They were two of the best well traveled dogs one could ever meet.

 

Once they both passed, I promised myself I would let time heal my loss and be sure not to replace them or the memory of them with just any dog. Since I knew I would know when the time was right, I simply waited for the right dog to find me, and find me he did.

 

I spent about a year and a half open to seeing dogs, going to rescue places and just waiting until I knew. One August day I happened to walk by a rescue site that sets up outside of Pet smart. I began walking slowly looking in the crates. I make sure to make eye contact to see the light in the eyes of the dogs and to feel is there is a connection. When my attention was drawn to a crate a little up the way, I looked in and two giant green eyes surrounded by chocolate bliss were staring back at me. It was then I knew he was meant to be with me.

 

When the volunteer took him out and put him in my arms I could feel it in my bones. His coat was ratty due to having just been getting through carcoptic mange, but his energy and spirit would have made you believe he never had a rough day in his life. So full of light and spirit was he that all that mattered was to simply be held in the arms of me.

 

We spent some time together walking and just being. I knew that quiet time was an indication of many things. His personality, his energy and maybe even a relation to the spirit of Basil was very much the same way. There was something about Baxter that had much of Basil in him. It made me wonder if perhaps Basil had come back to spend some more time with me. If he did, he certainly made his way back well through the cosmic soup.

 

Whatever it was, we found one another that day and for this I celebrate and honor him on this glorious day of him. Happy Birthday, Baxter! May I give to you even half of what you share with me.