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Architecture of the Heart

~ Breathing through my feet while exhaling and diving into the vast ocean of space and time

Architecture of the Heart

Tag Archives: gratitude

To The Side I Dream. In The Center I Become

01 Tuesday Oct 2019

Posted by oberonsky in Soul to Soul, Uncategorized

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becoming, gratitude, growth, inspiration, lessons learned, life, light, love, observations, spirit, spirituality, truth

I am not sure that I have ever felt a sense of belonging at any time in my life. As the baby in a family of five there never seemed to be a space as the little one that made things uneven or imbalanced. That and knowing from a very young age that who I was didn’t seem to line up with the family’s religious or cultural views. And yet, off to the side I was, dreaming and building worlds in the heart of my imagination. Sitting within that space I realize even at such a young age I found my center and I started to become the very heart of who I am today.

As a child in school growing up I also felt quite different and not quite like others. To say I felt as if I was the one of those beings unlike the others would be an understatement. I think I realized very early on the importance that modeling kindness and love for everyone I encountered seemed to create relationships that mattered and therefor love allowed more space for imagining connection even if I didn’t feel I belonged. And so through kindness I found my center and started to become the very compassionate being I am today.

As a teen I played all kinds of sports and was involved in all kinds of activities. I was privileged to be able to have these experiences and yet they scared me to death. I hated being out in the outfield because there was no other place to put me. Standing out hoping a ball wouldn’t come my way. Batting time and again and hoping to get walked simply to avoid the humiliation of striking out. And yet, when it came to being seen always being recognized as the sportsperson of the season because of what I was capable of doing for others around me. Wishing to be a ghost but seen as a strength for others. And so through support I found my center and started to become the empath I am today.

And who couldn’t forget the football team? I mean really? The size of me doesn’t really work with the power and the force that my friends were capable of harnessing. And even in this instance, despite the mismatch and lack of talent, I loved it. Not only that, but I loved the friends that I spent my time with. I always felt cared for and protected despite not feeling like one of the guys. But for some reason, after games, we sang. Yes, we celebrated and we enjoyed life come the rain or the shine. And even if I was on the “field”, mostly sidelines, I found my center made of joy; joy that came from liking doing something with people I admired and respected which started the notion that I could lead others in song even if it wasn’t on the field.

And then I found myself in theater. I took a risk to embrace being different and choosing so I found a small part of my voice. I stumbled upon my actual voice. I opened the door to a world of lovely people who were kind and who I realized began to see me perhaps as me even if the revelation of my full being remained hidden from public view. And yes, I seemed to thrive in this industry but always felt an outsider as I had no formal training or experience. Would they found out I have no idea what I am doing? That on top of the fact that I am not at all what I seem? Yet even so, I found my center “hearing” myself for the first time and thinking I might have a chance to become the listener of something if I worked at it.

Following my voice and the theater I came to realize I enjoyed it and found great pleasure but like all other things in my life, I just didn’t seem to fit that world. Once again unlike the outspoken others I was finding out that where I really found great joy, as the introvert that I am was in the animation and training of my physical voice, the body. I fell in love with dance as it was the thing I could do hiding behind my dyslexia and crippling fear of being found out that I did not see the world and words as others. So being on the outside now became the inside as I listened and learned how my body worked and how it would become the tool of my life. I found my center at the center of a moving body and breathing soul.

And here I am today, after all these years in the field having had a career as a dancer, choreographer and educator, still with the same feeling of being in dance but not of dance. I have made an incredible life in this art form. I am so grateful that it has given me so many beautiful experiences, friends, travel and the manifestation of breathtaking work. So much gratitude for it all. Yet, as most people know, I am not in the “game” of dance just as I have never been in the game of anything I have done. I did it and do it out of the joy and love I get from doing it and doing it as if my life needs it as I need breath. Oddly enough I have also realized how much I don’t need it as I have also found a way to breathe with the soul that has been with me all along in the times I have been to the side living in my dreams.

I guess after all of this living in the shadow of fear, isolation and not belonging; I realize I belong to myself and to the dreams I have been able to manifest simply by giving into the center of myself in everything I did. I have been living in the center of becoming and in doing so, I have always belonged. I recognize that in accepting I belong, I have always been able to see the unseen, feel the unfelt and dream the impossible. And in the end, I accept all that I am and honor that at the center of it all, we all belong if we accept the center of ourselves.

 

Honoring the Space of Loss

27 Friday Jul 2018

Posted by oberonsky in Soul to Soul, Uncategorized

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allowing, forgiveness, grace, gratitude, Greif, here after, hope, letting go, light, Loss, love, space

It is amazing how much space there is in the absence of love. Deep vacuous space in which a magnanimous soul inhabited. Recognizing this immense openness I become aware of the enormity of the spirit that existed here and am strangely filled with an incredible admiration and gratitude for being present in its grace.

I am also deeply aware of the energy and light that filled this space and all that was given to me. I have been graced with an incredible gift unlike I have ever known before.

As I absorb and simultaneously absolve my grief, I do not desire to diminish or close off the space that remains due to loss of physical presence. What I realize is I must embrace the absence of body and let it remain open and filled with spirit and the essence of the very love of that spirit. Thus, the space is honored by the immense peace that continues to resonate from it.

Love and the loss of physical presence does not mean that love is lost at all. All it does mean is that we need to celebrate and honor it in just a different way so as to let it continue to grow within us. You see the space of love is not meant to be filled or diminished. As a matter of fact, just the opposite is what the gift of loss is.

What I have come to understand is that what happens next is to find the courage and the strength to expand the heart even more to create even more opportunity to let love in again. Just as the universe continues to expand so too shall our hearts. So too shall we mirror and reflect this growth and so too shall we encourage and welcome even more love than we ever felt or knew possible.

I have been graced with such big love that I shall feel graced once again if I only risk to push open my heart and allow for the bigness of a heart as wide as the expansive universe itself.

If I have the courage to do this then then I have the conviction to welcome all the love there is. And if I welcome all the love there is, I have truly honored the love of the space that is left and that I embrace and live within at this moment. I am reminded once again and it is confirmed; there is no loss and there is no loss of love.

With gratitude for the forever graciousness of every being I have ever shared a moment,

Scott

The Silent Thought of Romance

12 Tuesday May 2015

Posted by oberonsky in Musings, Soul to Soul

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allowing, becoming, change, Conscious Living, forgiveness, gratitude, letting go, letting go of noise, love, love between m, We

Wrapped in the other

My fingers rest

I must set once again the music of romantics

I find silence better than my thoughts

I know best my beauty

Pinch my heart for memory

My head quiet, resting between stones

I feel so

A time together

I tell

I say

I am

We are

We once

Us, as if we do not forget

Amaranth Arts Fall 2014 Season

06 Wednesday Aug 2014

Posted by oberonsky in Shaping Space, Soul to Soul, Uncategorized

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Ballet, Believing, choreography, compassion, contemporary dance, Courageous Vulnerability, Dance, gratitude, love, Modern, modern dance, Teaching, thankful, universal heart

Reaching out across space and time in support of Amaranth Arts and the beautiful fall season of sharing exquisite dance work to the Richmond and Denver Audiences. Please consider a small gift in support of the arts and sharing of that work by mentorship. Even more important, please join us at the performance of Falling Back to Grace at the Grace Street Theatre September 11-13, 2014 in Richmond, VA.

Please feel free to spread the word and the love!!!

Gratitude and light,

Scott

https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/amaranth-arts-2014-fall-season/x/8298622

To Keep in Mind Today

30 Monday Sep 2013

Posted by oberonsky in Uncategorized

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abundance, artist, believing we can, choreographer, creative process, creative spirit, dance maker, education, educational process, gratitude, learning to fly, making art, making work, poet, poet of space, prosperity, teacher

May I extend the hand of love to those around me today who have the courage to be vulnerable in the act of learning? May I find compassion in my words helping them to release the gravity of information freeing their feet from the weight of knowledge and letting them know that they too can fly? May I also grow through the reflection of their process understanding more deeply the well of creativity that is inside of me? May I find the courage to absorb this information and translate it ever more efficiently folding it back into my process? May I be rewarded as a steward of the creative spirit acknowledging my role in society by being an artist able to continue sharing my work and my thoughts? May I speak of gratitude often today, as I am eternally thankful that I am able to walk the magical path of movement relishing in my abundance and prosperity as a poet of space?

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Phew!!

09 Friday Aug 2013

Posted by oberonsky in Uncategorized

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Amaranth, bliss, EBAS, gratitude, research leave, Scott Putman, travel

It has been quite some time since I last sat down and typed at these keys. It feels great to have a little bit of space in my life to be able to sit here and face the screen looking out into the vast internet hoping to connect with all of you. It is lovely to be back and I am looking forward to sharing with you all the lovely time I have been having and the insights that have passed through me during my time away from this blog.

First off, let me say how grateful I am to have had the luxury of a research leave that has been graciously supported by Virginia Commonwealth University (VCU) and the beautiful VCU Dance Department. I am so thankful for everyone who absorbed some of my work load, shared in covering for me, and just the energy it took to allow me the freedom to stretch my wings. I feel air again and I am so thankful I am able to once again fly with the wind rather than against it. Thank you!

Second, I have had the incredible opportunity to fly around the globe sharing my work both in choreography and in the Elemental Body Alignment System (EBAS). It has been such a joy to be opening my work up to a large audience and seeing how that work and that energy is being accepted and absorbed into the many practices we have shared it in. I can’t express the joy I feel when I see the work in action and the immediacy of the work in the hearts and bodies of those who are experiencing it. Thank you for your trust and your faith, not only in the work, but also in me. I am humbled and honored.

Finally, I have so much to share that I would like to spend some time allowing it to fall into all of the right places. There are so many thoughts and ideas that they all need the right time and the right space to enter this blog space. That said, stay tuned to the blog and all that will be revealing itself on these pages. I have missed the practice of writing and expressing myself through the written form and can’t wait to get back to the regular expression of my heart.

Thank you again to all of you who continue to follow, support, share and believe. I can feel your energy and I am so grateful to you for sharing in the bliss of this life. May you feel my gratitude coming back to you not only directly through me, but through all of those that get to experience the joy of Amaranth, EBAS and VCU.

My energy fill your body, may light fill your soul, and may love radiate from your heart!!

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Ever-Expanding Stillness

11 Tuesday Jun 2013

Posted by oberonsky in Uncategorized

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Ballet, change, contemporary dance, Dance, giggle, graciousness, gratitude, joy, laughter, light, Modern, modern dance, peace, shift, stillness, thankful

Over the past six months, I have had the luxury of space in my life. I was graciously supported in a research leave that opened up time allowing me to reflect, shift and create. During this time, I traveled the globe, dove deeply into my research in EBAS and created many dances. In addition, I embarked on several projects to expand my learning and sharing growing immensely in every action.

 

Reflecting on this space I feel a deep sense of gratitude for all that there is in my life. I am so thankful for the ability to be in a place where I am supported in taking the time to better understand my work, my teaching and my place in the larger community. I am grateful for what this time, space has offered me, and how it has significantly shifted my thoughts, creative ideas, potential projects and a myriad of possibilities. However, the thing I am most grateful that has happened is the shift it has created in my heart.

 

I have been processing my gratitude as of late and can only best describe my current condition as an ever-expanding stillness. I realize that my life is expanding filling and fulfilling its potential while exploring so many facets, I never fully comprehended possible. Yet, there is a quiet and a stillness that continues to expand and grow deep within feeding the gratitude, feeding the glow.

 

When we think of the expanding universe we think of it chaotically churning outwards and pressing the boundaries of itself into matter not yet known creating new existences. And although I am moving into places yet to be, there is no chaos, only peace in a stillness so sweet I can’t but help feel the joy giggling inside my veins.

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Recent Posts

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  • A Prayer of Release/A Prayer of Welcoming
  • Open Roads Meeting The Feet
  • When All is Lost, Sit.
  • Remembering to Breathe

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