Questioning an Ephemeral Life

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artistic, Ballet, choreography, contemporary ballet, creative process, Dance, ephemeral, heart knowledge, kinetic imagery, modern dance, sharing work, Soul to Soul, spirit, Teaching, teaching dance

As an artist and a teacher of ephemeral kinetics, I often wonder what it is my work amounts to. There is no tangible structure, thing or product to behold. All that is left of my work is what remains in the hearts of those that experience it.  Yes, there are videos of work or photos of moments in work, but really, the work as it is meant to be experienced, does not exist in any kind of totality.

 

Recently I created a very large work and left that work with the company. When I say left the work, I really mean leave behind the spirit of the work inside the movements of the hearts and minds of the dancers. They are the keepers of this energy and of this spirit. They are the guardians of the kinetic imagery and are truly the only ones that can translate the visions of my heart mind.

 

I left this work behind in the hands of many beautiful dancers and had to give away any control or tangible ownership. I sat quietly the evening of its premier knowing, that several states away, my vision was being revealed, moment-by-moment, in a space so very, far from where I sat.

 

This got me to thinking more deeply about what it is I do. How is it I have managed to make a life out of sharing the unknown or unseen? How is it that I have managed to build a body of work that really only exists in the moment? Even in teaching, once the class has ended, one can only know with ones heart what the body is feeling. One cannot really point to a book and say, I know this. Tests do not reflect the body’s knowledge when the heart is the only thing that truly understands this kinetic knowledge.

 

Does the work I do have value? Does what I share within the context of a concert or classroom matter in the scope of things? I know my heart has been moved and my life changed by my own process, and for that there is much value as my life is larger than I ever dreamed possible. Yet, what does it mean and how does one share that with people in the world who are so desperately needed to help support this kind of illusive artistic expression?

 

Our culture puts a great deal of value on product. We are constantly thinking about producing and providing outcomes. Even if those outcomes are really, just place cards to help people assign value to something unseen or unknown. Many times, I wonder why it is we are forced to justify ourselves through sales and seats when we should be spending more time crafting and exploring the value of our hearts.

 

Yet, with all of these unanswered questions, I retreat to the land of kinetic images. I give my time and my energy to creating worlds within worlds that only those that have the courage to walk through, will understand. I choose to spend my time working in the ephemeral world because what has brought goodness and light into my own life, may in fact, be felt by someone else. Moreover, the simple heart exchange, the moment when one basks in the energy and light of the universe through the transference of kinetic heart energy, is the most immeasurable yet profound moment of all.  This is the moment I choose.

 

More Learning from the Boys

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behavior modification, beleif, courage, Dance, dogs, faith, heart knowledge, kindess, love, my boys, patience, positive reinforcement, time, training, wisdom

I am learning a lot about patience through my recent work with Baxter. I have wanted to modify his behavior to keep him calm when the next-door neighbors non-spayed dog is out in the yard at the same time. Whenever she comes out, he looses it and all the Zen that you thought was a part of him turns to crazy. An odd and unnerving sight.

 

Recently I have been spending much more time with him trying to quietly calm him and get his attention to focus on me rather than solely focus on a female hormonal conquest. It has taken some time, but he calms very quickly through positive reinforcement and encouragement in his behavior. Just today, I was able to call him from the house, have him focus and even sit down to calmly watch his friend just across the fence.

 

I am so proud of him and his ability to channel his energy and his focus for this monumental shift. Because of these modifications in his energy and his focus, Bradford calms easily following the leader of the pack energy. Although I am the alpha, Baxter is above Bradford and having that supportive energy really does transfer throughout the pack. It is so nice to see the rewards of patience, kindness and positive energy feedback.

 

This reminds me of how important it is to implement this in all kinds of situations in our lives. We tend to live in a dominant driven winner take all culture that does not allow time and positive energy to actually do the work for us. After all modifications in behavior or any training only happens with time, encouragement and belief that the individual can make the changes necessary.

 

Once again, my dogs teach me the importance of patience and love not only for myself, but also for others around me. I need to breathe this in as I enter a classroom, rehearsal, meetings and ever so importantly, my back yard.

 

Living in the Space Between Magic and What Could Be: Day 3

Tags

body knowledge, consciuos living, courage, courageous heart, Dance, education, equalizing our thinking, fear, growth, heart knowledge, living with compassion, quieting the heart, quieting the mind, right brain

Rational thinking is not always the right ingredient for making something new or expanding our understanding of the world.  It seems the over thinking mind clouds the space between magic and what could be.  This is not to say that we should not try and strive for greater intellect or reason, it is however a plea for finding balance between the left and right sides of the brain so that we might temper our ego in order to heart-speak our reality into beautiful new places.

 

It is a frustrating, and often times discouraging, finding yourself living in the world of “rational” thinkers. The land of the left brain, dominant, male driven conquer at all cost mind set has been a highly destructive place for those of us who listen to the creative mind and use our body knowledge to exist.  It has also been a place that has hindered our own deeper cultivation of what is possible for ourselves as well as the cultures and societies that we live in.

 

I have often wondered what I might have accomplished if I had not been living in a place of fear and inadequacy never fully understanding the different kinds of knowledge that exist or that I possessed? I wonder what children today are put through with all of the testing for intellect rather than seeing if young people can actually comprehend and make coherent connections with who they are, the world they live in and the potential that is deep within them?

 

As I look back and see myself, the choices I have made, and the many mistakes I have lived, I realize I could have taken a much different route and have been living a little more congruent with who I am, what I can do and how I have gone about doing it. You see when one is put against a wall in our particular culture one must learn how, or think they need to know how, to fight their way out. We all do this in very different ways. For me it has been a direct and at times acidic route that has not always sat well with my heart. I have regretted much of my voice in my past and can only work on changing that so that there is peace and light that springs forth from my lips rather than a tongue that sharply cuts the heart of the people around me.

 

Another thing that is crucial for myself is to take time between action and reaction so as to let love answer rather than the fear driven ego that wants to fight. As I stated earlier, there is so much lost in that moment, that space, that if we allow ourselves, if I allow myself, I will be able to open up myself to the flow that is possible reigniting the flames of creativity while letting negative things go unsaid. It is up to me to only correct what I am capable of rather than feeling the need to drive a change what is not possible.  

 

Getting lost in our fear and our insecurity always creates a block that inhibits our truest and most song filled voice. Wandering in the world that is incongruent with our hearts and our lives only serves to strangle our spirits rather than inspire our vision. It is time we live inside the space of magic and possibility with patience, trust and confidence. Existing here with the kind of courage it takes to walk the ways in which are right for you, in a time that is easy on your soul, and with love as the shield absorbing any and all doubt.