The Magnitude of Being

Tags

Believing, Conscious Living, courage, Courageous Vulnerability, faith, healing, heart, heart knowledge, heart path, heartstrong, love, pathways, Soul to Soul, spirit, universal consciousness, universal heart

I am overwhelmed by this acceptance of being. Truly humbled by the magnitude of being in all honesty. The deeper I go into this journey of the heart I am reminded of the incredible richness of simply being on this journey of living. There are times when I can’t believe I have been given these gifts. 

Although my entire life has been a unique journey of discovering who I am at my deepest levels, there has always been a sense of childlike knowing that supported all of my actions and choices. To be honest, I have always felt I was looked after and cared for by outside forces that I never quite knew how to speak of. And yet now, at another transformative moment in my life, I feel very much cradled by an energy so magnificent that it often brings me to tears. 

Yes, I get so moved by the energy and love that I simply can’t believe that I am on this adventure of becoming again and again. Just when I think I don’t know the way or that answers are eluding me, I get wrapped in love and reminded that I am a child of an ever loving universe and it’s desire for my well-being. 

The pandemic was a catalyst for great change and heart work. I chose to go deep within rather than to reinvent myself in the wake of chaos. It was a conscious choice to heal and to let go of whatever I no longer needed or served me. It was a choice to not pretend that all was right in the world but rather embrace the moment as a time to return to many of the things I lost along the way of chasing; racing for a dream of the ego rather than the resonating truth of my being. 

Over the last three years I have found a new relationship with myself that is allowing the space for perhaps the greatest shift I will make for myself. How I have perceived myself and my work is now being re-examined and re-evaluated. This return to being is being felt on many levels and within all of my work both personally and professionally. 

Reuniting with dreams lost, a heart broken and a flame dwindling; now is the time to reignite the light within and retell the story. Rebuild the dream and rekindle the light that led me so far and to so many wonderful places. 

It’s funny because at so many times and experiences I found out how naïve I was and yet realize now that this perception was wrong all along. I knew where my heart was, what my hands could do and what instinctively drove my creativity. And although I didn’t know the world, the universe knew me. Letting the world change me and quiet the heart and dampen the dream was the shame and guilt from simply living and creating from the heart. 

And so now that there is a shift back to the heart and the work of love, I am witness to the shedding of so much pain, hurt and fear. I am witness to the letting go and lightening of these burdens that have been strangling the heart and the voice. It’s time to sing once again the sweet victories of being and to celebrate once again the magnitude of being. It’s time to be the light and energy that is truly what lives within. It’s a time of pivot and a time to be free. 

Thirty Days of Thoughts: Day 2

Tags

choreography, Dance, dance makers, dance making, heart, heart path, modern dance, spiritual, spirituality

There is a sweetness of awareness that has been happening over the past few months that have really been such a beautiful experience. As I dive deeper into the Five Element Theories of Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM), I am finding so many wonderful connections with all of the work I have been doing for the past thirty years creatively as well as spiritually. It’s nice to feel a sense of return in addition to the confirmation of what I have known and felt all along.

Coincidently my spiritual practice was revealed through my decision to dance. Back when I first started I was introduced to various movement practices through a seminar class that was required for our curriculum. It was through this coursework that Tai Chi and Qi Gong was introduced to my life.

Since then my creative and spiritual journey have been interwoven through the works I made and the philosophies that were the inspiration for that work. It seems there has always been a parallel of physicality and well-being throughout my early training practices.

dues to starting dance at a very late age all of this work and playing catch-up influenced the way I grew and developed my thinking and in many ways how I perceived dance and technique. I was never trained through the aesthetics of various forms but rather encouraged to explore, discover and play with how my body felt in motion. I felt ecstasy in movement and fell deeply in love with my soulful connection to my body.

Clearly the path I chose had a big influence on the rest of my life. I made choices to stay in motion even if there were “objects” interacting at times to thwart my momentum. The laws of motion somehow kept me moving and moving through me to allow for opportunities to keep diving deeper. It is this wonderful appreciation of fate that I owe a deep gratitude to for dance giving me the life it has. And what a life it has been!!

Thirty Days of Thoughts: Day 1

Tags

Adventure, courage, courageous heart, Courageous Vulnerability, fear, heart, heart knowledge, heart path, journey, joy, life, listening to the heart, return, sharing, Writing

6/1/21

After a wild ride this past year it feels as if there may be room to breathe a little more easily and to put into motion all of the “heart” work that was done during the pandemic. Perhaps even a small expression of joy as the school year ends and there is space for a great exhale making room for the next big breath. 

I have decided to use this month as a writing challenge and return to a practice which scares me. Writing has never been easy for me and has created quite a large amount of trauma throughout my education in general. So to lean into this moment of joy with a challenging journey seems to be what my spirit is asking. I am turning to face the fear in order to break through for the sharing of some very exciting research. 

I would like to invite you on this thrifty day adventure of sharing whatever thoughts seem most relevant to be speaking to. I have no focus or theme other than sharing with you on a daily basis in order to connect, release and sharpen the practice of writing. I would love for you to join me in this sharing and to also to hear your perspective regardless of your lens. After all, listening to speak has been one of the key elements that have shifted ever more deeply for me over the past year and some change. 

And lastly, thank you in advance for taking the time and giving your energy and focus to the art of sharing. On some small level I would like to even challenge you to use these next thirty days as a check in for yourself as well. Set some time aside to create space within your day when you might find yourself listening with your eyes and being open to hear how your heart feels in these moments. 

May this be a transcendental adventure for us all! 

Sending light, love and levity!!!

Duality

Tags

allowing, Believing, Conscious Living, courage, Courageous Vulnerability, faith, heart, heart path, journey, Magic, Soul to Soul, spirit, universal consciousness, universal heart, well being

Duality, rather the extreme of duality, is significant and yet insignificant. It’s own nature diminishes any division by encouraging, and perhaps welcoming the unification of all things. We are taught this and that. Light and dark. As if these things are separate and somehow different. Yet, truthfully, they are on a spectrum within a field of multiplicity of no right or no wrong. Everything just is.

This is not to say that complacency is our present, but being present washes away complacency itself and promotes action for equality and balance. Walk in the presence of your heart and speak with the hearts greatest truth and desire. The solutions to your perceived division will present themselves through the magic of truth.

The spells we cast on ourselves are the ones that bind us to the differences between us. Perhaps it is in accepting the true nature of reality in that all things are one is the only way to break the spell of condition and oppression. Allow for the unification of all things and you will allow yourself to walk as one with the world.

Returning “Home”

Tags

Conscious Living, Courageous Vulnerability, heart path, journey, patience, Soul to Soul, spirit, travel, Understanding, universal heart, Vulnerable, well being, Wonder

I have traveled many a place wandering far from home. As a child I dreamed of exploring this world to experience places and wonders unimaginable. The work I have chosen has provided that opportunity. Yet, when I started down that road I had no idea the magnitude of what the choice to make a decision to follow a heart fulfilled by movement would be. In fact, most people discouraged that thought as I threw caution to the wind and decided I must choose that which I knew nothing about but that fulfilled my heart.

It has been a journey. Full of both highs and lows, it has been a tumultuous ride. A ride I would not choose to do any differently. It has not been what I had dreamed, but it has been more than I could have possibly imagined. Yet, I realize my actual dreams are still ahead of me since all that has been happening in life has only been the preparation for what is to come. I have not always been ready for my dreams and therefor my life has been teaching me, training me in the ways in which I will be well prepared to handle the success of what is to come.

I realize this as I return to “home”. You see in all my travels and friendships on this journey I have landed in several places where my work has allowed a space of comfort and connection I could have never imagined. Yes, my original home is with my family in the suburbs of Chicago with family and friends who were incredible to me throughout my time growing up as a young adult. This allowed me the courage and confidence to make decisions to move myself along a path of following my dreams. My mother and my friends, my dear loving friends, held my hand with their love and their belief in me even when I had no belief in myself.

This love is home. And now I have found myself in a second home here in Denver. This place has become a space of creativity, love and light. It has become a place where I find comfort and support, graciousness and gratitude as well as love and admiration. In the creative space of the studio students give their all to us allowing an expression of the human condition through movement while being vulnerable and trusting enough to let us expand their movement vocabulary and understanding of what is possible in dance. This is a sacred space of returning that allows us to feel as if we are “home” when we return to the space of DSA.

And once the work is done in the studio, we return “home” to a space where we are loved and cared for for all of who we are and all of who we want to be. We are embraced with laughter and light, with warmth and with friendship, with food and with care. We return “home” to people who embrace us with their arms and with their hearts opening their home to us and sharing their stories with ours furthering the understanding of relationships full of love. This the ultimate humane condition. I am always amazed and honored when returning with some of the same people and some of the new people who have been gathered in the creative net of my life.

For this, I am grateful. For this I send an appreciation of love and light and most importantly, laughter. Laughter has always been the one thing that made me realize how much I love life and love the people in my life. If we have shared through laughter, we have shared through love. This is the way I prefer to show love I guess; the way in which I do love and express love. The loving light of laughter through humility and vulnerability to laugh at myself and at the experiences that bring a better understanding of humanity.

I am reminded of this as I return “home”. I am reminded to reach for more when I return “home”. I am encouraged and inspired when I return “home”. And this time, I realize it is time to reach further and to have the courage to make new pathways and perhaps leave “home” once again for even more fantastic journey’s and explorations. I understand that through this loving laughter it is time to take off to place unknown once again. It is time to “Depart from Platform Unknown” to places unknown with the courage and faith that life will be unfolding underneath my feet, guiding the way under the light of the waning moon.

Coming “home” after building a home has reminded me of my humble beginnings. And so I begin again for another shift in life to move forward into the direction of my actions, and the actions moving me forward into directions of the unfathomable. Thank you family and friends from Chicago. Thank you “family” and friends of Denver. Thank you for being the platform from which to catapult a whole new way of being.

Departing from Platform Unknown

Tags

Conscious Living, courage, Courageous Vulnerability, Dream, heart, heart path, path, patience, spirituality, well being, Wonder

Standing in this meadow looking out at the expanse, all I see is possibility.

Although there are mountains that surround me, they are beautiful and beckon an ascent.

Yes, it is beautiful here too, but I wonder what lies just beyond the mountain?

I wonder what I might see from its vistas and what wonder might await just beyond?

Yes, there will be a lot of effort expended in order to shift this present state.

And yes, there is the unknown, but the unknown is here right now too.

So if this platform from which I stand is uncertain, then ultimately there is no real risk.

The only thing that can possibly happen is change.

If I stay too long, I worry about stasis.

If I do not challenge myself to push for more, then there is complacency.

If I do not engage in growth and development, my work ceases to be relevant.

Standing in this meadow I have made a decision; embrace the possibility.

The Truth of Expression

Tags

Believing, Conscious Living, courage, Courageous Vulnerability, Dream, faith, heart, heart path, recycled poetry, universal heart

I will not attempt extraordinary sentiments beyond expression
I explain necessity of heart and truth
Your opinion I will know the moment of your arrival
The physical expression of your light will ring true

Misplaced Bag

Tags

Believing, Conscious Living, contemporary dance, courage, Courageous Vulnerability, Creative Flow, Creativity, Dance, Energy, heart path, journey, Magic, Mindful Action, modern dance, Teaching, universal consciousness, universal heart

I made it to Paris with only one hitch. My bag somehow took a flight to Charlotte instead of Philly with me. As I was the last one standing at CDG, I soon realized I had an issue. All my clothes and toiletries were still in the states as I stood at carousel 3 waiting for my bag. Calmly. I waited.

I then went to the baggage claim area attendant to make a report and file the missing luggage. This was when I was told that someone in Richmond put my bag on a plane to where I was not. Isn’t that against TSA regulations? I digress.

Anyway, on a positive note, I only had my bags on my shoulders to carry on the RER and Metro to find my apartment. So I started my journey a little lighter than expected. The good thing was that if all went well, someone would hand deliver my outfits,  unmentionables and toiletries directly to my door. Yet, I admit I was nervous that there was no real way to contact me and since I was staying in an apartment rather than a hotel, it would be a little more difficult to actually get the bad delivered.

At present I sit waiting in my apartment. I do know the bag made it to Paris and is supposedly on its way to being delivered. I have stayed at the apartment save the time I went out shopping for coffee, breakfast goodies and a few other nash items. Still no word or call. They do have the land line, but I know they didn’t call while I was gone as there were no messages left and no record of incoming calls.

The rest of the day has been full of classical music wafting throughout the apartment with much writing and reading on my part. I have been forced to take a day of quiet contemplation and rest. Much needed rest and much desired quiet time as well. I often forget how much I like quiet and alone time. As I mentioned before in my writing, I do like embracing my introvert behaviors and often do not honor them enough. Clearly someone at RIC decided I needed to get reacquainted with that part of myself.

None the less, I am here and in perfect bliss. Staying in an apartment in the 3rd Arr. in Paris while I have time to think and to expand my current understanding of time, I am in a Scott heaven. It is so nice to be back here and in a place that is congruent with my pace of life and with the workings and wirings of my being.

I am often in a position where I question myself within the confines of my culture and feel as if the way in which my brain works, I process, and desire to walk the path of my life is somehow not as good as others. Yes, I often feel as if the way in which I am put together is oddly enough not acknowledged or honored.

Living a non-western life within a western culture is a little difficult at times. Being an introvert in an extrovert world is also challenging as introverts are seldom recognized for their thought process or quiet and contemplative ways. As if it wasn’t enough being a second class citizen who is a dancer and gay at that. Adding up all the marks against me I often wonder why I haven’t given up all together?

Yet, I know the answer to that. I do. I realize that I am making choices in my life that are right for me. I have taken the heat for it over and over again, but still make the choices that are congruent with my heart speak. In doing so, one is often labeled as the mean one or the one who speaks out when he shouldn’t. Even though it needs to be said and everyone knows it, still the ass for saying it. Which is also odd being that I prefer not to speak in the first place. I hate public speaking.

But is it any wonder that I prefer the art of dance where I do not have to speak in public at all? Not at all. I like the abstract world of contemporary imagistic ephemeral moments that take people deep within their own reality to suggest questions that sometimes do not get asked. Yes, I like to pose a question without speaking words but by merely crafting an image to plant the seed of thought. Even if it needs attending to or gets trampled on, I like that way of communicating the best.

And now that I have found the confidence to share my thoughts and ideas through words, it is no wonder that the words are on a page or screen that still keep me at a safe distance in a way that allows a reader to absorb it in the ways in which are best or most appropriate for them. I am finding that communicating in this form is helping me to find the right ways in which to read a different audience than a dance audience. As well as it helps me to even crystalize and create my three dimensional story telling in space.

I have always had a dream that I whispered to the universe of wanting to write a book. And this I am doing. It is taking me time, but I write daily the meanderings of my thoughts on technique and choreography. They are not traditional thoughts by any means. They are rooted in very eastern practices with clearly more unique ways of attending to the art of listening to the process rather than manufacturing a product. I am embracing this as I have embraced the time a lost bag can help a lost heart.

 

Present Living and Loving

Tags

Conscious Living, courage, Courageous Vulnerability, Dream, faith, heart, heart path, hope, love, Mindful Action, path, present living and loving, universal consciousness, universal heart

The best way to speak of love is to live in love. The best way to share a dream is to live in the presence of it. The only way one can truly speak of anything is through their actions. Words are abstract intellectual musings that do not compare to the present moment of the action. There is an immediacy in the art of living that cannot be matched by representations of what has passed. Spend time in the presence of love and in the fulfillment of your hearts dreams. It is here that we resonate with every other single humane being who has ever been or will ever be.

 

Lost Language of Space

Tags

Ballet, Believing, choreography, Conscious Living, contemporary dance, courage, Courageous Vulnerability, Creative Flow, Dance, Energy, heart, heart path, journey, joy, light, love, Modern, modern dance, Soul to Soul, spirit, spirituality, universal consciousness, universal heart

There is a language lost inside the chaos of contradictory images of space and time. We are a drift in a time of dissolution. Floating aimlessly amidst the sea of “noise” that drowns out the voice of spirit and truth for the survival of the human spirit. Now, more than ever, is there a need for the investigation and cultivation of the quiet. A pressing need to find the distilled reason for being. I can think of no better time than the present to question personal behavior and claim a responsibility for ourselves and our spirit. No better time to accept our own role as the leader and director of our life and lively hood. It is too late for blame. It is too late to wait around for someone or something to bail us out. It is we who should help ourselves in order to help those we love, along with the things we love to do, thus allowing us to fulfill our spirit and bring us joy. It is important to embark on a journey in which we meander our personal labyrinth to sift through the chaos. It is important for us to press what does not matter away from the center of our beings. Chaos has cluttered the space around us and the space within us is collapsing. Fill the space within with an energy and light that will allow for an expansion of the spirit. Allow the space to be a sanctuary and sacred space for you to be; safe and flowing with the freedom for the mind and central nervous system to speak clearly to the body for healing and well-being. As we create space within, the space without will be created. When we find the space to live, we will find the space to listen. When we find the time to listen, we will hear the lost voice of our soul and start living the life that is ours. Finally we will find freedom to live the life that our spirit has been trying to live since the day we were born. This is freedom. This is the desire of the heart.