Honoring the Space of Loss

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allowing, forgiveness, grace, gratitude, Greif, here after, hope, letting go, light, Loss, love, space

It is amazing how much space there is in the absence of love. Deep vacuous space in which a magnanimous soul inhabited. Recognizing this immense openness I become aware of the enormity of the spirit that existed here and am strangely filled with an incredible admiration and gratitude for being present in its grace.

I am also deeply aware of the energy and light that filled this space and all that was given to me. I have been graced with an incredible gift unlike I have ever known before.

As I absorb and simultaneously absolve my grief, I do not desire to diminish or close off the space that remains due to loss of physical presence. What I realize is I must embrace the absence of body and let it remain open and filled with spirit and the essence of the very love of that spirit. Thus, the space is honored by the immense peace that continues to resonate from it.

Love and the loss of physical presence does not mean that love is lost at all. All it does mean is that we need to celebrate and honor it in just a different way so as to let it continue to grow within us. You see the space of love is not meant to be filled or diminished. As a matter of fact, just the opposite is what the gift of loss is.

What I have come to understand is that what happens next is to find the courage and the strength to expand the heart even more to create even more opportunity to let love in again. Just as the universe continues to expand so too shall our hearts. So too shall we mirror and reflect this growth and so too shall we encourage and welcome even more love than we ever felt or knew possible.

I have been graced with such big love that I shall feel graced once again if I only risk to push open my heart and allow for the bigness of a heart as wide as the expansive universe itself.

If I have the courage to do this then then I have the conviction to welcome all the love there is. And if I welcome all the love there is, I have truly honored the love of the space that is left and that I embrace and live within at this moment. I am reminded once again and it is confirmed; there is no loss and there is no loss of love.

With gratitude for the forever graciousness of every being I have ever shared a moment,

Scott

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I Finished Another One

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change, courage, development, encouraging, faith, fear, gay, growth, hope, inspiration, love, Love Between Men, reading, spirit, Support, words that hurt, words that inspire, Writing, young relationships

I have just closed another book. Upon doing so, I have whispered into the air the words I have been whispering every time I have closed a book for the last 27 years. “I finished another one my dear, (……)”! I have uttered softly these words aloud or under my breath for some time now and have not shared this secret with more than a handful. The secret of the phrase, or the persons name in which I speak.

I have held both of them close for two reasons: 1. Because it has taken me this long to have faith in myself as an intellectual being and 2. Because the persons name was my very first love who, to this day, I am not sure is out. Out of the respect for him, I keep his name silent, but out of the need to share the triumph of courage, I share now.

Several things about this story are important. First off, words hold great weight. They can be used to inspire and educate, to uplift and encourage as well as to degrade and hurt. Even though many times people do not realize the words they speak cause severe damage, they do regardless if they are malicious or unaware. We should all be more mindful of our words and the ways in which we choose and use them.

Second, we must remember that there are so many things in our lives that we have believed to be true that were or are not and that we can over come. Society encourages individuals to believe things simply because one is different or unlike them. Regardless if there is even an ounce of truth to the assumption, because I am different, it must be true. Do not believe this. Listen to your heart to save the heart from ache.

So what does all of this have to do with closing a book and speaking those words? Well, for the past 27 years I have never believed or had the courage to believe that I could read or write well at all. I did not want to read or write out of the fear that someone would think I was stupid and uneducated. Feared being found out that who I was, was not in fact who I wanted to be.

That said, being gay and having your boyfriend tell you you were incapable of finishing a book or even a magazine for that matter even layers the whole issue. Yes, that is what he used to tell me all the time. So of course, when one is in high school, has a boyfriend in the same high school that no one knows anything about and that the fear of anyone finding out scares you, of course the reality of the situation can get a little skewed. Growing up in a world where who you were was a secret and the fear of anyone finding out keeps one from asking too many questions or sharing too many things one would like in situations that need comfort or understanding.

I began to believe this sentiment. I mean, he loved me right? We loved each other. He must be right? I mean what do I do? Not very good at school. Run in a completely different crowd. All the boxes of who I am externally do not match any sense of intelligence or writing ability. Right?

And so I have carried this for a very long time. It has weighed on me through college, my professional career as a dancer and choreographer, grad school and presently my academic life. Living in fear that one would be found out is not the kind of life one should carry around with them. It gets in the way of the good life and the life in which is actually the one you are supposed to be living.

So after all of these years, hundreds of books read, mountains of journals, papers, manuals and blogs; I realize perhaps all these years I have let someone hold me back from realizing all of who I could have been. I gave away my power to be loved. Love like that is not love. It is fear in the guise of love using words to hold close that which they do not understand. Words can trap a spirit from being what it is truly meant to be. So be careful with your words. They might scar someone deeply.

Now, however, I whisper those words and I smile. I giggle as I have come to realize the writer and intellect inside me. I use those words as inspiration. With every book I gain momentum. With every post I find more courage. Writing the EBAS manual was monumental and presently being in the throws of writing my book inspirational. Even if the only inspiration is for myself and the book never sells a copy, although I know it will because my friends love me, it will still be worth it.

And so as I sit here and close the pages of another book, I raise it to the sky and say, “I finished another one my dear, (…..)”!

Present Living and Loving

Tags

Conscious Living, courage, Courageous Vulnerability, Dream, faith, heart, heart path, hope, love, Mindful Action, path, present living and loving, universal consciousness, universal heart

The best way to speak of love is to live in love. The best way to share a dream is to live in the presence of it. The only way one can truly speak of anything is through their actions. Words are abstract intellectual musings that do not compare to the present moment of the action. There is an immediacy in the art of living that cannot be matched by representations of what has passed. Spend time in the presence of love and in the fulfillment of your hearts dreams. It is here that we resonate with every other single humane being who has ever been or will ever be.

 

Words for the dancers of “Bridging the River of Timelessness”

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Ballet, choreography, Conscious Living, contemporary dance, Dance, Dream, heart path, hope, journey, light, Mindful Action, Modern, path, patience, Soul to Soul, spirituality, training, universal consciousness, universal heart

Bridging the River of Timelessness

 

With each step, we are pushed upwards towards the heavens. With each breath, heaven absorbs us. We live in a constant state of rise and fall, evolution and demise as well as continual transformation. This is what creates the movement that guides us all towards the ultimate freedom of transcendence.

 

In these quiet, contemplative steps, we must be mindful of the very moments we inhabit. These moments help us to understand the magnitude of our being in order to recognize the bridges needed to cross the river of timelessness.

 

There needs to be no fear for what is to come. That which is our present, is the angel that keeps us safe. In this present moment of awareness, we understand all things as time ceases to have importance. It is this moment that the universe allows you to glimpse the radiant glory of timelessness itself. And because of this insight, you know, in the deepest parts of your spirit, that there is nothing to fear for you are the light of the universe and the universe is the light of you.

 

Gratitude of Joy

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Believing, Conscious Living, Courageous Vulnerability, Energy, faith, heart, heart path, hope, journey, joy, love, Magic, Modern, Soul to Soul, spirit, universal heart, Vulnerable, Wonder

I know there is pain and suffering in the world. I know that there is much to be shifted and changed in all of our individual and collective lives. I know this. I acknowledge the frail, imperfect and vulnerable lines we walk and that which surrounds us. However, at this moment, all I know is bliss. All I see is beauty. All there is is joy.

I choose, at this moment to see, welcome and embrace what is often seldom seen or folded into our lives. Instead of giving in, I give out. Instead of giving up, I give within. I see between the lines. I listen to the parts of the harmony that allow the melody to be remembered. It is in these unusual places that perfect of moments lives. The most beautiful and sacred magical moments live here.

At this moment I shut my eyes and give thanks for all that is here. This is my moment of gratitude; my moment to change the rest of my life by accepting this life as the most beautiful of all things I could be living. Right here. Right now. This moment. This life. This is the joy.

Joy as our Rudder

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courage, emotional congruency, faith, fear, heart, hope, journey, joy, laughter, light, merriment, passion, path, rudder, Soul to Soul, spirit, spiritual

We should let joy be our rudder and courage our sails. If we are to cast off towards our dreams on a sea of constant change, we should remain faithful to our journey with the most joyful heart and courageous spirit. If we have these two characteristics as part of our arsenal, we are sure to journey with much laughter and good spirit finding ourselves collaborating with the elements regardless of their intensity.

 

We should let love be our light and laughter our energy. If we are to encounter our deepest fears along our journey, we should let love from our hearts light the dark caverns and laughter echo loudly against those walls. If we have these two sources of power deep within the well of our hearts, we are sure to journey with much compassion and understanding in ourselves and for others that there will only be congruent steps full of merriment for have taken this path. 

 

Thoughts for Jaime

Tags

Ballet, Dance, dreams, EBAS, fate, following your heart, heart, heart path, hope, keeping faith, letter to a student, Modern, Soul to Soul

remember that you must continue to listen to your heart above all else. if your feeling the urge to perform and choreograph, then do so. Your heart knows what it needs and doing what it needs is the secret to good health. Both physically and emotionally. This is what people do not understand. Good health is listening to our hearts. Good health is listening to a body that speaks. Listen and you will heal. Listen and you will grow. Listen and you will find your peace despite the chaos that your surroundings might be suggesting.

You asked for my advice about doing it all. My strongest advice would be to DO it all. Remember the ebb and flow and that there will be times when one weighs in more than the other, but DO them all. And in the times when you feel you can’t, ACT like you are DOING them all. Keeping the mind engaged in the action or better understood from our classwork together, Move into the direction of the action. If you do this you will be in the flow of your desires. You will flow with your dreams rather than manufacturing the pretense of your dreams.

I have no formula for you. There isn’t one. The only antidote for what this is, is to listen to your heart. Walk your heart path. Most of all, be kind to your heart and your body. They are your army. They will protect and serve.

The Need for Silence Now

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belief, faithless, hope, light, listening, listening to the heart, losing faith, losing hope, Needing silence, quiet, Searching for dreams, Soul to Soul, spirit, stillness

There is a deep need for silence, an aching for a calm. As the world spins ever so faster while time seems to shrink, the noise of confusion and the clouds of uncertainty, seem to drown out the light of hope. We have shackled ourselves with others dreams and become lost with their burdens. . We allow what was created for good, to strangle the very breath of our being. We live in a lie while pretending to be free.

 

 

Our navigation systems are no longer working and our compass for humanity is no longer sending us in the right direction. We have the devil whispering desires into our ears while simultaneously watching a society and culture grasp in desperation for ways of satiating shriveled souls. There is darkness inside the spirit as the light continues to dim with each passing day.

 

We no longer listen to the voices of light within. We have turned our hearts away from what is true for ourselves in exchange for what a society is preaching. We are no longer capable of making decisions for the self that allow our individual souls to sing. What materially drives societal goals has squelched the magical vibrations of the true nature of reality.

 

My heart aches as young people turn away from their dreams. I weep as I see children struggle with what their hearts tell them to be true versus what the TV demands them to believe. We are no longer at the wheel driving our destiny; we have released our fate to the faithless.

Fulfilling Our Humaness

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Ballet, Believing, compassion, Conscious Living, contemporary dance, courage, Courageous Vulnerability, Creative Flow, Dance, Dream, faith, hope, humanness, journey, light, love, trust, Understanding, universal consciousness, universal heart, vulnerablitiy, well being

Dare we land on our dreams? Dare we fulfill our innermost desires? Dare we find our true bliss? I say dare because most of us fear the things we want the most. Do we actually have enough courage to walk in the light of success and absorb it with humility and gratefulness?

Many are deterred by the sheer work that it takes to even follow along their own heart path, let alone thinking of what it might take to navigate the turbulent world of success, once you get there.

Is it really that much easier to acquiesce, falling back into the line of people marching in a circular direction, round and round, numb and not feeling, simply to accept mediocrity? Is this what we choose rather than fear we might just get to the ridge of our dreams, peak over and say to ourselves, “is that all there is?”

If this is our thought process, conscious or unconscious, there needs to be some serious rewiring of our thinking. Even more so, we have some serious cultural and social shifts we need to address along the way.  If these are our thoughts, perhaps we might want to start, one small step at a time, figuring out how to steer our boat into the wind. Perhaps it is time to find that winds current and hoist the sails so that we might start moving into the direction of our dreams and moving into the direction of the action.

In order for all of this, we must ask for help. We must be vulnerable enough to release our desire to manage and manufacture. We must let go of manipulation and greed, and we must accept that perhaps our dreams might even be larger than we could have ever imagined them to be.  Wouldn’t it be funny if we were not even visioning big enough, and that that might be the incongruence holding us back?

Then, what if, through allowing ourselves these things, we were able to land on our dreams? We would touch down in a place though impossible and yet now a reality. Then as we stand there, we do not ask ourselves if this is all there is, but we acknowledge our gratitude for the journey, the lessons learned along the way, and realize that this dream is what it truly means to fulfill our humanness.

Takeing Time for Technique

Tags

Ballet, Believing, choreography, Conscious Living, contemporary dance, Courageous Vulnerability, Creativity, Dance, EBAS, Fierce, hope, joy, Kindness, Modern, Movement, Musculature, patience, peace, Support, Teaching, Technique, training, Vulnerable, well being

The Elemental Body Alignment System was designed to help the learner activate the intrinsic musculature allowing them to immediately connect with firing them and overriding the natural impulse to immediately fire the gross musculature which inhibiting range of motion and promoting an imbalance in muscular engagemen. In EBAS and both ballet and modern techniques in which I teach, this deep activation of musculature necessary for articulating and supporting movement from the appropriate place is crucial in ones ability to successfully achieve the technical concepts given.

Students of all levels are able to access this musculature if in fact they are given the time to feel particular activations and allow the mechanics of the movement to assist them in doing the work or task given. All to often, when I take class or observe classes being taught, there is this push to do everything fast. It is almost as if speed is the benchmark for excellence. Do not get me wrong, speed us crucial for dancers and we should all be able to move well on a large spectrum through various speeds indeed.  However, we do need to be sure we are doing it technically and holistically correct.

When beginning to train and well into the training of advanced dancers, we must remember to allow the body time to fully experience technical concepts. If we don’t allow this gentling of space and time, gross musculature engagement will override the balance and equality necessary for healthy technical principles thus slowing down technical progress and the healthy development of a dancers training and therefore their elongated career.

I for one would prefer a dancer to take more time in the beginning rather learning how to activate appropriate technique with the right balance and promoting the momentum of success for them, rather than beating them over the head with speed causing frustration and in many ways, humiliation. There are better ways of building speed and using momentum and the building of positive muscular feedback loops is the way to go.

You see if the student knows how to activate deeply from the muscles closest to the bone, they will be able to access the fine-tuning muscles necessary for the articulation of all forms of technique. They will successfully be able to repeat those sensations while building confidence and courage identifying what is necessary and how to accomplish the task of speed efficiently.

I often feel as if teachers who give material to students excessively prematurely are simply masking the fact that they themselves have no idea how to teach fundamental principles. I feel they are simply trying to fool the student into thinking they know what they are doing by making the student feel as if they could never do things properly or fast enough to ever make it as a dancer. This certainly does not allow students the opportunity to succeed in our art form not does it promote appropriate and healthy technique.

We need to take the time to slow down learning how to stand and be. We need to allow our students the luxury of time now so they can save time and frustration later. We need to encourage the student to feel technique from the inside out rather than promote training the façade of the body. We need to train dancers who can feel themselves deeply and therefore deeply feel. These are the kind of dancers who speak the magic of the art form to the audience. These are the physical storytellers so desperately missing in today’s work.