Revealing the Light

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changes, courageous heart, Courageous Vulnerability, development, Existence, fear, friends, humanity, inspiration, learning, lessons learned, life, light, love, sharing, society, thoughts, truth, Vulnerable, vulnerablitiy, Writing

There is light within us all. Regardless of where we come from, what we believe, who we are or what we have done; light resides in each and every one of us and animates our souls. Sometimes this is hard to feel and to know as so many are struggling with so much and simply moving through the day is often a huge weight to bear. And yet, I assure you there is light within. After all you are the light of the universe and that light is in the very essence of your DNA.

So how does one journey to reveal the light within? How is it that we can find a way to peel away the institution of crippling fear? There is no simple answer nor direct path, but there is a place to start. That starting point is learning to claim your light by recognizing that vulnerability is your greatest asset as well as the seed of what makes you uniquely you and gives authenticity to your voice as a beautiful light filled human being with something to offer this world.

Yes, vulnerability is the place where you must live to stand in the face of your fear. Standing on the legs of a courageous heart takes work and it takes pride. Be proud of what you are even if it is not the same as the people around you or like any other person you know. Be proud to state your name, your love, your vision and your truth. Be mindful not to hide away what you deem to be unworthy or not good enough. Doing so will hold you back from what your soulful desires actually are.

As a child I lived in a place of vulnerability and truth but allowed the world around me swallow that innocence and love. Scolded and shamed into no longer trusting the instincts and visions, a young boy became a young man who hid away what others did not understand or even know possible. Hiding the abilities that have been so graciously given strangles the very nature of our true being. And if we are not living in our most honest and vulnerable selves, we are no longer living because we no longer live in the presence of unconditional love. We no longer reside in the place of self love that is necessary for every single relationship we encounter be it romantic and otherwise.

So now I stand in courageous vulnerability to face the fears that have overcome the child within and the wisdom of the heart. Fear is no longer welcome when light shines on its darkness. When light shines it creates shadow. On the other side of shadow is a place for fear for we need to know it is there at all times but our awareness of it is partly what powers and empowers us to stand and face it. Peeling back the layers of a closed heart will release the light that lives in the spirit of the heart. We can stand firmly in the face of fear when we realize there is no greater place to live our lives than to be standing in the face of courageous vulnerability.

And as I challenge you, I challenge myself. As I turn to face my own fears I encourage you to do the same. Yet, do it in the ways that make sense to you and in the ways that feel right for you. We all own our own fears and therefor need to face and embrace them in the ways that work for us. Welcome tiny steps to build the kind of momentum that will transform your being. After all, momentum favors the willing. Be willing and therefor you will be. Be and you shall become.

Reveal the light that you are.

The entire light.

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Learning to Recognize the Moment of Transformation

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art, changes, faith, humanity, inspiration, learning, lessons learned, observations, sharing, space, thoughts, truth

There comes a time when we recognize the moment in which our life turns a corner. That realization to face the change with courage, dignity and humility is a quintessential pivot in our consciousness as well as in our well-being. This is a defining moment and one that will transform us and our lives completely.

Often times we are unable to recognize these miraculous moments due to the cacophony of noise that surrounds our everyday existence not to mention the noise residing in our own mind. When we are immersed in such noise we know we have succumbed to the betrayal of our authentic selves and have fallen into the falsehood of intellect rather than the intelligence of the heart.

One way to unravel this strangle hold is to immerse oneself into the reorganization of the physical body through conscious training by cultivating an intimate relationship in which the body is the tool to reestablish our relationship to ourselves. This is crucial to being able to create both the physical and emotional space for realigning the vibrations of a healthy being.

There are so many ways to go about this awakening. So many movement modalities and practices that one can connect with to foster a healthy relationship with mind/body. Whatever the practice you choose, give it time. Patience is a required element in the equation for peace and physical and spiritual well-being. Allowing yourself to explore time in an unconventional way so as to suspend habitual or conditional thinking will nurture a new physical paradigm.

Just as it takes time to train the ears to hear, the eyes to see and the heart to speak; so too is it necessary to give space to time to press open a moment allowing the body to unravel itself through its own weight and its own wisdom. Give yourself to the magnitude of your being so as to recognize the moment when the universe opens the door to the greatest road map for success, prosperity and spiritual bliss.

Lifting Lines Morphing Visions- P3:3

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changes, faith, health, inspiration, learning, lessons learned, life, life unfolding, observations, opportunity, thoughts, wellness

Listen, can you hear it?

Wait, can you feel it?

Quiet, its subtlety is sublime.

Listen, its faint vibration a fathomless expanse of wonder.

Wait, its opportunity an incomprehensible bliss.

Quiet, its meeting you long before you are even aware you beckoned it.

Listen and wait quietly for what is to be your second journey into the first time you allowed yourself to be.

Listen and wait quietly to unleash the wild wonderment of the fathomless you.

No Longer to Speak/Rather to Live

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changes, faith, humanity, inspiration, learning, lessons learned, life, observations, sharing

I feel compelled to no longer speak the truth but rather to live the truth. There is so much noise and so much rhetoric that one can no longer hear oneself think or even feel. Much less to engage in a dialogue in which one grapples with the challenges we face at all levels and on all fronts. Things have changed, and  we need a new way of engaging in the world and supporting that change while simultaneously caring for the self and for the best interest of the heart. It is time to live in radical justice and in fact justice for all.

It is important to give voice to issues that face us and crush so many. It is even more important to live in the light of support for all of those that need it. Even more so. Just repeating the lip service is not enough. We all know the catch phrases and the buzz words can certainly mask so many a things, specifically the ego and the narcissism behind the facade of love and support. Be mindful that love sometimes is shared in the act of love and not behind the veneer of words.

We are conditioned to perceive love and support in ways that are not necessarily honest or real. So many times we have been expressly told whom we can and can’t love. And this more out of fear rooted in hate and ignorance. And remember, people of all walks love in very different ways. Let them, as opposed to forcing your view on the way in which you think love should be shared. When I realized the depth of my fathers love, I finally realized I had to see him and his love for the only way he knew how to show his love for me. Then, and only then, was I able to release the need that he love me the way I wanted but that he could not.

The same is true in all of our lives. The loudest person in the room yelling at you and expressing that they love you and would do anything for you, might just be the facade they need to help them feel that they in fact are loved and so desperately need your acknowledgment simply because they are blinded by the strangling of themselves. Might love be expressed in all kinds of ways? Might love even be expressed more through the quietude of the moment that two people share a space? Might we experience this love and this truth by simply being and sharing?

I feel compelled to no longer speak the language of love but rather to live love in the quietest ways that work in the ways in which my heart speaks. The truth of the radical heart might not be the loudest, but perhaps the one that surrounds you in a blanket of belief.

Thirty Day’s of Thoughts: Day Fourteen

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ageing, changes, Existence, faith, health, inspiration, learning, lessons learned, life, me, observations, space, thoughts

The Boy Within

 

This morning I leaned in and asked myself who this salt and pepper faced man was in place of me at my bathroom sink. I stared into his eyes as a razor peeled back the faint hint of myself. It is me who stands in this mans body. It is I, the boy within. When did I become this man I do not recognize as self? Who’s body is this that I cannot feel as my own? When did the feelings of a boy become the body of a man?

 

It is a funny feeling to recognize oneself and yet not feel as if you are the person that stands in front of your reflection. Time has passed and yet it has not changed the youthful and inquisitive spirit within. I don’t feel as if I am any different on the inside than I did when I was young man embarking on a life of physical kinetic bliss. I still believe I am capable of so much physical articulation and authenticity. And yet, time has been speaking to my body and I have not been paying attention.

 

Am I naïve to think this boy within is telling me the truth or should I listen to the shell of myself and fall to the prescribed image and generally accepted truth that ageing is unkind? Should I listen to my heart that speaks of laughter, joy and love and the willingness to be open to love or should I accept that I will be alone and loveless simply because of the face staring back at me seems to be weary with time?

 

Do I lie to myself that I am beginning once again and that to be in this space of renewal is a part of a positive outlook on life or should I swallow the truth of the world that encourages me to grow old gracefully? Does this mean I acquiesce to the idea of aging? Has my spiritual belief system clouded my reality with the idea of living energetically well ignoring the fact that time still passes and ravages the physical?

 

I pulled myself away from the mirror to continue to get ready for the day ahead. A day full of movement guided by a consciousness that only I can know of myself. What I see on the inside is a body open and willing to do what I request. What I see on the outside is not the external representation of that thought.

 

And so I go forward to begin again; to become again. I am a beginners mind in a experienced body. And if I listen more keenly, might I understand more readily the needs of this physical self. May I reintroduce myself, this boy within, to the man that carries him around.

Thirty Day’s of Thoughts: Day 10

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changes, compassion, faith, family, gender, learning, lessons learned, life, love, Love Between Men, love for all, me, norms, observations, sexuality, Trans, truth

I find it difficult to understand people that fear the differences in others. I truly do. I am not sure why I didn’t get that gene that allows us to hate one another simply because there might be differences or that I should fear others simply because I don’t understand or see them for who they are.

In light of all of the trans-phobia that seems to be being stirred I find this especially difficult as it is wasted energy on something that has little to no significance in anyones life except for the pain inflicted on those who identify as trans or gender fluid. What does it matter how one identifies oneself or has come to understand the peace they feel when the find a safe place and an identity that works for them? It doesn’t matter to your life one bit. Not one single bit.

When I reflect on my life and who it is I am, I am continually reminded of how much I had to hide my identity so to avoid the hatred and negativity. Ironically, I didn’t have to hide it all that much as I suspect many others around me clearly knew that there was something a little different. I mean how many young men ride the bus with their football team and are able to engage them in a victory sing along? Yes, that did happen. And yes, the young men, in their boisterous song made me strong.

What really stands out to me is a moment when I was named a female label by my nephew. Yes, my nephew somehow was confused by what he should call me or what was expected. Although I am not so sure he was confused at all. This child was clear about one thing, this relative was not like the others. What was interesting is that he insisted on calling me Auntie Scott. A female title followed by a male name.

Mind you, he would do this without batting an eye. It was as if this was as normal as Uncle Lee who was my brother. And yet, something was different. And it was. He was right. There was something not only different from a labeling standpoint of me being gay, but something energetically different and understandable to him and how he related to me. I was all things to him. Not all of this, and not all of that. I was in between.

Ironically, this never once bothered me. It bothered my sister a bit, but not too terribly much. I think she wanted to do her best to correct him, which she did, but something about it, something within him would not let it go. And so, it stuck. For some time I was Auntie Scott until he made the decision to follow the societal path and recognize gender as static or linear.

So life went on. Nothing harmed. I was fine. He was fine. We all were fine. And love still surrounded us all regardless.

These days I find myself using all kinds of varied pronouns and gender descriptions. One of my dearest friends and I call one another Sista or Gurl. He even refers to me to his dogs as Auntie. Seems as though there is something significant about that title that will stick with me a life time. And as it should. Perhaps I am an Auntie to those that need me to be such. Perhaps I am an uncle to others. None the less, I am still me.

I am a gay male who identifies himself as someone who lives in the in between. I live in a space of love and can love anyone I choose. I have relationships with men who inspire and energetically add to my well being. I express my love physically in ways that matter only to us. It is a private matter of love and affection shown in ways that satisfy the physical manifestation of love and light. It matters nothing to you. Just as yours matters not to me.

I suffer not because of who you are. In actuality I benefit greatly as the more others are able to find peace with themselves and how they see themselves in this world, the more peace there is. And the more peace there is, the more love. And if you need someone to see you as you, you have a safe place with me. There are safe places in this world so seek them out. Seek those people out who will love you and see you as who you are. Surround yourself with the kind of people who show the love and light of this universe. There you will find peace and there you will learn to love yourself for all that you are. Perfect!

Thirty Day’s of Thoughts: Day Nine

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changes, faith, health, humanity, inspiration, learning, lessons learned, life, me, observations, sharing, society, space, thoughts, truth

There are moments when you observe the overwhelming convergence of goodness in your life confirming your hearts desire. Time and again we are being encouraged to keep going and to keep moving forward on the path of light we have chosen. If we are not careful to listen, we may miss these omens and grow discouraged about how the journey is proceeding. Listen more carefully to what the universe whispers and you will be reminded of where you are and what is next.

What is really amazing about all of this is that in so many of our conversations with people, friends or simply just acquaintances, you will recognize the truths that are hidden in plain sight. You will also recognize images and moments that insight is being dropped in your lap. There is confirmation that you are on the right track all the time. Lifting our head out of our phones and into others eyes will be a first step. Opening our ears to the quieter moments and the silences in between will also find us many a clue.

And if you are finding yourself in troubled times at present, there are whispers for you too. The question is, are you willing to do what is being asked of you? Are you willing to take the action necessary to turn your ship around? Are you willing to be patient enough to let the solution come to you in ways that will right the sails of your life? Correcting and recalibrating are also part of the many gifts being sent our ways on a daily basis. Being present enough to listen is the key once again.

It is much like the training of dance. How does one listen to the body to know truly where it is in space and if in fact we are in true alignment with ourselves and not just being held hostage by the perception of the body in conditioned space. Yes, we have been conditioned by so many factors outside of ourselves to blind us to who it is we are and what this physical gift is actually trying to accomplish. Becoming acquainted with your true physicality with a keen consciousness, you will find the shift and change of both the physical and emotional self with far less energy output and more energetic recycling.

And this of course is the truth with all physical practices and modalities. Find yourself in the true nature of your being letting yourself feel who you are, and you will experience great joy and fulfillment. Being present to be able to listen to the lost language of space. So much information about the secrets of the world live inside the silence of space.

Thirty Day’s of Thoughts: Day Eight

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art, changes, faith, health, Home, humanity, inspiration, learning, lessons learned, life, me, observations, space, training, travel, truth, work, Writing

On this day I pause to absorb the incredible light that is this life, my life. I am so full of gratitude for so much goodness that it is truly hard to compose the joy. I smile as I sit here and write this as I am once again reminded that I have been given the gift of a voice to use it to express myself in so many different ways. I have been give the gift of expression through movement, song and word. For this I am grateful and for this I shall sing.

As I woke today I was kissed on the cheek by Bradford as he so lovingly assures me that it is in fact to get up and there is no more time left for this sleeping thing. The time is now to start paying attention to his wishes and needs along with his brother. I mean it is morning and it is time for a romp in the yard and that thing they love called breakfast. What is really beautiful is that he will wait patiently after the first little kiss and stare at me until I stir. Gentle breathing with his head rested on my arm.

And so I enter my day, this day of celebration through the act of gratitude. It is my goal to pay attention to all of the beautiful moments this day brings. Paying attention to the beautiful energy and soul of my home and my sanctuary that continually folds me into itself and revitalizes my spirit. The energy of a home should be that of a sacred space that recharges ones spirit by letting them feel safe as they are surrounded by both energetic and physical blessings.

I have no plans to do anything special except be extra grateful for this life. I celebrate all that is my present, honor all that is my past and open my heart to all that is to be. I open myself to what is to come and know without a doubt there is magic in store. So much more than I can plan or scheme. I open my spirit and welcome the energies of the vast infinite universe to move whatever it is I need into my path. When this happens, it will be as natural as breath itself.

I once again was reminded of this yesterday when I was out looking for a new work to add to my collection and to my walls. I have been wanting a David Cressman for some time now as his paintings really speak to me. I cam across them a while ago and have been keeping an eye out for them and an opportunity to become a keeper of his art. I went through and found a Holly Markoff that complimented a work of hers I have and was about to walk out the door when something told me to walk to a corner of the gallery that I have not been to before. As I turned I could feel the calling of the beautiful work on that wall.

Not only was I standing in front of a wall of David Cressman, but my eye immediately was drawn to a work which consisted of a beautiful landscape with none other than the Eiffel Tower and the wonderful bridges of the Seine. The light in this work is glorious. As a matter of fact the piece is titled Golden Light of Paris. How perfect. And so, without question, the time was now to fold this new work into my sacred abode and add it to the ever expanding collection of incredible work. It was time.

And so I sit here writing as it hangs just over my left shoulder on a wall of work that brings my heart joy. Many of the works are from and/or are about the places that steel my heart. Paris, Tuscany and Santa Fe. There are also landscapes that honor Virginia and all of its beauty. The paintings remind me of the beauty that surrounds me at home to anchor me while I have the privilege of experiencing the magic of the city of light and the birthplace of the renaissance. Light speaks to me. Light speaks to my heart.

I am grateful I am able to listen. I am thankful that I have been able to create the space to listen. At first I was overwhelmed by what I could hear and see, but learned how to quiet the added noise that often times surrounds the song and focus in on listening to what was being shared. So much is given to us about the magic of this world and universe. So much truth is before our eyes on a daily basis and I am just thankful that I have opened my heart to tune into those truths and find peace in doing so.

When I look at my students, their bodies speak to me. Their truths of who they are and the desires for where they want to be whisper clearly. Their bodies reach out and ask for health and wellness. Their spirits are open. Even if they do not know they speak this, their spirits are speaking loud and clear. And for this, I have to listen. I am so thankful I am able to listen. I am so honored to be in this place of healing and well being.

You know I don’t really consider myself a teacher. I do not consider myself a choreographer. I don’t consider myself an artist either. I long ago claimed what I am and have been doing my work from that space for some time now. When I realized that what I was was different than what I was hoping to be, I was able to admit to myself that my spirit is actually a healer. From the moment of that acceptance of fate, I let go of needing to be good at what I do or respected for what I made. I stepped into myself and began to listen to bodies and how they wanted to live and live in the space.

I sing dances into being by listening to the voices of the bodies in front of me. I carve space with illuminating bodies in which vibrant with the soul of the work. When all forms are tuned to the essence of the work, I know the work is satisfied and it can be itself in this world. The same is true when the body vibrates openly so that the pathways are aligned and open to carry the body to well being to be able to physicalize work. There are layers to the making and creating of bodies and bodies of light in space. It all starts with the healing of these bodies through the reeducation of the physical self to align with the spiritual self.

And for this I am grateful. I am grateful I can celebrate knowing who I am. Thankful that I have accepted my deepest self and that I have not run away from myself out of fear. How glorious it is to walk the stillness of knowing oneself and celebrating with humility that this life has been a beautiful choice of grace and light. I celebrate the very essence of who I am and recognize, as well as honor, this amazingly beautiful life I have been graciously allowed to live.

And so I walk into my 48th year knowing that with an open heart magic will reveal itself to me always. There will be light laid beneath my feet so I will know where to step. The will be instructions given if I continue to listen. There will be blessings beyond imagining simply by being. May I continue to be as I circle the sun once again.

Thirty Day’s of Thoughts: Day Six

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faith, humanity, inspiration, learning, lessons learned, life, me, observations, society, society and culture, thoughts, truth

I am continually reminded, one lesson after another, that my life is really about choice. This is no secret nor is it new. Not even new to me. Yet, I am being profoundly reminded again and again, and perhaps more profoundly every day through a conscious focus on gratitude. This shift towards ownership changes so much about our hearts as well as the way in which we are able to see others.

Mind you, I share this from a place of openness. I fully realize there are many situations that are presented to people on a regular basis and that many opportunities are not available for people simply because of a society that does not actual live the life of equality and justice for all. And this in itself is heartbreaking. Because I do know that often times choice isn’t even an option and to expect people to “make choices” or “make better choices” reinforces the us and them, better than and supremest sensibilities. If in fact we were all equal, we could all afford to make the kinds of choices that were in everyones personal and societal best interests.

What I am sharing though is the moment one realizes that they are fortunate to be able to make choices. This realization reinforces the need for me to make the better choices on how I treat others or how I might be of help or service to others or the cause of equality and justice. It is necessary that I must do things to see people, understand people and to do the best that I can do in order to support people in the ways of their heart and in the light of love.

These choices are not only helping others, but in the end, they are benefitting me in ways that one can’t even begin to comprehend. Many people speak of this as karma, I think of it as humanities greatest gift. The universe rewards those who give love with love. The universe rewards light with light. The universe returns more than in kind, it returns in abundance. It is emotional and spiritual tithing that is a real thing just as it is in financial terms. When you give of the heart, either tangible or intangible, you always receive far more than you can imagine in all kinds of magical ways.

I am grateful for this life. I am grateful for my work. I am grateful for my health and well being and more importantly, I am grateful for being able to be at peace with myself and the life I am living: Consciously opening the soul to allow the light of the universe and the love of fellow beings flow through me.

I choose this. I choose peace. I choose love. I choose goodness. I choose light. I choose my perspective. I choose responsibility. I choose accountability. I choose to accept myself and my work along with my words as being important and that they matter. I choose that you matter. I choose this amazing life.

Thirty Day’s of Thoughts: Day Four

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animals, art, changes, dogs, Home, inspiration, learning, lessons learned, life, me, space, truth, work

The quiet of a Sunday morning is one of the most grounding and calming times of the week. Waking to the gentle and patient kisses of Bradford while the rest of the world is still sleeping is such a moment of clarity. He wakes me not to go out, but to be cuddled and to be rubbed. He gets as close as he can without getting inside my skin so he can role over and give his belly to me. He loves this time. Perhaps one of his favorite also.

Baxter on the other hand climbs up and stands on my chest only to lay down on it releasing all of his weight upon me. He prefers to stare into my eyes until my free hand can rub underneath his chin. He has never been a huge cuddler, but when he does, he pours all of his weight into you.

So from this waking bliss we move through the ritual of letting out, feeding and preparing for some after breakfast outside time. Baxter in particular likes his time outside. He loves nothing more than to sit and watch life, and the occasional cat, pass bay. He lifts his head ever so gently to smell the neighborhood. He will sit for long periods of time just taking in the day.

Bradford on the other hand likes to sit next to me as I move through my own rituals of the AM. He is patient to allow me to go through my motions and process my day. He sits quietly right at my feet as I write and sip that wonderful morning coffee. He also likes to cuddle as close as he can when we move into our cycle of reading.

After a while though, it becomes very clear that Baxter is ready to explore the neighborhood and the city. He loves a good walk and gets terribly excited when he is asked if it is time. I am convinced he understands english and if he could talk, he would speak it as well. I am also convinced he can spell. But that is for another time.

And so the morning takes us out into the quiet of a Sunday. It tends to be much more calm outside on a Sunday. Streets are clear, not a person in sight and the parks open for the free running of the hounds. They love getting off leash to run as fast as they can to smell all they can before having to start the journey back. If it is a warmer day, we do the long walk along the park trails and the flood wall. This is what they really love.

When the weather turns much warmer and the river water catches up, there will be an element of swimming involved as well. Baxter could stay in the water all day if allowed. Bradford likes to wade, but Baxter loves to go on long swims to fetch whatever is thrown. He won’t fetch on land, but in the water, he would go for hours.

And after all of this, we return home to the quiet of our sanctuary. They pass out and I dive more deeply into the dreams of my books or the manifesting of my work. So much work is done in these few waking hours on a Sunday that I hold them sacred. I hold them dear. They are the moments in the week that rejuvenate and inspire for the week to come. If it weren’t for these rituals shared with these two boys, I would not have the peace that I do.