Only Magical thinking lives within our thoughts
Imagining the sounds, I am able to vision a different ending
My mind consciousness like smoke
My ritual is love and attention
Memorizing finally forgotten
I could love again
Only Magical thinking lives within our thoughts
Imagining the sounds, I am able to vision a different ending
My mind consciousness like smoke
My ritual is love and attention
Memorizing finally forgotten
I could love again
changes, courageous heart, Courageous Vulnerability, development, Existence, fear, friends, humanity, inspiration, learning, lessons learned, life, light, love, sharing, society, thoughts, truth, Vulnerable, vulnerablitiy, Writing
There is light within us all. Regardless of where we come from, what we believe, who we are or what we have done; light resides in each and every one of us and animates our souls. Sometimes this is hard to feel and to know as so many are struggling with so much and simply moving through the day is often a huge weight to bear. And yet, I assure you there is light within. After all you are the light of the universe and that light is in the very essence of your DNA.
So how does one journey to reveal the light within? How is it that we can find a way to peel away the institution of crippling fear? There is no simple answer nor direct path, but there is a place to start. That starting point is learning to claim your light by recognizing that vulnerability is your greatest asset as well as the seed of what makes you uniquely you and gives authenticity to your voice as a beautiful light filled human being with something to offer this world.
Yes, vulnerability is the place where you must live to stand in the face of your fear. Standing on the legs of a courageous heart takes work and it takes pride. Be proud of what you are even if it is not the same as the people around you or like any other person you know. Be proud to state your name, your love, your vision and your truth. Be mindful not to hide away what you deem to be unworthy or not good enough. Doing so will hold you back from what your soulful desires actually are.
As a child I lived in a place of vulnerability and truth but allowed the world around me swallow that innocence and love. Scolded and shamed into no longer trusting the instincts and visions, a young boy became a young man who hid away what others did not understand or even know possible. Hiding the abilities that have been so graciously given strangles the very nature of our true being. And if we are not living in our most honest and vulnerable selves, we are no longer living because we no longer live in the presence of unconditional love. We no longer reside in the place of self love that is necessary for every single relationship we encounter be it romantic and otherwise.
So now I stand in courageous vulnerability to face the fears that have overcome the child within and the wisdom of the heart. Fear is no longer welcome when light shines on its darkness. When light shines it creates shadow. On the other side of shadow is a place for fear for we need to know it is there at all times but our awareness of it is partly what powers and empowers us to stand and face it. Peeling back the layers of a closed heart will release the light that lives in the spirit of the heart. We can stand firmly in the face of fear when we realize there is no greater place to live our lives than to be standing in the face of courageous vulnerability.
And as I challenge you, I challenge myself. As I turn to face my own fears I encourage you to do the same. Yet, do it in the ways that make sense to you and in the ways that feel right for you. We all own our own fears and therefor need to face and embrace them in the ways that work for us. Welcome tiny steps to build the kind of momentum that will transform your being. After all, momentum favors the willing. Be willing and therefor you will be. Be and you shall become.
Reveal the light that you are.
The entire light.
There comes a time when we recognize the moment in which our life turns a corner. That realization to face the change with courage, dignity and humility is a quintessential pivot in our consciousness as well as in our well-being. This is a defining moment and one that will transform us and our lives completely.
Often times we are unable to recognize these miraculous moments due to the cacophony of noise that surrounds our everyday existence not to mention the noise residing in our own mind. When we are immersed in such noise we know we have succumbed to the betrayal of our authentic selves and have fallen into the falsehood of intellect rather than the intelligence of the heart.
One way to unravel this strangle hold is to immerse oneself into the reorganization of the physical body through conscious training by cultivating an intimate relationship in which the body is the tool to reestablish our relationship to ourselves. This is crucial to being able to create both the physical and emotional space for realigning the vibrations of a healthy being.
There are so many ways to go about this awakening. So many movement modalities and practices that one can connect with to foster a healthy relationship with mind/body. Whatever the practice you choose, give it time. Patience is a required element in the equation for peace and physical and spiritual well-being. Allowing yourself to explore time in an unconventional way so as to suspend habitual or conditional thinking will nurture a new physical paradigm.
Just as it takes time to train the ears to hear, the eyes to see and the heart to speak; so too is it necessary to give space to time to press open a moment allowing the body to unravel itself through its own weight and its own wisdom. Give yourself to the magnitude of your being so as to recognize the moment when the universe opens the door to the greatest road map for success, prosperity and spiritual bliss.
Listen, can you hear it?
Wait, can you feel it?
Quiet, its subtlety is sublime.
Listen, its faint vibration a fathomless expanse of wonder.
Wait, its opportunity an incomprehensible bliss.
Quiet, its meeting you long before you are even aware you beckoned it.
Listen and wait quietly for what is to be your second journey into the first time you allowed yourself to be.
Listen and wait quietly to unleash the wild wonderment of the fathomless you.
I feel compelled to no longer speak the truth but rather to live the truth. There is so much noise and so much rhetoric that one can no longer hear oneself think or even feel. Much less to engage in a dialogue in which one grapples with the challenges we face at all levels and on all fronts. Things have changed, and we need a new way of engaging in the world and supporting that change while simultaneously caring for the self and for the best interest of the heart. It is time to live in radical justice and in fact justice for all.
It is important to give voice to issues that face us and crush so many. It is even more important to live in the light of support for all of those that need it. Even more so. Just repeating the lip service is not enough. We all know the catch phrases and the buzz words can certainly mask so many a things, specifically the ego and the narcissism behind the facade of love and support. Be mindful that love sometimes is shared in the act of love and not behind the veneer of words.
We are conditioned to perceive love and support in ways that are not necessarily honest or real. So many times we have been expressly told whom we can and can’t love. And this more out of fear rooted in hate and ignorance. And remember, people of all walks love in very different ways. Let them, as opposed to forcing your view on the way in which you think love should be shared. When I realized the depth of my fathers love, I finally realized I had to see him and his love for the only way he knew how to show his love for me. Then, and only then, was I able to release the need that he love me the way I wanted but that he could not.
The same is true in all of our lives. The loudest person in the room yelling at you and expressing that they love you and would do anything for you, might just be the facade they need to help them feel that they in fact are loved and so desperately need your acknowledgment simply because they are blinded by the strangling of themselves. Might love be expressed in all kinds of ways? Might love even be expressed more through the quietude of the moment that two people share a space? Might we experience this love and this truth by simply being and sharing?
I feel compelled to no longer speak the language of love but rather to live love in the quietest ways that work in the ways in which my heart speaks. The truth of the radical heart might not be the loudest, but perhaps the one that surrounds you in a blanket of belief.
In my movement meditations I often return to the grateful mind space and acknowledge that I am so very fortunate to be here in this space and at this time. There have been countless times when life should have been taken from me save some miraculous cradling of the universe itself. Too many unexplainable events which should have erased me from this moment. And in those brief seconds of recollection, I am reminded to once again be grateful.
And so it is with this sensibility that I find myself in connection and concert with others bodies and their hearts. I have not chosen the path of the empath, but I certainly have learned how to embrace it as best I can. And still, I have much learning on how to be even better with these skills I have been given. With such skill comes a responsibility that known really knows how to prepare for.
I do what I do not for the same reasons others do this profession. Dance is not my life nor is the teaching of dance my life. Yes, I do make dances and I do shape dancers, but there is something far more profound that I take part in that often gets lost in the overall ego consuming work of this field. That work is the transformation of body and spirit through the bridge building of conscious sensation. One can never go back once one understands the power of synesthesia.
This moment of connected consciousness and the empowerment that happens for those individuals that understand the undeniable energy available to them is unquestionably the moment I live for. The moment of physical embodiment and enlightenment of the pure power of potential one possesses. It is this moment that transforms the spirit as it unravels the many untruths it has learned through fear and shame.
I picked up my phone last night to find a text from a very dear student of mine whom I have a very special place in my heart. He has become a truly amazing individual both as a human being as well as an artist thriving in the world. When I read his text I had to catch my breath for a moment and remember to be forever grateful for this incredible life I have been gifted.
Perhaps I was especially moved due to attending graduation this weekend as well. I looked at the faces of some of the most talented individuals one could know and marveled at their strength and their courage to set out in the world to follow their bliss. There they are at the precipice of forever and boldly moving forward to say “yes, I can do this!”. And boy, can they.
I am so proud of the students who go through our program. I am so lucky to be a part of their journey as well as to do so with the colleagues that I have. We work as a team to encourage and foster their skills and abilities as no one person can do such thing alone. Another remarkable opportunity to engage with colleagues that continue to teach me as well.
When I look through my feed on Facebook and see the tremendous achievements our students have I am astounded by the incredible changes they are making in the world and how much light and love they are bringing through the paths they have decided to take. Their success is not always in dance but in the work they choose to do that they come to through dance. Some of the successes are profound and are having an an amazing ripple effect in this world. There they are standing in the face of these turbulent times and they are solid, steadfast and brilliantly shining a light in the dark. I so marvel at their bravery and their hearts. Yes, all of their hearts.
This always reminds me that regardless of what somebody ends up doing or decides to do, the following of their hearts is the only success that truly matters. And I honestly believe that a degree in dance helps you to realize your bliss because not only does it train you to be able to do incredible things with your body, it fosters resiliency of the heart in addition to having the super power of creatively seeing the world to solve its problems. Yes, these dancing students are not civilians, they are super hero’s making their way in the world and a better place for all of us in it.
So when a text comes to saying they are thinking of me and that they love me, I am reminded to keep on loving. Even in the times when I am exhausted from fighting to share what it is I know or wondering if the information I have is relevant, I need to tell myself to hush up. Those issues are my insecurities. The love of what I do is worth the fight. The love learned through the art form is worth the fight. And yes, I am continually evolving so the work is more relevant than ever. So hush up. Look at all these brilliant students standing in the light and waving the sword of brilliance. If they can do it, the least you can do is reflect them and honor them and do it to. Be as good as you can so that perhaps they might be as proud of you as you are them.
The Boy Within
This morning I leaned in and asked myself who this salt and pepper faced man was in place of me at my bathroom sink. I stared into his eyes as a razor peeled back the faint hint of myself. It is me who stands in this mans body. It is I, the boy within. When did I become this man I do not recognize as self? Who’s body is this that I cannot feel as my own? When did the feelings of a boy become the body of a man?
It is a funny feeling to recognize oneself and yet not feel as if you are the person that stands in front of your reflection. Time has passed and yet it has not changed the youthful and inquisitive spirit within. I don’t feel as if I am any different on the inside than I did when I was young man embarking on a life of physical kinetic bliss. I still believe I am capable of so much physical articulation and authenticity. And yet, time has been speaking to my body and I have not been paying attention.
Am I naïve to think this boy within is telling me the truth or should I listen to the shell of myself and fall to the prescribed image and generally accepted truth that ageing is unkind? Should I listen to my heart that speaks of laughter, joy and love and the willingness to be open to love or should I accept that I will be alone and loveless simply because of the face staring back at me seems to be weary with time?
Do I lie to myself that I am beginning once again and that to be in this space of renewal is a part of a positive outlook on life or should I swallow the truth of the world that encourages me to grow old gracefully? Does this mean I acquiesce to the idea of aging? Has my spiritual belief system clouded my reality with the idea of living energetically well ignoring the fact that time still passes and ravages the physical?
I pulled myself away from the mirror to continue to get ready for the day ahead. A day full of movement guided by a consciousness that only I can know of myself. What I see on the inside is a body open and willing to do what I request. What I see on the outside is not the external representation of that thought.
And so I go forward to begin again; to become again. I am a beginners mind in a experienced body. And if I listen more keenly, might I understand more readily the needs of this physical self. May I reintroduce myself, this boy within, to the man that carries him around.
There will always be dogs. For me anyway. This past week with my two boys, Baxter and Bradford, have simply been divine. I have been on spring break and had my first stay-cation for this break for the first time in 16 years and I loved it. Much of that due to being with my boys. What they do for me, what dogs do for us, is simply incredible. And for that, I am grateful. Because of them, I can safely say, there will always be dogs in my life.
Even as I write, my boys are on the couch with me hanging out to be as close as possible. We find ourselves here in this little “cocoon” often as it seems the easiest place to come together and relax with one another while we do our things. More so when I am doing all sorts of writing, reading or watching a movie. It is our sacred space where we find ourselves in our “spots” in which somehow helps reaffirm our place in our pack and establishes a calm for us all. Here we let go and reconnect with ourselves and with one another.
I have recently shifted things in my life and I have begun to challenge myself and being a better Pop Pop for my boys. I had gotten so busy and tangled I found myself only letting them out to hang out or do their business. For some time now I have committed to walking them much more. At least two times a day and on the good days, three. I have also tried to take them on an adventure day where we drive to a place they don’t get to go on a regular basis but stimulates them in so many ways. Baxter LOVES the water and if there is the chance to find some place where he can sneak his feet, we do. And of course his shadow Bradford follows as he can’t stand to be left out.
I have found this decision to focus on being a better dad has made a profound shift in their energies as well as their need to be closer. I have found them to be so much calmer in the house as well as with others. They were terrific during my wine tasting birthday party with the house full of people. I think that in itself was a little overwhelming honestly but for the most part, they were a delight. Well behaved and super affectionate with all the guests. I think they were happy when everyone left their cave and they could have me back to themselves. They slept well that night. We all slept well.
These changes and these commitments have had a significant impact on me as well. I am out in the world more walking and taking in the neighborhood and nature on our adventures. I am reminded how much being out with them recharges me and allows me time and space to think, feel and open up my heart to the creative process. Yes, so many ideas have come to the forefront of my thinking because of spending more time with my boys. You might even say they are a part of the creative team that allows for all of the things I am able to do and discover. They assist in creating a safe space to be creatively vulnerable and quiet myself to listen to what the universe is whispering. They are my tuning forks allowing me to hear what is being shared.
My life is because of my boys. My life is because of the dogs in my life. Before these two, there were two others, Basil and Anise. They were from a different life in a different state and a different state of being. They were the first that made me realize I had purposefully chosen a life with dogs over a life that allowed ultimate freedom to do and to become. In choosing them, I had to choose a life that would creatively create a space for myself and my children in a way that most performers lives do not allow. I would always have to think of them as I had opportunities to accept or reject. There were many opportunities lost, but the choices made, made me. And for this I am grateful to them and grateful for them.
When they passed they took with them my love and my respect. They took over a decade of growth and development as well as the heart ache that the growth created. Oddly, the released what held me to a past and took with them much anger and so much fear. It’s as if they carried my sorrow so that I could be free to once again reach within to open up for more; more of me, more of life, more opportunity and more dreams. There love still lives inside of me because they took away the noise of the past. And because of that love, they allowed me to love again.
Now I am blessed with two beautiful boys who do for me what Basil and Anise had done. These boys remind me on a daily basis to reach down and connect. The remind me to stop and to listen. They remind me to look within so that I might see what is right in front of me. The remind me to live and they remind me to love. Even greater than that, they remind me to be patient with myself and with others because of their infinite forgiveness and unconditional love.
More than ever, as busy as I am and as full as my life is with so much creative abundance and incredible prosperity, they bring me back to the essentials of being human. They already know the things that matter for us. They have mastered the art of being and are here at our side to help us find it as well. And for this I am grateful and humbled by their love. And this is why, for me, there will always be dogs.
I didn’t know those words meant so much. I had no idea the actions made touched so deeply. I was unaware that the energy that I carried spoke to you. I am grateful my presence in your life in some way has made an impact. It was never my intention to be anything or do anything other than what was right. To treat others with respect and dignity was what I thought we did for one another. I didn’t realize its significance.
As funny as social media is, as difficult and divisive as it has become, I still see the light within. I have been reminded of late by those from my world both present and past about what things have stood out about our interactions and our friendships. I am often surprised by the memories they carry or how much things meant to them. Surprised because for me, I just thought it was natural or just the way it should be.
When I am reminded of such wonderful memories, I am touched so deeply. I often wonder about decisions I have made and choices that have shaped my life. I ponder about the path I have chosen and the course of the waters that have carried me into this amazing life. I don’t question the direction but rather, why me? Why is it I see as I do? Why is it I feel so much? Why am I moved to tears of empathy when I should be stronger? Why am I able to do what others do not know is even possible?
When others share with me their memories of us, I am humbled again and again. I am reminded to keep on doing what I am doing without question and without fear. There is something at work here and it needs a vessel to do its work. There is something that needs to be shared and it needs a platform. Be that platform be making dances, making dancers, writing pages, singing a song or healing the body and the heart, it needs to be expressed.
And so I will. And so I do. And so I am grateful that our paths have crossed in some way that has brought you light. May our paths cross again so we can share that light once again in a smile or an embrace that expresses the gratitude we share. I didn’t know my experiences mattered, but I hope to keep on making what little difference I can.
Ever Grateful for YOU!