I find it difficult to understand people that fear the differences in others. I truly do. I am not sure why I didn’t get that gene that allows us to hate one another simply because there might be differences or that I should fear others simply because I don’t understand or see them for who they are.
In light of all of the trans-phobia that seems to be being stirred I find this especially difficult as it is wasted energy on something that has little to no significance in anyones life except for the pain inflicted on those who identify as trans or gender fluid. What does it matter how one identifies oneself or has come to understand the peace they feel when the find a safe place and an identity that works for them? It doesn’t matter to your life one bit. Not one single bit.
When I reflect on my life and who it is I am, I am continually reminded of how much I had to hide my identity so to avoid the hatred and negativity. Ironically, I didn’t have to hide it all that much as I suspect many others around me clearly knew that there was something a little different. I mean how many young men ride the bus with their football team and are able to engage them in a victory sing along? Yes, that did happen. And yes, the young men, in their boisterous song made me strong.
What really stands out to me is a moment when I was named a female label by my nephew. Yes, my nephew somehow was confused by what he should call me or what was expected. Although I am not so sure he was confused at all. This child was clear about one thing, this relative was not like the others. What was interesting is that he insisted on calling me Auntie Scott. A female title followed by a male name.
Mind you, he would do this without batting an eye. It was as if this was as normal as Uncle Lee who was my brother. And yet, something was different. And it was. He was right. There was something not only different from a labeling standpoint of me being gay, but something energetically different and understandable to him and how he related to me. I was all things to him. Not all of this, and not all of that. I was in between.
Ironically, this never once bothered me. It bothered my sister a bit, but not too terribly much. I think she wanted to do her best to correct him, which she did, but something about it, something within him would not let it go. And so, it stuck. For some time I was Auntie Scott until he made the decision to follow the societal path and recognize gender as static or linear.
So life went on. Nothing harmed. I was fine. He was fine. We all were fine. And love still surrounded us all regardless.
These days I find myself using all kinds of varied pronouns and gender descriptions. One of my dearest friends and I call one another Sista or Gurl. He even refers to me to his dogs as Auntie. Seems as though there is something significant about that title that will stick with me a life time. And as it should. Perhaps I am an Auntie to those that need me to be such. Perhaps I am an uncle to others. None the less, I am still me.
I am a gay male who identifies himself as someone who lives in the in between. I live in a space of love and can love anyone I choose. I have relationships with men who inspire and energetically add to my well being. I express my love physically in ways that matter only to us. It is a private matter of love and affection shown in ways that satisfy the physical manifestation of love and light. It matters nothing to you. Just as yours matters not to me.
I suffer not because of who you are. In actuality I benefit greatly as the more others are able to find peace with themselves and how they see themselves in this world, the more peace there is. And the more peace there is, the more love. And if you need someone to see you as you, you have a safe place with me. There are safe places in this world so seek them out. Seek those people out who will love you and see you as who you are. Surround yourself with the kind of people who show the love and light of this universe. There you will find peace and there you will learn to love yourself for all that you are. Perfect!
Architecture of the Heart 