A Return to the Realignment of the Creative Process

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Conscious Living, courage, Courageous Vulnerability, Creativity, Dance, dance maker, dance makers, dance making, dancers, LGBTQIA+, queer, queer champion, queer creativity, Queer spirit, Soul to Soul, spirit

The journey of a creative spirit is unique to each individual who embraces their true nature and walks the path that is congruent with their hearts and their essence. Every person is creative and is a part of the overall creative energy that is life itself. To the degree we embrace the creative elements of our being is up to us and the choices we make to live our lives in line with our authentic selves. 

I knew from a young age I was creative but had no idea what that meant or that one could even live a life as a creative being. Growing up in a traditional and conservative home where creativity was not a part of our everyday lives, one never realizes that living in that way that is congruent is even possible. It is much like growing up in a home that is heteronormative and not seeing that there are people out there that think and feel the way you do. When the world is created for a particular group of people or an idealized ideology that excludes anything “different”, one never realizes that who they really are can be a beautiful way of being; truly being oneself. 

I went through a childhood of posing. I played all kinds of sports from baseball to basketball from football to wrestling and even gymnastics. I was not very good at any of them although I did have the most success in wrestling and gymnastics. The clear thing looking back on all of that was the throughline of movement. I was a mover and excellent when I was physically in my body and in a constant state of flow regardless of the quality or energy of that movement. 

I had always secretly wanted to sing and act while I was doing all of this posing. When I finally got to high school I met others who wanted similar things and realized there is a whole world out there who wanted similar things as me. I began exploring the idea of acting when taking theatre classes and getting involved in plays and eventually musicals. This was a shift towards that alignment with creativity and felt incredibly freeing. Was it possible to do something you really loved and it all be ok? 

And so began the journey of uncovering the creative spirit. I had the opportunity to be able to be in many different shows throughout the remainder of my high school experience and beyond. I followed the path of voice lessons, auditions and professional engagements. The career began to grow and the circles of opportunity kept expanding. Even so, there always seemed to be something missing that was not quite fulfilled. Until I realized how much dance was necessary for the next level of success. 

Once I had this realization I found myself drawn into the creative process of physical and energetic transformation. I was exposed to modern dance for the first time and felt like I was finally “home”. I was able to be in body and in spirit while I was exploring the fullness of my creative voice and simultaneously the fullness of my spirit. What was lacking in my spiritual practice was tied directly to my body moving in ways that revealed so much more about myself than I could have ever imagined. 

The introduction of Tai Chi as a physical manifestation of Taoism was a significant connection for me. So as I grew deeper within my dance training I also grew deeper in my spiritual practice. The evolution of me as a physical being was in line with my evolution as a spiritual being. I finally had a vehicle as a way to more fully understand my true creative nature and they wonderfully went hand and hand. 

And so the creative journey has always been the harmony of movement and spirit. All of my creative work is always deeply rooted in eastern esoteric traditions translated through contemporary creative explorations. Energy has alway been a part of my philosophy and is how I see choreography. For me, choreography is the art of shaping energy in space creating three dimensional visceral worlds as a way of exploring concepts and ideas of the heart. 

It is another reason that I rarely focus my work on gender or sexuality despite being a queer memeber of the LGBTQIA+ community. In my work I focus on the beings in the work and not so much those folks trying to portray something or someone. We work through the energy of the individuals within the landscape of the world and build from there. It has always been about being a dancer’s choreographer and helping the dancer feel comfortable in their own skin within the worlds they inhabit. 

I see the spectrum of yin and yang in all of my work. Not the western understanding of opposites or binary limitations, but rather the true nature of both yin and yang as a part of one another and that are within one another to even exist. It is always a reminder that we are all genders and all energies and elements. We are constantly finding our own harmony that is congruent with who we are and the energies of our body and our spirit. It is from this place, being in our own alignment, that we find the true nature of our voice and the ability to express its creative nature to its fullest. 

So even if I am not expressing my viewpoint as a queer body in motion, not being the perceived activist, I am artfully sharing a quiet viewpoint of a spectrum of love through a non-traditional approach to movement and creative expression.  Creativity is in and of itself activism at it’s best. The art of making and becoming, creating and expressing despite living in a world obsessed with money, success and fame is a revolutionary way of existing. 

Although I came out as gay when I was beginning my creative process, I feel as if I have not always come out or been honost with my creative career often hiding the ritualistic nature of my work or even the deep spiritual connection within my work. Yes, it has always been there, but I have not really allowed folks to fully see the depth of that information and how it is so significant in all of my teaching as well. Even in the EBAS work I have hidden a lot of the information away out of the fear of making folks uncomfortable with something foreign or unknown to them. And now it is time to let go of that and tell the story. 

It is time to tell the story of how I have come to this place in my life through a creative process alongside a spiritual journey. It is time to bring all three aspects of my being into harmony, not feeling the need to isolate the parts of myself for others’ comfortability. It is time for my comfortability and my peace finally after all of these years. Time to release the fullness of the creative spirit and embrace the multidimensional creative, energetic and sexual being that I am. Time to share that process and time to let go of the shame and fear of rejection or acceptance. I have fully accepted myself and now it is time to just be that in every way I am capable. After all, doing that is allowing myself to be present and visible for those that were never able to see it in their worlds before. It’s a way of being that champion so someone else can be the champion for themselves. 

Thirty Days of Thoughts: Day 20

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Believing, champion, courage, courageous heart, Courageous Vulnerability, creative energy, Creative Flow, creative process, creative spirit, Dance, faith, gay, love, queer, queer champion, queer creativity, Queer spirit, Soul to Soul, spirit

6/25/21

If we do the math we can clearly see, and I can clearly admit, that I have been unsuccessful in writing for thirty consecutive days this month. Yes, I have failed. But, I am just fine with that. Where I have succeeded is that I am writing anyway and will complete thirty days just not in a row. And this right here is resilience. 

What I have been seeing reveal itself is a comfortability in writing on a regular basis and being more present to see things during the day that sparks creativity or connection of dots and information that I am working on. It is rather exciting to be realizing there is so much I want to talk about and share. 

An example of this was on a walk with the boys yesterday as we were honoring the Strawberry Supermoon. I was needing to title my presentation for the Queer Artist symposium coming up in August and while walking in nature and being present among the trees, it hit me. Very clearly the title dropped into my awareness and was spot on. 

Once that happened I walked in silence with the boys and came to a clearing. What I noticed first was a man moving his arms in such a way that was not typical gestures for someone standing by themselves. It was a pulling and gathering motion with his head looking up with a great deal of focus and concentration. As I looked to the place he was staring at in the sky I realized he was flying a kite. 

This made me smile. Here in this clearing a grown man was out taking advantage of this beautiful day to be by himself and fly his kite. He was unleashing his child and doing something atypical of a grown man on a lovely afternoon. 

As we walked more closely to him we caught one another’s eye and I smiled. He returned the smile briefly as he quickly returned to his focus and work of managing his work. A brief acknowledgment of knowing and then off we went. 

This really made my heart sing as it reminded me that we all need to just do the things that make us happy regardless of age, place or culture. Yes, go fly that kite of yours and do so proudly with great joy and with confidence and grace. 

And so my little pack kept on walking. We headed back along the trail that took us deeper into the woods and the conversation with the trees. Yes trees do speak if we are willing to listen. And I do credit the trees for the title I mentioned earlier. They offer some great creative connections if one listens. 

After a little bit of walking we began to hear some music. It sounds faint and almost as if it is coming from a transistor radio. I don’t yet see anyone as there are trees between us and the place where the sound is coming from. Clearly someone is on a different trail close by listening to a soundtrack for their walk. 

We continue walking and all of a sudden, in a little clearing, I see a man on a bike peddling carefully to manage the terrain on his bike. It is strange because he too looks like a little boy doing his best to keep his balance and not fall over. It’s almost as if he just learned how to ride a bike. 

But the really interesting thing to me was his score that accompanied this whole unique image. He was listening to some seriously deep twangy country music and living his best life on his bike. And there it was again, a reminder to just do what makes sense to you and to play the soundtrack of your life while you are doing it. No matter what. You don’t have to do it well, look gray doing it or need to be with anyone to do it. Just do it. 

And of course I smiled and continued walking. And just a few steps away, as the sound moved away from us in the opposite direction, it hit me. The images I was fortunate to see were a reminder that we all should just fly our flags. Regardless of the flag and it’s meaning, if the meaning isn’t hurtful or from a place of hate, fly it with pride. 

This was super profound with it being pride month and all. And so I smiled and recognized the need for myself to be more proud and to express and share the flag, or dare I say many flags, I have to fly. And yes, I have made a commitment to up my gay and be more visible not because I don’t live out loud, but because perhaps I simply just need to be visible for folks that might need a champion for them. 

So this brings me back to the title that hit me so magically at the beginning of my walk. What spoke to me was very much a way I have been living my creative life and very much a part of my multidimensional queer life. The title being, “Present in Ones Power: Embracing Queer Body, Mind and Spirit. 

So there it is, one of those flags I talked about. And yes, right now at this moment I am flying my flag and super excited to fly it for this queer workshop. And, just to fly my flag at any time to be that champion and safe place or person for someone who has yet to be able to fly theirs for whatever reason. Being present and proud through whatever work I do is a flag in and of itself. 

Happy Pride folks! And be sure to check out the Queer Embodiment and Creative Process workshops at Dogtown Dance in Richmond, Virginia July 3,10, 17, 24, 31 and August 7 from 1:00PM-2:30PM. There will be all kinds of wonderful interactive presentations and sharing and yes, all are welcome. Hope to see as many of you as you can make. I will be the last person to share on August 7. Come out and watch me fly the flag in real time.