Reflection on a Trip Around the Sun

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allowing, becoming, Believing, Conscious Living, courage, courageous heart, Courageous Vulnerability, faith, heart, humanity, inspiration, journey, love, Soul to Soul, spirit, spirituality, universal consciousness, universal heart, well being

Reflections on a Trip Around the Sun

As I take a few moments to reflect on turning 54 this year I can’t help but express how grateful I am not only to be alive, but to be alive and thriving as a multidimensional human being who has chosen to live a life through the lens of love. This conscious choice has transformed my world and has allowed the space for great freedom and so much more joy. I have immense gratitude for the journey to be in a place of making a conscious choice of love to be my guiding light and true north.

I have recently accepted a new role in my life and have made a very clear and deliberate choice to lead with love and laughter and to truly be of service to every student in the department as well as to highlight the faculty and create a space of healing for us all. This is my only wish and my only agenda so as to lead with the kind of light I know is needed right now. It may sound as if this is something impossible, but in fact it is necessary and requires for all involved over and for all of the challenges we face both professionally and personally. I truly believe that if we make decisions from the heart, we will be making the decisions from love and therefore for radical change.

Even in this short six weeks of running at a pace not unlike the speed of sound, I have learned a great deal of what I am capable of and what is possible. Despite the speed of work and the immense learning cliff, I am finding my heart growing even in the face off the challenges I am inevitably facing day in and day out. I don’t recoil but rather lean in and press my heart forward as I know that love is the most powerful sword and shield I have to do the needed work of remarkable transformation.

I have realized that I possess many traits and had no idea I had. I am seeing myself make choices that I had no idea I was capable of making. I am reflecting in real-time decision making that comes from the art of listening with the heart, seeing with compassion and remembering that everyone is doing their best. This is the space of mindful leadership and empathic teaching. It has become very clear that listening is far more important than speaking and turning inward is far greater than projecting.

As I have paused in reflection the insights of where I am is actually a remembrance of where I have come from. In all these years I have wondered why I have been able to have such joyous and love full friendships and relationships. Even as a boy I realize I was making the choices of love and connection without even knowing it. I realize now that at my deepest spirit I have always loved first and with no question. It has become clear that reflected my mothers unconditional love even though I had no idea that there was any other way of being. And for that, and my mom, I am grateful.

As I observe my childhood and my teen years I am filled with immense love and joy for all of the friends I was so fortunate to have loved and laughed with along the way. My goodness how lucky I was to be able to connect with so many wonderful beings of light. Would t change a single thing since it would shift the people and the events I hold so dear. There isn’t a large enough book to tell the tales of joy and ecstasy that filled those times in my life. I was fortunate to be touched by so many people. The lives with a big heart and my heart held big love.

It want until after high school as a young man navigating his sexuality and a world hell bent on demonizing and second classing who I was that my heart started to shrink. As my heart began to shrink so did I. I didn’t realize it at the time but the hiding one does to diminish themselves and to move to a place of being unseen changed me. It was a strangling of love and and a revealing of fear and shame. Shame, guilt, fear and self loathing began to become larger than love. It overshadowed the ability to live myself and therefore hindered the ability to truly connect and exist in intimacy and grace. Although I wanted these things in the center of my being, not having access to my own heart due to hiding it away, didn’t allow for the kind of relationships I truly wanted as I was incapable of a healthy and positive, productive and meaningful relationship.

Although I continues to build life long friendships and connect with folks, there were still many challenges. In addition, and oddly so, I built a healthy and successful career as best I could full of passion and determination but not from a place of love being the center piece of my goals. And despite the amazing success, I often wonder how much hurt and pain I caused because I was not leading with love.

I don’t regret the many years of darkness or the immense pain of a shrunken heart. Not so I feel sorry that I numbed myself for so long to escape the heartbreak and disappointment. I realize that all of this has been necessary to have landed on route 54 as a path to freedom love and immense intimacy, joy and grace. As I mentioned before, I wouldn’t change a thing. And yet, in this moment, I realize I can change everything. Even the world. Certainly my world and the worlds of everyone I come into contact with. Perhaps my healing, teaching, dance making, writing, coaching and leading will make a dent now that my heart has begun to realize it is safe again to love without holding back a thing. Perhaps the universe is giving me the gift of a lifetime this 54th rounding of the sun.

And for this, I am grateful. Perhaps I have no idea how truly big my heart can grow. Perhaps I have no idea that this was where I was meant to be all along. Thank you for allowing me to find a path back to loving myself unconditionally and letting all that fear, guilt, pain and shame go. Without it everything is possible. And in the end, love wins and is the most powerful and joyous of ways to live and lead.

In quiet appreciation with humble observations and insights,

Me

A Prayer of Release/A Prayer of Welcoming

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acceptance, allowing, becoming, Believing, changes, Conscious Living, courage, courageous heart, Courageous Vulnerability, Energy, faith, fear, forgiveness, healing, health, heart, heart path, humanity, inspiration, letting go, light, listening, love, peace, Seeing, soul, Soul to Soul, spirit, spirituality, Understanding, universal heart, Vulnerable

Where there was fear before

There is no more

Where the was pain before

There is no more

Where there was shame before

There is no more

Where there was guilt before

There is no more

Where there was heartbreak before

There is no more

Where there was anger before

They is no more

I release these energies that have held me hostage for so long. I release these energies that have crippled my dreams, broken my heart and have alas broken me down. I release you all and open my heart to the unknown.

Where there is no more

May there be love

Where there is no more

May there be peace

Where there is no more

May there be light

Where there is no more

May there be hope

Where there is no more

May there be healing

Where there is no more

Let there be magic

Open Roads Meeting The Feet

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acceptance, allowing, becoming, beleif, Believing, changes, Conscious Living, courage, courageous heart, Courageous Vulnerability, Creative Flow, faith, heart, hope, humanity, inspiration, journey, joy, learning, lessons learned, light, listening, Magic, observations, sharing, Soul to Soul, spirit, spirituality, thoughts, universal consciousness, universal heart, Vulnerable, well being, Wonder

Throughout my life I have had the wildest belief that I would always be ok. I never really questioned how I would make it or get along for myself. Faith just seemed to be something that was akin to the essence of who I was that to question never crossed my mind.

Living in the moment with the belief that life would take care of itself has always worked out even if I had no idea where I was headed. As a young adult I just followed my heart in everything I did and fell into roles, opportunities and career paths. Because I listened to my heart, the path listened too.

I had no idea dance would ever be such a big part of my life. No clue that I would end up where I am today at this moment helping other movement lovers find their bliss in a body falling through space. Not to mention helping folks find their voice in the creative art of dance making. But somehow, by listening to the heart and believing in life and therefore myself, I am here.

Most of the opportunities I fell into were simply because I chose love over someone else’s path or traditional professional trajectory. Not in the least bit. On the contrary, I just fell. And when I did fall, all I did was learn to listen. Despite the challenges or hardships; listening was the way I was able to make sense of it all.

And fall I did; on my face, my hands and knees, my back, my front and tumble upside down at mind numbing speeds. I fell and was always caught by love. The heart always seemed to land me on my feet and just before the landing being the path underneath me once again.

I never dreamed I would be in dance. Never dreamed I would be a healer. Never dreamed I would be an artistic director. Never dreamed I would be a professor. Never dreamed I would travel the world because of it. Never dreamed I would create an alignment system that would profoundly change so many peoples lives. And yet, I continue to choose to fall.

And now, it seems like it is time for another fall. It feels as though I am on the edge of a release to once again change my own world simply by having the faith to say yes and to once again accept that the universe will always care for me and surround me in love. I have always walked with angels by my side. This I know.

And so it is with this fate that I open my heart to say yes to whatever opportunity might come my way. Whatever will fall into place and into an existence that is so unexpected and so undeniably right now; then so it shall be. I choose to fall and I choose to once again be placed on a path that will most certainly change my world and perhaps others as well.

When All is Lost, Sit.

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acceptance, allowing, becoming, beleif, Believing, Conscious Living, courage, courageous heart, Courageous Vulnerability, Creativity, Energy, faith, heart path, hope, humanity, inspiration, journey, lessons learned, love, meditation, sitting, Soul to Soul, spirit, spirituality, universal consciousness, universal heart, Vulnerable, well being

I believe I have about hit that wall where there is nothing much more to give, do or believe possible in this current reality. At several moments during this day I had to simply shut down in lieu of any other response. With nothing left, no answers to what to do next, I did the only thing I could think of; sit.

After all of the remembering to breathe. After all the forgiveness, the only thing left to do was to sit, close the eyes and let go. And so I did.

Even though I have been sitting in meditation for over 160 days, knowing it has been the only thing that has gotten me this far or kept me going; I still have not been able to embrace the kind of reality change necessary to find the freedom that my spirit desires and that my purpose matches.

I realize that if I am to really find what my heart and spirit is longing for and has been longing for, I have to find a new way of being and living in this world. It is time for a new way of participating in my life and to let go of the many habits and patterns that have not been serving me for some time. It is time for a dark night of the soul kind of change which will shift the understanding of myself and challenge the way others have perceived me for so very long. It’s time for a new life.

Do I know what this life is? No. Do I know how it is all going to happen? No. But what I do know is this current reality is not supportive of the peace my spirit craves and the love that my heart also craves to be in alignment with who I am. And in truth, who I have always been but have sacrificed for the past twenty years.

Do I regret the journey? No. Much has come from the path I have been on. And yet, at a very high price. Much has been accomplished. And yet, much has been lost. Much has been shared and many lives and bodies transformed. And yet, fighting to make that happen has been incongruent with who I really am.

And so I sit today to let go. I sit tomorrow to let go and listen. I sit the day after and beyond to quiet my mind, still the heart, forgive myself and wait for the whispers of the Universe to reach out and take hold of my hand. After all this time moving, sitting is really where the salvation is.

Remembering to Breathe

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allowing, becoming, Believing, breath, Conscious Living, courage, Courageous Vulnerability, Energy, faith, heart, heart path, light, love, Soul to Soul, spirit, universal heart

It has been a whirlwind lately and the chaos of the moment is only bearable because of breath. Moment after moment of conscious deep breathing has been the only way to drop into the present moment of being and therefore doing. I am remembering to breathe as a mechanism of self care and self love.

Breathing, and deeply breathing, is actually a way to create space for ourselves. It’s a took that allows a chance for us to pull out and see the possibilities of the moment rather than be swept up by the noise surrounding the moment. If you are feeling overwhelmed, give yourself a moment of breath to see if that helps you collect your thoughts and still the heart.

Taking a breath is also reminding me to acknowledge and reconnect with my purpose. Often times we are so wrapped up in finding solutions that we forget our purpose and miss out on the opportunities that will allow solutions that support our true essence and therefore our true purposeful life. Breath is reminding me to reconnect rather than disconnect.

If you can, take a moment and give yourself a break simply by taking a breath. A little breath break can change many things and allow us to live ourselves when the chaotic noise no longer allows us to hear ourselves. Take a breath and take a chance on reclaiming you.

Open Your Heart And Love Will Flow In

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allowing, Believing, bliss, courage, courageous heart, Courageous Vulnerability, faith, gay, heart, hope, journey, joy, love, male love, patience, Soul to Soul, spirit, universal heart

This journey as of late has really been such a delight. Time and time again I am reminded of the brilliance of being in the flow and letting go to allow. This transformation through the simple act of healing the heart and learning to love again has given me back so much light in my life.

I am super grateful to be repairing the pain. Grateful to be healing the holes. Grateful to be recalibrating the vibration and letting the heart beat freely once again. Love is the most healing of all energy and should not be shut out but rather unleashed and set free to allow the greatest healing of all.

And wouldn’t you know, out of the blue, love waltzed into my heart and has been a brilliant light. Yes, in all of this healing there must have been a trigger of the resonance and brought the sharing of love in my direction. It has been a delight to begin a journey with a lovely man with whom is such a positive energy and beautiful spirit.

I am grateful for this spirit who shared so much of his world and is teaching me new things I never dreamed of learning. It’s a new language and a new way of being that I thought long gone and passed the point of a possibility. But in fact, love builds on momentum and heals with a force greater than anything else. And for this, I believe in magic and miracles. All of which made possible by love.

Celebrating Change

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acceptance, allowing, becoming, Believing, bliss, choice, compassion, Conscious Living, courage, courageous heart, Courageous Vulnerability, faith, healing, health, heart, heart path, hope, humanity, inspiration, journey, joy, learning, life, light, love, Love Between Men, loving, patience, peace, Soul to Soul, universal heart, Vulnerable, well being, wellness

There is a lot to be said for navigating dark waters. It’s scary. It’s difficult. There never seems to be movement forward. It’s exhausting both physically and mentally. It often feels as if this is the worst thing that could possibly be happening.

Yet, ironically, this is the best time. This is a time of the unknown. This is literally a gift that is signaling immense change and immense growth. This is actually a time to celebrate. This is a time of great healing that will transform your life for the better and create a new opportunity that will welcome joy, happiness, love and light.

This is your time. The is the time of new beginnings. This is a time of storing the murky water to actually allow it to settle more clearly. It is not the time to fight or to struggle. That never works in quick sand nor does it work in times of darkness. What does work is a change of focus and a change of mind.

Softly begin to shift how you see things. Gently allow yourself to celebrate your courage to actually welcome change. Recognize that you are a gentle warrior and your sword is that of love. For no matter what is happening, love will always pave the way with grace, dignity and light. No matter what, if you choose love as your point of view, at the end of your struggle you will be left with the love you invited in. And trust that love always wins. Especially when it comes to the love that is meant for you.

Dreaming the Divine

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acceptance, allowing, becoming, beleif, Believing, bliss, body, Conscious Living, courage, courageous heart, Energy, faith, heart, heart path, humanity, inspiration, journey, joy, letting go, life, light, listening, love, loving, Soul to Soul, spirit, spirituality, universal consciousness, universal heart, well being

Let me dream the divine so that I accept the divine as mine.

May I know the oneness of both the divine self and the self I have held hostage due to the ways of the world.

May this awareness and knowing grant me the courage to let go of being held hostage and allow myself to have faith in the divine being I am.

Let me accept the divinity as the self and trust that the energies of the universe flow through me, transform me into my highest self and reconnect me to all that is and all that has ever been and ever will be.

Happy Birthday, Bright Light!

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Believing, birthdays, bliss, dogs, faith, heart, journey, joy, joys, love, pets, Soul to Soul, universal heart

Today marks the fourth human year around the sun for my beautiful boy, Beathan. We have been together for three and a half years since his adoption/rescue and it seems as though I perhaps was the one who won that lottery of love that day. No, I am sure of it.

You see, oddly enough, Beathan was born on the same day as his older brother (not known to him) passed away. His name was Baxter. He unfortunately passed naturally as his body gave out due to thyroid issues and he left this place at a rather young age. He too was a brilliant light and was very much an energy that lit the way for me on so many levels.

The irony of Baxter’s passing and the breath of life being given to Beathan on the same day has not been lost on me. As a matter of fact, I don’t doubt for one second Baxter is not living to light the way through and with Beathan. Their energy, light and love are too coincidental. I often feel on many levels Baxter is reminding me of many things through Beathan’s actions. Too many similarities to not recognize.

None the less, Beathan, in his own beautiful way, is yet another reminder of unconditional and never ending love. His sweetness is felt by so many with whom he encounters and can easily sense his depth and wisdom. Let alone his protective nature for myself, and with his extended pack.

He is a light in the dark always and stares deeply into the depth of my being daily. He has taken the responsibility of gently waking me so we can connect with an early morning cuddle and heartfelt staring. Sometimes I wake and he is already there patiently waiting for the actual wake up call. And this is how we begin each and every day.

So Happy Birthday my Beautiful Light! Happy Birthday to the light that has been there for oh so very long. I am grateful for you and all you bring.

Returning to Practices

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Believing, commitment, Conscious Living, loving oneself, Movement, Running, Soul to Soul, swimming, time, training

I have been recently writing about my return to running and all that it has been doing for me energetically, physically and physiologically. There has been a tremendous return to a body in motion and this a reminder of how good movement makes, and always has, made me feel.

Today begins another return to a practice that speaks to my heart; and that is a return to swimming. Slicing water and moving with a buoyant resistance is another great reminder of what it means to move through many elements that bring great joy. This evening will see a return to a training practice of swimming and running which will shift my being for sure.

It has been a great feeling to fall back to a body in motion in other ways than just dance and EBAS. Moving in these new ways will undoubtedly expand my neural pathways and physiologically shift so many things within my body. I am looking to see how this will support both physical and emotional well being.

This return is also a reminder to really carve out time for oneself and to commit to oneself simply because we deserve it. We get lost in the doing and in the race to prove and succeed so much so that we lose a light and this lose ourselves. It is a challenge for sure and will be a clear struggle to see how to keep this moment especially upon returning to the systems of work.

I guess the thing we will really have to consider is what can I let go of and in what ways might I be able to become much more efficient and effective in my work? This will be a new journey of discovery as well. One that will challenge but also inform in ways I have not known before. Finding balance and harmony in life, love and work. A challenge for us all.

But, I do believe it is possible. I even think it will in a strange way enhance many aspects of the things I am doing and oddly increase productivity. Increase productivity but balance with the commitment of time. After all, what good is a productivity if in fact there is no other joy in one’s life.