Reflection on a Trip Around the Sun

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allowing, becoming, Believing, Conscious Living, courage, courageous heart, Courageous Vulnerability, faith, heart, humanity, inspiration, journey, love, Soul to Soul, spirit, spirituality, universal consciousness, universal heart, well being

Reflections on a Trip Around the Sun

As I take a few moments to reflect on turning 54 this year I can’t help but express how grateful I am not only to be alive, but to be alive and thriving as a multidimensional human being who has chosen to live a life through the lens of love. This conscious choice has transformed my world and has allowed the space for great freedom and so much more joy. I have immense gratitude for the journey to be in a place of making a conscious choice of love to be my guiding light and true north.

I have recently accepted a new role in my life and have made a very clear and deliberate choice to lead with love and laughter and to truly be of service to every student in the department as well as to highlight the faculty and create a space of healing for us all. This is my only wish and my only agenda so as to lead with the kind of light I know is needed right now. It may sound as if this is something impossible, but in fact it is necessary and requires for all involved over and for all of the challenges we face both professionally and personally. I truly believe that if we make decisions from the heart, we will be making the decisions from love and therefore for radical change.

Even in this short six weeks of running at a pace not unlike the speed of sound, I have learned a great deal of what I am capable of and what is possible. Despite the speed of work and the immense learning cliff, I am finding my heart growing even in the face off the challenges I am inevitably facing day in and day out. I don’t recoil but rather lean in and press my heart forward as I know that love is the most powerful sword and shield I have to do the needed work of remarkable transformation.

I have realized that I possess many traits and had no idea I had. I am seeing myself make choices that I had no idea I was capable of making. I am reflecting in real-time decision making that comes from the art of listening with the heart, seeing with compassion and remembering that everyone is doing their best. This is the space of mindful leadership and empathic teaching. It has become very clear that listening is far more important than speaking and turning inward is far greater than projecting.

As I have paused in reflection the insights of where I am is actually a remembrance of where I have come from. In all these years I have wondered why I have been able to have such joyous and love full friendships and relationships. Even as a boy I realize I was making the choices of love and connection without even knowing it. I realize now that at my deepest spirit I have always loved first and with no question. It has become clear that reflected my mothers unconditional love even though I had no idea that there was any other way of being. And for that, and my mom, I am grateful.

As I observe my childhood and my teen years I am filled with immense love and joy for all of the friends I was so fortunate to have loved and laughed with along the way. My goodness how lucky I was to be able to connect with so many wonderful beings of light. Would t change a single thing since it would shift the people and the events I hold so dear. There isn’t a large enough book to tell the tales of joy and ecstasy that filled those times in my life. I was fortunate to be touched by so many people. The lives with a big heart and my heart held big love.

It want until after high school as a young man navigating his sexuality and a world hell bent on demonizing and second classing who I was that my heart started to shrink. As my heart began to shrink so did I. I didn’t realize it at the time but the hiding one does to diminish themselves and to move to a place of being unseen changed me. It was a strangling of love and and a revealing of fear and shame. Shame, guilt, fear and self loathing began to become larger than love. It overshadowed the ability to live myself and therefore hindered the ability to truly connect and exist in intimacy and grace. Although I wanted these things in the center of my being, not having access to my own heart due to hiding it away, didn’t allow for the kind of relationships I truly wanted as I was incapable of a healthy and positive, productive and meaningful relationship.

Although I continues to build life long friendships and connect with folks, there were still many challenges. In addition, and oddly so, I built a healthy and successful career as best I could full of passion and determination but not from a place of love being the center piece of my goals. And despite the amazing success, I often wonder how much hurt and pain I caused because I was not leading with love.

I don’t regret the many years of darkness or the immense pain of a shrunken heart. Not so I feel sorry that I numbed myself for so long to escape the heartbreak and disappointment. I realize that all of this has been necessary to have landed on route 54 as a path to freedom love and immense intimacy, joy and grace. As I mentioned before, I wouldn’t change a thing. And yet, in this moment, I realize I can change everything. Even the world. Certainly my world and the worlds of everyone I come into contact with. Perhaps my healing, teaching, dance making, writing, coaching and leading will make a dent now that my heart has begun to realize it is safe again to love without holding back a thing. Perhaps the universe is giving me the gift of a lifetime this 54th rounding of the sun.

And for this, I am grateful. Perhaps I have no idea how truly big my heart can grow. Perhaps I have no idea that this was where I was meant to be all along. Thank you for allowing me to find a path back to loving myself unconditionally and letting all that fear, guilt, pain and shame go. Without it everything is possible. And in the end, love wins and is the most powerful and joyous of ways to live and lead.

In quiet appreciation with humble observations and insights,

Me

A Prayer of Release/A Prayer of Welcoming

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acceptance, allowing, becoming, Believing, changes, Conscious Living, courage, courageous heart, Courageous Vulnerability, Energy, faith, fear, forgiveness, healing, health, heart, heart path, humanity, inspiration, letting go, light, listening, love, peace, Seeing, soul, Soul to Soul, spirit, spirituality, Understanding, universal heart, Vulnerable

Where there was fear before

There is no more

Where the was pain before

There is no more

Where there was shame before

There is no more

Where there was guilt before

There is no more

Where there was heartbreak before

There is no more

Where there was anger before

They is no more

I release these energies that have held me hostage for so long. I release these energies that have crippled my dreams, broken my heart and have alas broken me down. I release you all and open my heart to the unknown.

Where there is no more

May there be love

Where there is no more

May there be peace

Where there is no more

May there be light

Where there is no more

May there be hope

Where there is no more

May there be healing

Where there is no more

Let there be magic

Open Roads Meeting The Feet

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acceptance, allowing, becoming, beleif, Believing, changes, Conscious Living, courage, courageous heart, Courageous Vulnerability, Creative Flow, faith, heart, hope, humanity, inspiration, journey, joy, learning, lessons learned, light, listening, Magic, observations, sharing, Soul to Soul, spirit, spirituality, thoughts, universal consciousness, universal heart, Vulnerable, well being, Wonder

Throughout my life I have had the wildest belief that I would always be ok. I never really questioned how I would make it or get along for myself. Faith just seemed to be something that was akin to the essence of who I was that to question never crossed my mind.

Living in the moment with the belief that life would take care of itself has always worked out even if I had no idea where I was headed. As a young adult I just followed my heart in everything I did and fell into roles, opportunities and career paths. Because I listened to my heart, the path listened too.

I had no idea dance would ever be such a big part of my life. No clue that I would end up where I am today at this moment helping other movement lovers find their bliss in a body falling through space. Not to mention helping folks find their voice in the creative art of dance making. But somehow, by listening to the heart and believing in life and therefore myself, I am here.

Most of the opportunities I fell into were simply because I chose love over someone else’s path or traditional professional trajectory. Not in the least bit. On the contrary, I just fell. And when I did fall, all I did was learn to listen. Despite the challenges or hardships; listening was the way I was able to make sense of it all.

And fall I did; on my face, my hands and knees, my back, my front and tumble upside down at mind numbing speeds. I fell and was always caught by love. The heart always seemed to land me on my feet and just before the landing being the path underneath me once again.

I never dreamed I would be in dance. Never dreamed I would be a healer. Never dreamed I would be an artistic director. Never dreamed I would be a professor. Never dreamed I would travel the world because of it. Never dreamed I would create an alignment system that would profoundly change so many peoples lives. And yet, I continue to choose to fall.

And now, it seems like it is time for another fall. It feels as though I am on the edge of a release to once again change my own world simply by having the faith to say yes and to once again accept that the universe will always care for me and surround me in love. I have always walked with angels by my side. This I know.

And so it is with this fate that I open my heart to say yes to whatever opportunity might come my way. Whatever will fall into place and into an existence that is so unexpected and so undeniably right now; then so it shall be. I choose to fall and I choose to once again be placed on a path that will most certainly change my world and perhaps others as well.

When All is Lost, Sit.

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acceptance, allowing, becoming, beleif, Believing, Conscious Living, courage, courageous heart, Courageous Vulnerability, Creativity, Energy, faith, heart path, hope, humanity, inspiration, journey, lessons learned, love, meditation, sitting, Soul to Soul, spirit, spirituality, universal consciousness, universal heart, Vulnerable, well being

I believe I have about hit that wall where there is nothing much more to give, do or believe possible in this current reality. At several moments during this day I had to simply shut down in lieu of any other response. With nothing left, no answers to what to do next, I did the only thing I could think of; sit.

After all of the remembering to breathe. After all the forgiveness, the only thing left to do was to sit, close the eyes and let go. And so I did.

Even though I have been sitting in meditation for over 160 days, knowing it has been the only thing that has gotten me this far or kept me going; I still have not been able to embrace the kind of reality change necessary to find the freedom that my spirit desires and that my purpose matches.

I realize that if I am to really find what my heart and spirit is longing for and has been longing for, I have to find a new way of being and living in this world. It is time for a new way of participating in my life and to let go of the many habits and patterns that have not been serving me for some time. It is time for a dark night of the soul kind of change which will shift the understanding of myself and challenge the way others have perceived me for so very long. It’s time for a new life.

Do I know what this life is? No. Do I know how it is all going to happen? No. But what I do know is this current reality is not supportive of the peace my spirit craves and the love that my heart also craves to be in alignment with who I am. And in truth, who I have always been but have sacrificed for the past twenty years.

Do I regret the journey? No. Much has come from the path I have been on. And yet, at a very high price. Much has been accomplished. And yet, much has been lost. Much has been shared and many lives and bodies transformed. And yet, fighting to make that happen has been incongruent with who I really am.

And so I sit today to let go. I sit tomorrow to let go and listen. I sit the day after and beyond to quiet my mind, still the heart, forgive myself and wait for the whispers of the Universe to reach out and take hold of my hand. After all this time moving, sitting is really where the salvation is.

Dreaming the Divine

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acceptance, allowing, becoming, beleif, Believing, bliss, body, Conscious Living, courage, courageous heart, Energy, faith, heart, heart path, humanity, inspiration, journey, joy, letting go, life, light, listening, love, loving, Soul to Soul, spirit, spirituality, universal consciousness, universal heart, well being

Let me dream the divine so that I accept the divine as mine.

May I know the oneness of both the divine self and the self I have held hostage due to the ways of the world.

May this awareness and knowing grant me the courage to let go of being held hostage and allow myself to have faith in the divine being I am.

Let me accept the divinity as the self and trust that the energies of the universe flow through me, transform me into my highest self and reconnect me to all that is and all that has ever been and ever will be.

140 Days of Sitting

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acceptance, allowing, becoming, beleif, Believing, bliss, body, change, changes, compassion, Conscious Living, courage, courageous heart, Courageous Vulnerability, Creative Flow, Creativity, Dance, development, Energy, faith, health, heart, heart path, hope, humanity, inspiration, journey, learning, letting go, life, light, listening, love, Mindful Action, patience, peace, sharing, Soul to Soul, spirit, spirituality, Teaching, universal consciousness, universal heart, well being, Wonder

Today marks the 140th day of a meditation practice that I began as a 40 day challenge. To say that this time has been transformative would be completely denying the fullness of what sitting in peace has done for me. I am incredibly grateful for choosing to sit and practice my spiritual journey and do so with a commitment I have not had in decades.

Somewhere along the way of becoming I got lost in the going. Dreams, desires and societal and cultural expectations simply knocked me off balance. That of course is understandable when we succumb to the illusion of the busyness of being. We are sold that to be busy is to be successful. To be busy is to be validated. This is especially true in academia where I live to butter my bread.

Drifting through a sea of disillusionment it is easy to get lost when the goals are not congruent or in alignment with the true vibration of you. We think to know and yet what matters most is that we should feel to know and better yet, understand. And as the rocks tumble in this avalanche of despair we are seeing all around us, we see and feel how fear seems to be getting the best of us.

I made a conscious choice to heal while Covid ravaged our very existence. In a time of heightened fear, I chose freedom. In a time of chaos, I chose quietude. In a time of heartbreak, I chose healing. This is the key element in allowing ourselves the time and space to heal ourselves of the hurt, shame, trauma and fear that we have been collecting as well as spreading. For one can’t but help hurt others of in fact they are hurt themselves. Choosing to break the cycle of pain takes the courage to make the choice for change.

I realize not everyone believes in meditation nor is it part of many belief systems. Yet, what is part of all spiritual paths is the simple thread of the power of love that is woven through them all. For me, meditation has been a way to return to loving myself and therefore all those around me. Perhaps your path is different in the form of finding oneself, but regardless, sitting in meditation and opening the magnetic field of love that emanates from the heart is what allows for magic, wonderment and awe.

There have been many transformative, synchronistic and enchanted moments during these past 140 days. For this my heart is grateful. My body is also grateful. In addition, the energy I live in continues to make me giddy with ecstasy like I have not felt in years.

From where I sit now, all I can see is possibility. As I heal, I grow. As I grow, I become. As I become, I am able to welcome all that is in true alignment with the most beautiful vibration of me and the me that I can be. I accept and allow to do more good, no, more great in the world. I have it to give. And so I shall.

Possibilities Abound

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acceptance, allowing, becoming, beleif, Believing, bliss, body knowledge, change, compassion, Conscious Living, courage, Courageous Vulnerability, Creative Flow, Creativity, development, Dream, Energy, faith, heart, heart path, hope, humanity, inspiration, journey, joy, learning, life, light, love, Magic, Mindful Action, peace, sharing, Soul to Soul, spirit, spirituality, universal consciousness, universal heart, well being, Wonder

Since Covid I have found myself giving over to healing from so much of my past that I never allowed myself the time to heal from. Despite the horrific tragedy of the pandemic and all of the lives lost and devastating heartbreak, I committed to choosing healing the heart as a way of taking time to honor the space of this moment.

A few years into what I have deemed my heart work, I am so grateful I made that choice and stuck with it as life returned to a new normal. What didn’t return was the man I was pre-pandemic. And for all of this I am able to see the immense change in who I am, what I desire and what is truly possible when one begins living from the heart and unconditional love.

As I diligently engage my meditation practice, my affirmation practice, my running practice, my waking practice, my movement practices and even my hypnosis; I see the abundance of possibilities that are there for me. Not a day goes by or a dream expressed that I don’t see the potential for a whole new life, mind and way of living.

Decisions have been made for huge shifts and transformative opportunities which slowly begin to reveal themselves in so many synchronicities and ah ha moments. I have returned to so many instinctual remembrance’s that all whisper that this is the right direction and path for my voice of the heart to begin speaking and literally singing once again.

This is the time and I realize, now more than ever, that the work I do, share and creates are needed now. My sensitivity, empathy, compassion and love is needed now. In these challenging and very turbulent times, I am needed now. As are you.

If we are going to move the world into the space of love, we all are needed now. In all of the many different ways, being and becoming; we are all so desperately needed for a time of healing for ourselves and for one another. The earth needs us. Our hearts need us. All that you love needs us.

In acknowledging that you are needed and putting the energy and focus in that loving space; possibilities will abound. You are capable of magic and miracles. We all are capable of magic and miracles. I choose magic and miracles each and every day. And let me tell you, it is divine.

Running Into Love

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allowing, becoming, Believing, Conscious Living, courage, Courageous Vulnerability, heart, heart path, inspiration, love, Mindful Action, Movement, Running, Soul to Soul, spirit, spirituality, universal heart, well being

I have recently committed to running again and just completed my fourth run into this new challenge. Since Covid and all the upheaval that came from all of that, I have found I needed to return to my body in a physical way outside of dance so that I could engage in a very different movement meditation than I am so used to. Running has always been that joy so I have decided it time tomorrow return to that love.

During my run today I found myself hearing this line which is the title of this post; running into love. I run without headphones and outside where I can be in nature and commune with the trees and animals to better drop into the meditative energy of what running does for me. Today was no exception and one of those download days.

When I heard running into love I immediately felt the profound connection as to what this commitment meant for me and why this return to joy was really about me running into the love of myself, my body and my spirit. Showing up for myself and letting my repetitive movement take me through space without the need to make, create or form movement for anyone rather than for myself is a huge shift for me. And that shift feels so good.

Taking the time to open my day so as to open my heart and release my legs through space has been so deeply satisfying and I can already feel the shifts both physiologically and physically in my form. Another reminder at just how quick we can transform ourselves in such little time with a simple commitment to loving ourselves in the ways that feel so very right for each and every one of us. Running just feels so right for me and reminds me that in all things, it must feel right and be in alignment with myself. If I am in that flow, transformative energy is engaged and the animation of spirit activated.

I am so grateful that I am simply showing up to run regardless of time, distance or ego. I begin and keep going until I feel like my body has done what it has needed to do. And undoubtedly, I have added distance and reduced the amount of time it takes to go those distances. Drop in, open the heart and let the magic flow. And like all things that are right for us, the good work happens right then and there. The good work of being exactly who you are, meant to be and in the act of love.

As I return to running I am invariably returning to the love of myself. Running into love is an act of rebellion in that it actively shifts mind and body to radically become the very best I can be in this moment. The very best of me loving myself, my body and this amazing life.

What are you “running” into?

Remembering The Joy Of You

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allowing, becoming, Believing, change, Conscious Living, courage, courageous heart, Courageous Vulnerability, faith, growth, heart, humanity, inspiration, journey, joy, letting go, life, light, love, Mindful Action, Soul to Soul, spirit, spirituality, universal consciousness, universal heart, Vulnerable, well being

There often seems to be moments as of late when I am reminded of so many of the joys that have somehow escaped my life and I have unfortunately missed for some time. For so many of us, our lives get so busy and so focused that we lose track of the simple joys that filled our hearts and our bodies with such positive energy and happiness. Lately, by taking conscious time out for myself, I am started to feel those joys returning. And for this I am grateful.

Oddly, this isn’t as if I am searching to go back to something, but it is more like I am remembering the essence of who I am and the joys are deeply connected to that reminder. I look back over the past ten years and can see the slow numbing of the energy within that brought so many of those joys to life. During that time I lost the compass of my spirit and therefore the joys that were simple a part of the essence of my being.

Now, as I allow myself to fulfill my true nature, all of a sudden the things that brought so much joy are now re-emerging into so many aspects of my life. Fear, anger, shame and guilt are very powerful and suffocate our joys and the heartbreaking thing is that we often don’t realize it while in a state of hurt, grief or disappointment. But I assure you, the joys are still there albeit they may be presently unseen.

In fact, the joys never left you. Nor the essence of your true being. The noise, the conditioning, the chaos and the turmoil of the current moment may have buried them so deeply, but I assure you, the light of you is still there. It is your sacred energy and as we all know, you do not destroy energy, it is just transformed.

So in reality, if it was transformed once, it can be transformed again. Yes! You can return to the light if you but not by going back, but by going forward. Forge ahead so that you can meet yourself once again. Forge ahead so that you can walk in the light of you. Forge ahead so that your dreams can once again see the light of day. And remember, it is never too late.

Thirty Days of Thoughts: Day 2

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choreography, Dance, dance makers, dance making, heart, heart path, modern dance, spiritual, spirituality

There is a sweetness of awareness that has been happening over the past few months that have really been such a beautiful experience. As I dive deeper into the Five Element Theories of Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM), I am finding so many wonderful connections with all of the work I have been doing for the past thirty years creatively as well as spiritually. It’s nice to feel a sense of return in addition to the confirmation of what I have known and felt all along.

Coincidently my spiritual practice was revealed through my decision to dance. Back when I first started I was introduced to various movement practices through a seminar class that was required for our curriculum. It was through this coursework that Tai Chi and Qi Gong was introduced to my life.

Since then my creative and spiritual journey have been interwoven through the works I made and the philosophies that were the inspiration for that work. It seems there has always been a parallel of physicality and well-being throughout my early training practices.

dues to starting dance at a very late age all of this work and playing catch-up influenced the way I grew and developed my thinking and in many ways how I perceived dance and technique. I was never trained through the aesthetics of various forms but rather encouraged to explore, discover and play with how my body felt in motion. I felt ecstasy in movement and fell deeply in love with my soulful connection to my body.

Clearly the path I chose had a big influence on the rest of my life. I made choices to stay in motion even if there were “objects” interacting at times to thwart my momentum. The laws of motion somehow kept me moving and moving through me to allow for opportunities to keep diving deeper. It is this wonderful appreciation of fate that I owe a deep gratitude to for dance giving me the life it has. And what a life it has been!!