Thirty Day’s of Thoughts: Day Eight

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art, changes, faith, health, Home, humanity, inspiration, learning, lessons learned, life, me, observations, space, training, travel, truth, work, Writing

On this day I pause to absorb the incredible light that is this life, my life. I am so full of gratitude for so much goodness that it is truly hard to compose the joy. I smile as I sit here and write this as I am once again reminded that I have been given the gift of a voice to use it to express myself in so many different ways. I have been give the gift of expression through movement, song and word. For this I am grateful and for this I shall sing.

As I woke today I was kissed on the cheek by Bradford as he so lovingly assures me that it is in fact to get up and there is no more time left for this sleeping thing. The time is now to start paying attention to his wishes and needs along with his brother. I mean it is morning and it is time for a romp in the yard and that thing they love called breakfast. What is really beautiful is that he will wait patiently after the first little kiss and stare at me until I stir. Gentle breathing with his head rested on my arm.

And so I enter my day, this day of celebration through the act of gratitude. It is my goal to pay attention to all of the beautiful moments this day brings. Paying attention to the beautiful energy and soul of my home and my sanctuary that continually folds me into itself and revitalizes my spirit. The energy of a home should be that of a sacred space that recharges ones spirit by letting them feel safe as they are surrounded by both energetic and physical blessings.

I have no plans to do anything special except be extra grateful for this life. I celebrate all that is my present, honor all that is my past and open my heart to all that is to be. I open myself to what is to come and know without a doubt there is magic in store. So much more than I can plan or scheme. I open my spirit and welcome the energies of the vast infinite universe to move whatever it is I need into my path. When this happens, it will be as natural as breath itself.

I once again was reminded of this yesterday when I was out looking for a new work to add to my collection and to my walls. I have been wanting a David Cressman for some time now as his paintings really speak to me. I cam across them a while ago and have been keeping an eye out for them and an opportunity to become a keeper of his art. I went through and found a Holly Markoff that complimented a work of hers I have and was about to walk out the door when something told me to walk to a corner of the gallery that I have not been to before. As I turned I could feel the calling of the beautiful work on that wall.

Not only was I standing in front of a wall of David Cressman, but my eye immediately was drawn to a work which consisted of a beautiful landscape with none other than the Eiffel Tower and the wonderful bridges of the Seine. The light in this work is glorious. As a matter of fact the piece is titled Golden Light of Paris. How perfect. And so, without question, the time was now to fold this new work into my sacred abode and add it to the ever expanding collection of incredible work. It was time.

And so I sit here writing as it hangs just over my left shoulder on a wall of work that brings my heart joy. Many of the works are from and/or are about the places that steel my heart. Paris, Tuscany and Santa Fe. There are also landscapes that honor Virginia and all of its beauty. The paintings remind me of the beauty that surrounds me at home to anchor me while I have the privilege of experiencing the magic of the city of light and the birthplace of the renaissance. Light speaks to me. Light speaks to my heart.

I am grateful I am able to listen. I am thankful that I have been able to create the space to listen. At first I was overwhelmed by what I could hear and see, but learned how to quiet the added noise that often times surrounds the song and focus in on listening to what was being shared. So much is given to us about the magic of this world and universe. So much truth is before our eyes on a daily basis and I am just thankful that I have opened my heart to tune into those truths and find peace in doing so.

When I look at my students, their bodies speak to me. Their truths of who they are and the desires for where they want to be whisper clearly. Their bodies reach out and ask for health and wellness. Their spirits are open. Even if they do not know they speak this, their spirits are speaking loud and clear. And for this, I have to listen. I am so thankful I am able to listen. I am so honored to be in this place of healing and well being.

You know I don’t really consider myself a teacher. I do not consider myself a choreographer. I don’t consider myself an artist either. I long ago claimed what I am and have been doing my work from that space for some time now. When I realized that what I was was different than what I was hoping to be, I was able to admit to myself that my spirit is actually a healer. From the moment of that acceptance of fate, I let go of needing to be good at what I do or respected for what I made. I stepped into myself and began to listen to bodies and how they wanted to live and live in the space.

I sing dances into being by listening to the voices of the bodies in front of me. I carve space with illuminating bodies in which vibrant with the soul of the work. When all forms are tuned to the essence of the work, I know the work is satisfied and it can be itself in this world. The same is true when the body vibrates openly so that the pathways are aligned and open to carry the body to well being to be able to physicalize work. There are layers to the making and creating of bodies and bodies of light in space. It all starts with the healing of these bodies through the reeducation of the physical self to align with the spiritual self.

And for this I am grateful. I am grateful I can celebrate knowing who I am. Thankful that I have accepted my deepest self and that I have not run away from myself out of fear. How glorious it is to walk the stillness of knowing oneself and celebrating with humility that this life has been a beautiful choice of grace and light. I celebrate the very essence of who I am and recognize, as well as honor, this amazingly beautiful life I have been graciously allowed to live.

And so I walk into my 48th year knowing that with an open heart magic will reveal itself to me always. There will be light laid beneath my feet so I will know where to step. The will be instructions given if I continue to listen. There will be blessings beyond imagining simply by being. May I continue to be as I circle the sun once again.

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Thirty Day’s of Thoughts: Day 2

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body, Creativity, culture, development, Existence, faith, family, humanity, inspiration, learning, lessons learned, life, me, mind, observations, research, sharing, space, spirit, students, thoughts, training, truth, waiting, work, Writing

Not Knowing

I literally have no idea what I am doing. Seriously, I have no clue. I realize this as it has been this way my entire life. I suspect this is the way it is going to be for the rest of my life as well. Why would it be any different? I look back over the span of my existence and not once have I ever felt as if I knew, truly knew, what I was doing. Even as I write this I recognize that I have never felt comfortable with my written voice.

As a young person I spent most of my time asking questions about how and why. I have a vivid memory of asking my parents what was before God. I was always inquiring about things trying to understand the unknown, the unseen and the unattainable. To this end I feel not knowing encouraged the inquisitive nature I carry with me today. For this I am grateful for not knowing but willing to ask questions.

Somewhere along the way my curiosity was squelched by don’t ask don’t tell. Recognizing my sexuality very early on reflected negatively on my inquisitive self. I became more internally focused on keeping myself secret and hidden that I left one of the best assets of myself on the shelf in the closet hidden behind imposed fear.

The culture in which I grew up in pressured normalcy. This being the traditional boy who plays sports, likes cars, likes rock and roll….etc. So when a boy like me goes to play baseball and has no clue what the damn sport is about let alone wanting to be there, stands in the outfield praying the ball won’t come to me. That same boy, the one fearful of going to bat, simply for the fear of not wanting to let his team members down. I knew nothing about baseball and yet I am supposed to like it. And yet, I still have to play.

The same is true for basketball. Clueless. I just don’t know or care about it and have no idea what the rules are, how to play or what professional teams area. To this day I could not name several professional teams. And for not knowing this, deeper this boy goes down the rabbit hole of not knowing. The deeper one goes, the more one feels ashamed for not knowing.

And this pattern continues, sport after sport. I did have some success in gymnastics and the little bit of wrestling I did. But still, always in a place of trying to figure things out when it seemed as if the other guys on the team know exactly what they were doing. They had been doing it for some time or had been taught by their fathers what these things were. Trying to keep up because I enjoyed my friends and secretly swimming in a sea of not knowing.

It wasn’t until high school when I decided to follow my hearts desire to be in theatre. I did so as a whim. I remember walking down the staircase while the director and set designer where walking up and I spoke up and introduced myself telling them I was going to audition. They smirked simply because they had no clue as to who I was since I had never been in any other musical or was even in choir.

That said, I knew nothing of singing other than I liked it and that I wanted to act. So I auditioned. And to my surprise, I got in. I got in and I got a leading role. Oh shit!!! I know nothing. Here I am in a musical, don’t know how to sing, don’t really know anything about theatre or musicals and I now have to do this. What the hell am I going to do? And look at these cast members who know so much. I can’t even read music.

The best thing about this experience was that not knowing anything allowed for me to interact and learn how to sing. The people who surrounded me accepted me anyway. They surrounded me and supported me in doing what I had no idea how to do. Because of this, I fell in love with the life of being in the theatre. Because of this, my life changed.

And so I decided to take signing lessons and found out about a whole new world called opera. I wanted to do that too. I wanted to do whatever it took to allow the voice of my heart to be heard by the rest of the world. I was willing to place myself in a position of courageous vulnerability still not knowing anything about the things I was doing or wanted to do.

As I trained further and further I realized after every audition that I needed to learn how to dance as not being able to was keeping me from getting work in the professional realm. So continuing on the path, I find myself taking a dance class. Oddly enough, a modern dance class. What the hell is this? But the people are so beautiful and the bodies are amazing! I feel amazing in my body when I am moving like this. I know I don’t look it since I am starting at such a late age, but none-the-less, the class goes one way and I go the other. Once again, living in the land of not knowing but now not caring.

So my entire college experience was one of not knowing and playing catch up. Always playing catch up seems to be the story of my life. And yet, as I look back, this is what trained my eyes to see movement the way I do. This is what trained me to heal like I do. This is what has trained me to teach as I do. This is what trained me to make dances like I do. The constant state of not knowing has forced a reality on me that I could never have figured out in a state of knowing. EBAS was created out of an injury due to not knowing my body fully or how it truly functions.

So as I stand in front of my classroom in sea of bodies, I know what it is like to not know. As a matter of fact I stand in front of my students every day not knowing. But what this forces me to do is stand in front of them and to see them. To truly see their bodies and the potential that lies within. It forces me to listen to their voices and to help them figure out what it means to learn more about this thing they love. And because we all love it, we work diligently on trying to figure it out.

Yet, with all things that are magical, there is no real knowing it. I still do not know this thing called dance. There is so much I don’t know I am not sure I should be doing what I do. The one thing I am sure of is that I know I do good. I see it in the bodies in front of me and I see it in the physical transformations of my student’s body, mind and spirit. Of all the things I don’t know, the light in their eyes and hearts I do know. And for this, I am gladly going along the path of continual not knowing. Perhaps I will stumble on some kind of intelligence. Maybe not the academic intelligence forced on us by our culture and societal norms, but a body knowledge that is the knowledge of humanity. This is I know is right for me. This I know is right for my soul.

Words for the dancers of “Blind Sight”

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Believing, choreography, contemporary dance, courage, Courageous Vulnerability, Creative Flow, Dance, faith, heart, journey, joy, light, love, Mindful Action, modern dance, Soul to Soul, Teaching, Technique, training

Blind Sight

 

If you were to possess the ability to see, that which does not exist, you would most clearly understand the depth and expanse of your immediate reality. You would understand that there are things that surround you, carry you, and support the very vibration that is you.

 

If you could allow yourself to trust in the Universe to guide you, humble yourself in faith so deep you would radiate the light, you would believe that underneath it all, you already possess the wings to fly.

 

What you do not know does not mean it is not already there. You already embody what is needed to soar beyond your wildest imaginings and the question now is whether you will be able to see it inside yourself and in those that surround you at this present moment.

 

There is a great animal inside of you. Let it be free. Let it be your companion on this journey tonight. You have built a relationship with it to no longer fear it. Wild does not mean without heart, it means living with an enchanted abandonment that our hearts hunger to express. Run alongside that animal, for it is the very embodiment of the spirit within.

 

These are the spirits I see with my blind sight; the spirit of your true nature in all of its glory. Do you have the courage to see it yourself while allowing for a moment, others to see it in you, too?

 

Words for the dancers of “Bridging the River of Timelessness”

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Ballet, choreography, Conscious Living, contemporary dance, Dance, Dream, heart path, hope, journey, light, Mindful Action, Modern, path, patience, Soul to Soul, spirituality, training, universal consciousness, universal heart

Bridging the River of Timelessness

 

With each step, we are pushed upwards towards the heavens. With each breath, heaven absorbs us. We live in a constant state of rise and fall, evolution and demise as well as continual transformation. This is what creates the movement that guides us all towards the ultimate freedom of transcendence.

 

In these quiet, contemplative steps, we must be mindful of the very moments we inhabit. These moments help us to understand the magnitude of our being in order to recognize the bridges needed to cross the river of timelessness.

 

There needs to be no fear for what is to come. That which is our present, is the angel that keeps us safe. In this present moment of awareness, we understand all things as time ceases to have importance. It is this moment that the universe allows you to glimpse the radiant glory of timelessness itself. And because of this insight, you know, in the deepest parts of your spirit, that there is nothing to fear for you are the light of the universe and the universe is the light of you.

 

I Am

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art, Ballet, choreography, Composition, contemporary dance, Dance, Imagery, kinetic imagery, Magic, Modern, modern dance, Shaping Space, Technique, training

I am a maker of dance, both the ephemeral imagery in space as well as the physical beings who transcribe them. The shape of the space in which the physical reality of a work exists is where I feel at home in my skin. It is this transparency and manifestation of concept that thrills me most.

 

I like to speak with movement and express the desires of my heart through the physical articulation of bone and blood. As the body traces space, hitting point by point the architectural blue prints of choreography, the soul revels in ecstasy as it etches each work.

 

I like to listen to the world with my feet hearing the subtle churning and shifting of its rotation and the chaos of its populations. When the foot becomes receiver, the heart becomes the poet allowing for the majesty of imagery to create the kinetic hologram of dance.

 

I am a maker of dance. I am a shaper of space. I am a poet of kinetic proportions penning movement into magic and mystery. 

 

Where I Hoped We Would Be

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calm, change, dedication, diligence, dogs, happiness, patience, peace, training

I have mentioned before the training of my boys and their crazy behavior when they are out with the neighbors unfixed dog. Well, today I am happy to report that as I write they are all out together enjoying their independent spaces and lying in the sun. They are aware of both being out and yet, there is a calm in them all. I am so happy to have patiently gotten to this point. Arriving at a wish I thought almost impossible several months ago.

 

Today though, they are all exactly where they need to be and I am exactly where I want to be. This is a great reminder that through patience, dedication and positive reinforcement, almost anything is achievable. Now it might take more time and effort than you are willing to give at certain points, but the payoff is truly enjoyable. The payoff is peace. The payoff is a happy state of being for all beings. If my dogs and I can do it, we all can do it. Whatever the goal and task.

Training for the Love of Dance

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Ballet, body, body knowledge, contemporary dance, courage, Dance, Dance Appreciation, Dance Forms, Energy, faith, Jazz, light, Modern, nueral pathways, sharing, Soul to Soul, speaking body., Speaking with the heart, spirit, Support, Technique, training

 

We push the body to expand its limitations while embedding spirit with that training.  Even though our bodies are not us, we are our souls that expand as the direct result of our training. In doing this, we build an intimate connection to all the emotions the body goes through while evolving through the rigor and technique as well as the continued rewiring and retracing of our neural pathways. We move mountains inside our physical selves creating space for place while expanding our souls creating space for grace.

 

It is the presence of this grace that exemplifies who we are as dancers; it is the energetic makeup of the performing kinetic body. It does not matter what kind of dance style we perform, what particular genre or technique; training is the act of deepening the physical and spiritual body so that we might allow the heart to speak through all movement.

 

It is this place that we should welcome our brothers and sisters in our forms embracing that we are all warriors of this thing called dance and that we share at our very essence the art of training, We should honor one another despite not understanding why we choose to manipulate or speak with our bodies differently. We should wrap our colleagues in support knowing that we too have needed loving arms to ease the burden of striving to better our physical and emotional selves.

 

It would be lovely to be able to see all our dance forms as building a larger community, understanding and learning from one another so as to expand our voices, build new audiences and drive the art form ever more deeper into our own hearts while sharing our humanity with an ever expanding audience.

 

Training for the love of dance is why we are here. Living for the love of life is why we share.

A Body Speaks

Tags

Ballet, Conscious Living, contemporary dance, courage, Courageous Vulnerability, Creative Flow, Creativity, Dance, EBAS, listening, Modern, practice, Soul to Soul, speaking body., spirit, Technique, training, universal heart, well being, Wonder

Our bodies speak to us. They communicate our deepest needs as well as our finest joys. Our bodies are intelligent organisms capable of incredible healing and transformation. The limitations established for this magnificent organic machine are created by the mind that is no longer capable of listening.

It is important to listen carefully to the fluctuations of the body’s voice. Every shift and alteration of functioning should be understood and evaluated so as to better understand whether or not the change is a positive one or one that should no longer be engaged in. We must train ourselves to listen again and to fully understand what is good for our systems and what might need better attention or implementation.

This is crucial in the development and training of dance. We must focus on learning through sensation rather than sensationalize external pictures or forms. If we are able to train ourselves to listen to our bodies feeling the very musculature necessary for a technical application, we are more likely to fully understand the fundamental function and integration of that function in the larger tapestry of our practice. We must allow time for the recognition and reflection necessary to hear and feel the voice of the body.

This way of working is by no means an excuse to diminish the technical proficiency of our forms, but rather a way of heightening our awareness and understanding of how to engage our bodies in a more holistic and healthy practice of training our bodies establishing new limitless boundaries that support a more conscious and soulful form. We must understand how technique works to expand the limits of what we currently think possible.

There is so much noise in our dance culture that we are not able to sense or feel the artistry within the art. We have stopped listening and have only been manufacturing the external sensationalization of jumps, tricks and turns. No one longer wishes to establish a fundamental practice to support these very virtuosic activities and therefore find them no longer able to participate in the very activity they love because they have injured themselves. This seems to be a reflection of our culture and society with wanting everything possible immediately without ever having worked for it. The student becomes a hostage to a very flimsy house of cards in which hope can no longer be a reliable foundation.

It is time for us to take time to train through listening. It is time to slow down and allow the students to hear their own bodies so that they might make informed decisions in which they become empowered as artists, creative choreographers and educated teachers. The irony in slowing down is that you speed up the consciousness for the student. If a student achieves more awareness they are able to make connections and integrate their technical and creative process allowing their practice to function like the central nervous system in our magnificent machines; making neurological and physical shifts and changes at the speed of sound, the sound of their bodies voice.

Training from the Inside Out

Tags

Ballet, body, body knowledge, contemporary dance, Dance, mind, Modern, sensation, slowing down, Soul to Soul, speaking body., spirit, Teaching, training

There is a beauty in the training of the body: A comfort in the deep activation of musculature that reminds you of the magic of our physical abilities. Reaching deep into the spirit of oneself and realizing that you can open your mind wide enough in order to press away the boundaries of your movement while expressing greater range of motion and articulation, is truly a divine and euphoric sensation.

 

This awareness is the activation of learning through sensation. It is the place in which we should encourage our students to be whole heartedly committed to so that they can deepen their practice, strengthen their bodies and find the soulful creative connection of mind and body. This safe and secure place fosters the creative and expressive process. This is where the student should live while learning the art of dance and the enchanted act of choreography.

 

When a student explores their body with the confidence of sensation, being allowed the luxury of the present moment while feeling the magic of a technical principle, they then embody and honor the art form from the inside out. Movement then becomes a full expression of the human experience rather than a hallow interpretation of a misguided perception that is often projected on them by a teachers ego.

 

What if we could take the time to explore technique from the inside? What if we were allowed the luxury of taking time to fulfill the expression of a movement rather than pretend that speed is the barometer of success regardless of how well done the technical application actually is? What if we took the time with our students encouraging them to listen rather than imitate? What if we all weren’t in such a hurry to get to a place we deemed as successful and simply find the success in the training itself?

More Learning from the Boys

Tags

behavior modification, beleif, courage, Dance, dogs, faith, heart knowledge, kindess, love, my boys, patience, positive reinforcement, time, training, wisdom

I am learning a lot about patience through my recent work with Baxter. I have wanted to modify his behavior to keep him calm when the next-door neighbors non-spayed dog is out in the yard at the same time. Whenever she comes out, he looses it and all the Zen that you thought was a part of him turns to crazy. An odd and unnerving sight.

 

Recently I have been spending much more time with him trying to quietly calm him and get his attention to focus on me rather than solely focus on a female hormonal conquest. It has taken some time, but he calms very quickly through positive reinforcement and encouragement in his behavior. Just today, I was able to call him from the house, have him focus and even sit down to calmly watch his friend just across the fence.

 

I am so proud of him and his ability to channel his energy and his focus for this monumental shift. Because of these modifications in his energy and his focus, Bradford calms easily following the leader of the pack energy. Although I am the alpha, Baxter is above Bradford and having that supportive energy really does transfer throughout the pack. It is so nice to see the rewards of patience, kindness and positive energy feedback.

 

This reminds me of how important it is to implement this in all kinds of situations in our lives. We tend to live in a dominant driven winner take all culture that does not allow time and positive energy to actually do the work for us. After all modifications in behavior or any training only happens with time, encouragement and belief that the individual can make the changes necessary.

 

Once again, my dogs teach me the importance of patience and love not only for myself, but also for others around me. I need to breathe this in as I enter a classroom, rehearsal, meetings and ever so importantly, my back yard.