Acceptance

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acceptance, accepting what is, Believing, challenge, courage, Courageous Vulnerability, dyslexic, empathy, evolve, faith, growth, love, Soul to Soul, spirit, transformation

After all this time I have come to accept that being dyslexic is actually my super power. For so long I have hidden this aspect of myself and did not even know what it was or that there was a name for why I saw things, spoke the way I did or wrote the way I did. All this time I just lived with the shame and humiliation that there was something wrong with me or that I was just not intelligent enough. 

And now, I am opening myself up to simply accepting it as something that has truly been an asset and as a secret super power. Yes, my brain works differently than others but because of this I see, sense and experience the world in a way that has heightened me being an empath and healer that I am. Not to mention the creativity that I bring to making dances and building kinetic worlds. 

The other rather interesting thing that has come of coming out as dyslexic is that I have successfully built skills to work with it and through it to write and express myself better. The 30 day challenges I have given myself have helped to simply practice these skills and to build confidence in making small shifts in my courage to write. 

We know that we are able to change neural pathways and use neuroplasticity as a tool for remapping and relearning things. Because of this, folks don’t have to suffer in silence or believe themselves to be inferior or broken. It’s like many things we hide to avoid shame but in reality, if we open ourselves up, we find it possible to heal and to work through what is in fact solvable. 

What would it be like if we supported so many others on whatever journey they were on? What would it be like if we lead with acceptance and love rather than expectation and fear? Would we not all be more open and supportive? Would our lives be that much less difficult? It seems to me we all could live with a lot less trauma and a lot more acceptance. 

Why is it we as human beings feel a need to only feel safe when we are all the same? Why do we do this to one another? What is so comforting about being like everyone else and othering those that we don’t understand or fear? Don’t we in fact learn so much from our differences and grow because of them? 

I know for me there would have been a lot less mountains of healing to climb would I really have known that all of who I was/am was always good enough and embraced. If I was to say anything to my younger self it would be to not fear who I am and to live unabashedly unashamed. Live loud. Live big. And most of all, love yourself like no one could ever love you. 

Perhaps we all could find it within ourselves to encourage this in ourselves and in all of those we come into contact with. Perhaps we could practice acceptance and sometimes learn to live with what makes us uncomfortable at times. There is a lot the body can teach us when we lean into our discomfort and find out what is hiding within that. 

More and more I try to find out what is lurking in the uneasiness that needs my attention. Facing those moments and bringing them into my awareness is where the transformation happens. And trust me, there is a lot of transformation still to happen. 

I have found that admitting who I really was and facing what being dyslexic meant was a moment of great freedom and oddly great pride. Like many things in my life, I am relearning how to live with great pride and acceptance of the fullness of my being. 

Mantra

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Believing, Conscious Living, courage, Courageous Vulnerability, Ecstasy, faith, learning, learning to fly, lessons learned, love, Soul to Soul, spirit, transformation, welcoming

I see myself within the sunlight of my dreams 

I free myself of the shadows cast by the history of moonlight 

I bathe in the ecstasy of deep secrets lost

I release the vibrations of a transformed spirit 

I lean into the winds of change 

I walk forward finding myself in the ever present 

I accept all that comes and allow it in good time

I let go of expectations letting in more than ever imaginable 

I embrace my complete being while living amor fati

Thirty Days of Thoughts: Day 18

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Ballet, Believing, change, Conscious Living, courage, Courageous Vulnerability, Dance, modern dance, Soul to Soul, spirit, teaching dance, training, transformation

I missed two days of postings this weekend but oddly the work I have been doing over the last two days has been incredibly insightful and supportive of the work I will be presenting at the Corps de Ballet International Conference July 6-9. It has been a flurry of connections and linking of many aspects of my research. Super excited about sharing the work and welcoming folks into the history of the form in addition to the theories that inhabit the Elemental Body Alignment System. 

I have shared this work with my students of course and have shared the form but I have often only shared the pedagogy perspective with students of the teacher training courses I host. Even there I have not shared a lot of the foundational work as there has not been enough time during our course to really get into that or from a feeling that it might be too controversial or  too esoteric for folks simply wanting to embed the form into their training schools. I have not presented this material in a conference setting nor have found the right voice or theme to connect to. I am excited that this conference offers this opportunity and am very grateful to be invited to do so. 

It has been an awfully long time trying to figure out how to share this information without it feeling like I am condemning the way ballet or technique has been taught. The work does ask us to reexamine how we present our material and what our values are behind our training practices. This in and of itself is a challenge especially in a form that historically focuses on the end aesthetic results and values a limited range of what constitutes success. 

There have been folks in the field who have been practicing and teaching in a certain way for so long that to challenge that in any way might seem an affront or conflict for them. I often see this reflected in students who are reluctant to explore and experiment with different ways of doing material they have learned a certain way. Even if they are in pain or are uncomfortable with what it is they are doing. Ironically students don’t even know the how of what they are doing rather they just try and match a picture of what has been presented. Students mostly learn through imitation rather than sensation. 

You can see that shifting the way in which they have participated in class or have been evaluated and praised is difficult for students. Even if they are interested in getting better at what it is they love to do, when they are challenged with change, they find it difficult. However, as soon as they “feel” movement from a different perspective which offers them more freedom of movement and range of motion and gives them the legs, feet, turns and jumps they want; the student begins to open up and explore how much more is possible for them. They are now empowered through this new vehicle and begin a new relationship with the form as well as with themselves as creative beings. 

I am really excited to share this with folks who are the teachers of students from across so many demographics and am hoping this will be a bridge builder opportunity for more sharing and creative relationships. It is exciting to see the new ways that will be available for folks to access and dive into the information in new ways. The connections and layering of both eastern and western sciences and theories is clearer than ever and will hopefully make it easier for people to understand the how of EBAS and the fundamental concepts and principles of ballet. 

Thirty Days of Thoughts: Day 11

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another chance, Believing, change, committment, Conscious Living, courage, courageous heart, Courageous Vulnerability, faith, Soul to Soul, spirit, transformation

6/12/21

All the little shifts and changes seem to be adding up. I started with this month-long writing challenge and have found myself walking more and more as well. The small adjustments seem to build a kind of energetic momentum that allow and support success in and of themselves but also for one another. 

I have chosen to start this coming week by adding in a little more exercise and get the cardio on by running and also getting back to swimming. I’m feeling adding in two runs and a swim this coming week would be a lovely goal to set and achieve. Again, starting small and letting momentum be the wind. 

I have some other things that have been crossing my mind to address such as more water and much less wine. While I do drink a lot of water, with the added exercise I need to be mindful of keeping hydrated. The biggest thing is diminishing the wine part and letting go of all those extra sugars and calories. That and the clarity of a clean body and bloodstream. 

Another thing I would like to increase is my own personal EBAS practice. It would be nice to be consistent and to use it as energy work and as a movement meditation that helps to open and center for all the writing and preparation for presenting at the conference I mentioned yesterday, and all the writing for the new workshops me and my creative partner are processing. 

I’m going to need to be a creative warrior in addition to the creative alchemist; transforming all of the ideas and information into gold. I need to continue my focus on wellness and well-being as a way of welcoming more creativity and productivity into my life and all of my work. 

It is exciting to be riding the kind of momentum that is coming from this daily writing as well as my morning pages and meditation and affirmations. I feel as if I am recognizing a part of myself that I had lost long before the pandemic as a result of so many challenges at work and in my personal life. But now, after choosing doing the heart work, I am feeling rejuvenated, inspired and as if there is hope for so much more. 

I am glad that I made a conscious choice to heal during the pandemic as opposed to hide. I committed to doing the kind of excavation that was necessary to break through some old wounds and battle scars that I have been hiding from or rather numbing from. It feels good to untangle those knots and become a weaver of a new tapestry. 

There is a lot to say about giving yourself another chance. There is so much to experience with new sensibilities and a new found curiosity of even the old patterns that you have had. I am super reinspired to be looking at the breath of my work with a new light and a new hope. There are solutions to so many questions that we just have to give it another chance. 

And so that is what is happening, giving myself, my work, my wellness another chance to really be good again. Small incremental shifts feeding off of and into one another for the kind of ecstatic energy necessary for some amazing work and sharing. It’s time to sing again literally and figuratively. It’s time to let the voice be heard and the heart to sing. Yes! 

I Think The Butterfly Knows

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acceptance, butterfly, change, changes, faith, inevitability, mindfulness, new beginning, new life, patience, peace, time, transformation, vulnerablitiy

I think the butterfly knows the hardship of transformation. They know the process takes time and understand that patience and faith are its only weapon.

I think the butterfly knows what it means to be vulnerable as on is left suspended with little defense waiting for the change. 

I think the butterfly knows the inevitability of change and what it must require of ones being to accept ones individual path to beauty and well-being. 

I think the butterfly knows how to embrace temporality as their life span is but such a small blip on the radar of time. 

I think the butterfly knows the value of being present and to welcome the tumultuous and dynamic physical shift that must occur in order to take flight. 

I think the butterfly knows what most of us human beings need to know; patience faith, vulnerability inevitability, acceptance, mindfulness and peace. 

Yes, without a doubt, I think the butterfly knows! 

Wisdom and Wellness Resides Within

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art, change, changes, courageous heart, empathy, heart, inspiration, learning, life, light, love, loving, observations, shifting paradigm, together, transformation, vulnerablitiy

I have been feeling compelled to sit down and reach out through writing once again. Looking at the date of the last post I realize I have been away for quite some time. I believe the last post was dated October first and now we are over six months beyond that. And boy has so much transpired and has changed since then. This is exactly the topic of thought that has been speaking to me recently and the need for this particular sharing.

Mind you, even despite all the recent and unprecedented shifts that the entire world has been required to take notice of, transformation has been taking place for me on many levels for quite some time now. Change that I feel has been necessary and honestly long overdue. I am just grateful I have been able to recognize the importance of that change for myself and for all of those I have ever or will ever come into contact.

The biggest most impactful impetus for deepening my spiritual and internal relationship with myself was when I began to ask questions about what there was left for me to do now that both of my boys had passed, relationship ended and being no longer in love with dance? It was an empty and bleak time of sadness, grief, and disappointment. What is left when the darkness seems to be holding your breath and your heart hostage?

Lucky for me I was doing a great deal of meditation to cope and to somehow find my breath and my heart again. In one meditation I was doing for the new year I was simply doing my best to focus on breath and to listen to my body as I have always required of my students. This particular meditation brought to  my awareness a line that said a few times “just look”. So after that meditation I felt like I understood what that meant and reached for my computer to do just that, just look.

What was I looking for, I knew I was looking for a love that needed me and a being that perhaps would shake my heart into remembering there are so many beings in need of each and everyone of us and that we are necessary and important energies to and for one another. And in this instance, I knew it was a dog. They have always been significant for me on so many levels and I knew at this point it was what the message was saying. Just look for a dog.

So there I was after my meditation opening a computer to see if there was a dog that was speaking to me; and almost as immediately as I got on the site did my little one reach out through technology releasing the strangle hold on my heart. I knew when I looked into his soulful eyes that he needed me and I most definitely needed him. But what was the likelihood this adorable puppy was still available? Well if you are a believer in synchronicity as I am, you know without a doubt things will be as they need be. And with that and a bunch of simple steps, he became mine.

This change to matter for something or someone changes us. Recognizing that we are in fact necessary for the well-being of others and that we all have tremendous gifts to give, way beyond the value of money, is transformational in and of itself. This kind of awakening is the beginning of understanding our individual ability to access a resilience that is undeniable and incredibly powerful. There is great power within when we allow ourselves to let others in despite the unmistakeable necessity of vulnerability.

Being in this state and recognizing the need for each one of us to understand we have something to offer and that we are capable of so much more than we are able to fathom in this moment is crucial. This along with accepting that we too need others in all kinds of ways to fulfill what it means to be full so we can be fully human. It is after all those that surround us who fill us up with so much that we are able to allow ourselves to have such incredible human experiences necessary for living in love.

So for the past year and a half I have been doing my best to make shifts and changes in my life that welcomes a sense of being present and aware in and of my actions. I have worked at creating more space before I speak or allowing space for others to speak. I have tried to listen to my students more by creating more space for them to feel and to recognize their bodies are speaking to them and that this space for reflection is when we can open ourselves up to this great sensorial listening. The body has so much to say and is such an incredible gift to our wellness both physically and energetically.

Slow and steady revealing of oneself is an effort filled and conscious choice we must make in order to live more energetically fulfilling lives that are well balanced, congruent and more heartfelt. It takes patience and fortitude to build a resiliency in order to give ourselves over to accepting transformation. If we are able to quiet the voice of fear we will be able to turn up the volume of our body. Once we are able to listen, we will be able to transform. It is with corporeal wisdom that we are then able to see more clearly because we are now seeing and sensing from our hearts.

Currently we are living in a frenetic and trying time. So much chaos, uncertainty and fear. And rightly so. It is a new world and one that will need a great deal of breath, compassion, empathy and love to navigate through. Yet, accepting and acknowledging that this is difficult, heartbreaking, uncomfortable and unknown is such a very great place to be in recognizing that we have a choice to welcome and embrace change and therefor be the transformation necessary for our own lives and for the lives of others. This is the time for acceptance of the self and all that we are capable of becoming and learning through being present in the midst of instability. This is resilience and thus becomes resourceful and soulful.

I must admit I am rather excited about having to shift my work into a whole new medium for myself. I accept I have a huge learning curve but also acknowledge that my students do too. We can do this together. I can be a person who might create the space for us to navigate and grapple with these shifts through the training of the body through our EBAS practice as well as creating work and making work work for us. This process is not only artistic but simultaneously is healing and heartening. We will discover what we are made of and that what we are made of is ever so beautiful and divine.

I am looking forward to creating space to allow my students to look within to find their wellspring of heart and of voice. I am looking forward to the changes I will see in myself as I do my best to welcome being present and in being forgiving of self and of others during the process. I am viewing this necessity of change as yet another part of my growth spiritually, emotionally and artistically. I recognize this is something that perhaps I have been needing and that perhaps we have all been needing. I for one am seeing my work with new eyes and with a new heart.

May we all find a way to welcome the wisdom of wellness to speak to us as we quiet ourselves through movement and the changes necessary to thrive. May we reach out if we need help. May we reach out to give hope. May we be with others in ways unknown but yet critically important. May we be the light to fill others so that we all shine for and with one another. May love light this way.