It was nice to take a breath yesterday and just focus on my presentation for the Corps de Ballet International conference yesterday. It was such a nice sharing and such a wonderful deepening of my practice through sharing.
However, I did miss spending the time letting my thoughts turn into visible words. Yes, I think writing is righting me and I am so grateful for that transformation and development of that skill for myself. I have for so long been afraid and ashamed of being dyslexic that I tried to hide rather than tried to overcome. Fear and shame do a number on us especially when we let them keep a grip on so many aspects of ourselves.
What became very clear in my sharing yesterday was that the information lives deeply within me. Through writing extensively about my research I found myself so aware of the details, the arcs and the flow of my work that I did it all without relying on my notes or the “script”. It was incredibly freeing and inspiring. When you write you learn and you know.
I presented again today and found myself in the same way. Breaking free and finding oneself sitting in the center of ones being is incredibly exhilarating. I was in practice both as a presenter but also as the practitioner. I could breathe with my students as well as direct my students. I could deepen with them and simultaneously guide them to work or go even deeper. It is such a joy to see transformation and joy being lived and experience in front of your eyes and in real time.
I think that is one of the beautiful things about the EBAS work is that it allows us the time and space we need for transformation. Imagine if we allowed time and space for ourselves in all aspects of our lives? Imagine if we listened to the language of our bodies and our gut instincts more to see how we might do so?
Several writings back I spoke of making a conscious choice to not do so much or feel a push to do creative projects during the pandemic but to rather take the time I needed to go inward for the research. It worked in ways that I am still seeing benefits in. We are writing long before we put pen to paper or type our actual first word. We need to honor that and honor the ways in which research looks very different for all of us.
The same is true of work. As a professor and an artist it may appear that I am not working because I do not hold a nine to five job, but oddly, I am really working whenever I am awake and wonderfully when my dreams are making all kinds of sense out of those profound connections during the waking hours.
This another reminder that we can’t all follow one particular value system. It just doesn’t work. Work looks different just like we all look different. Different work happens differently for different people. And it’s this realization that has helped me to relearn what my work looks like as I re(w)right my life and find great acceptance of the ways I work best and make my best work.