Returning to (W)right

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Believing, Conscious Living, courage, Courageous Vulnerability, Soul to Soul, spirit, writer, Writing, writing as a practice

It was nice to take a breath yesterday and just focus on my presentation for the Corps de Ballet International conference yesterday. It was such a nice sharing and such a wonderful deepening of my practice through sharing.

However, I did miss spending the time letting my thoughts turn into visible words. Yes, I think writing is righting me and I am so grateful for that transformation and development of that skill for myself. I have for so long been afraid and ashamed of being dyslexic that I tried to hide rather than tried to overcome. Fear and shame do a number on us especially when we let them keep a grip on so many aspects of ourselves.

What became very clear in my sharing yesterday was that the information lives deeply within me. Through writing extensively about my research I found myself so aware of the details, the arcs and the flow of my work that I did it all without relying on my notes or the “script”. It was incredibly freeing and inspiring. When you write you learn and you know.

I presented again today and found myself in the same way. Breaking free and finding oneself sitting in the center of ones being is incredibly exhilarating. I was in practice both as a presenter but also as the practitioner. I could breathe with my students as well as direct my students. I could deepen with them and simultaneously guide them to work or go even deeper. It is such a joy to see transformation and joy being lived and experience in front of your eyes and in real time.

I think that is one of the beautiful things about the EBAS work is that it allows us the time and space we need for transformation. Imagine if we allowed time and space for ourselves in all aspects of our lives? Imagine if we listened to the language of our bodies and our gut instincts more to see how we might do so?

Several writings back I spoke of making a conscious choice to not do so much or feel a push to do creative projects during the pandemic but to rather take the time I needed to go inward for the research. It worked in ways that I am still seeing benefits in. We are writing long before we put pen to paper or type our actual first word. We need to honor that and honor the ways in which research looks very different for all of us.

The same is true of work. As a professor and an artist it may appear that I am not working because I do not hold a nine to five job, but oddly, I am really working whenever I am awake and wonderfully when my dreams are making all kinds of sense out of those profound connections during the waking hours.

This another reminder that we can’t all follow one particular value system. It just doesn’t work. Work looks different just like we all look different. Different work happens differently for different people. And it’s this realization that has helped me to relearn what my work looks like as I re(w)right my life and find great acceptance of the ways I work best and make my best work.

Thirty Days of Thoughts: Day 24

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Ballet, Believing, Conscious Living, courage, Courageous Vulnerability, Creative Flow, creative process, Creativity, Dance, dyslexic, faith, healing, letting go, love, momentum, progress, queer creativity, releasing, releasing fear, releasing shame, Soul to Soul, spirit, Writing, writing as a practice, young relationships

We become who we are by simply being and doing. We evolve into our fullest selves when we are present in our lives and paying close attention to the moments that accumulate the momentum to break open the space for our spirit to flourish. We must always be in a state of active being, doing and creating. 

Every single one of us is a creative being. We are solution seekers, problem solvers and dream makers. All of us are alchemists turning our own very lead into our own very gold. That is why we are constantly being reminded that there is plenty of abundance and prosperity for each and every one of us. It is ours to make, do and be. 

As I have been writing all month in the personal challenge I have written on an accumulative DOC so that I can see my progress; my momentum. And yes, as I have taken responsibility for not writing every day, as I scroll through my writing I realize I have “exercised” this muscle a lot. I have created momentum regardless. 

It’s another example of incremental success that I have to acknowledge and then also be grateful for. Oddly I do write in my journal of morning pages daily. That practice has come from Julia Cameron’s, The Artist’s Way. A practice that changed my creative life many years ago that I continue to keep. It has helped to quiet the mind and clear the space to face the day with a sense of openness. What is different about that and these writings is the next step of sharing the thoughts in a public forum. 

The step of vulnerability is a huge shift. Opening one’s thoughts to others is a little revealing and takes courage and confidence to stand in one’s own ideas and ideals. Especially when you are dyslexic such as myself. It is easier to hand write in a journal and not have to worry about writing and getting the spelling and grammar correct. Or to be able to carry a through line for your reader. But the risk far outweighs not doing so. Especially when you can literally see your momentum. 

I also recognize momentum in the affirmation/meditation books I read as part of my morning rituals. I started two new books at the beginning of the year and every day I watch myself open the book and find that with every turn of the page, I get closer to the end. I build on that success one day at a time. Again another visual reminder that slow and steady wins the race. 

I also should share that as a young guy, a child and teen, I never read. I was so busy outside doing and being that I never really picked up books. It wasn’t something I did, was part of my family upbringing or was an interest. So not reading was big in my slower development as a writer and kept me safe from the uncomfortable recognition that I was dyslexic. 

All that said I remember being shamed and humiliated by my first love when he ridiculed me for not reading. Telling me I would never finish a book in my life and never be smart enough to read as much as he did. Crazy right, that as a 17 year old you hear someone you love shame you for something you can’t help, haven’t learned or has not been a part of your culture? 

Nevertheless I have accumulated quite a library in addition to diving deeply into my research and my work. That as well as reading for pure pleasure. Book by book filling shelves by shelves and building my own transformation by simply doing and being. And every time I close a book that I finish, I hold that book up and say, “Well, there’s another one Scott”.

So one book at a time, one page at a time, one moment at a time and we then have momentum. We can see our progress not only in the accumulation of material, but in the transformation of ourselves. We are able to then recognize the shifts and changes in our voice, our awareness and ultimately our gifts. 

Bit by bit, choice but choice, change by change; we become our fullest potential.

Thirty Days of Thoughts: Day 9

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Believing, change, choices, Conscious Living, courage, Courageous Vulnerability, faith, love, practice, Soul to Soul, space, spirit, writing as a practice

6/10/21

This morning ritual has been a delight to move through that space I spoke of yesterday and to do so with my boys right here at my side. We seemed to have carved out a time where we can be in silence together connecting and grounding before our day ahead. 

Once they have gone out and eaten, both of them head over to the couch to their positions flanking me and leaving just enough space for me to do my thing. They patiently relax and wait for me to get through my journaling and reading of my daily affirmations and meditation. 

Once that is complete I know it is time for attending to the new ritual of this writing challenge. I realized the momentum is actually picking up and the shift in having to write is turning into a joy to write. Writing is becoming much more like a practice than a chore. It got me thinking about movement being a life practice for me and why not giving energy to other aspects of my life. In fact is not life a practice in itself? 

It is kind of simple when you stop to think of it. What if we created a series of practices for ourselves while creating the space to engage in them on a daily basis? That space I spoke of yesterday is a practice. Putting space in the in between is a practice. Making changes in our lives is a practice. 

Anything we wish to learn, explore, achieve and become takes practice. Why shouldn’t being a good person be the same. It takes practice to be mindful of your words. It takes practice to listen to people. It takes practice to be kind. It takes practice to rewire our ways of thinking, neuromuscular pathways and our gratitude. 

With practice one can shift so many things. With practice we get better. With practice it gets better. But to practice we have to choose a practice. That choice is necessary for the change. That little bit of awareness, time and space will be the difference of a fulfilled and present life. A life in practice. 

Thirty Days of Thoughts

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Ballet, courage, courageous heart, Dance, Energy, faith, healing, hope, love, modern dance, science, sharing, space, spirituality, Technique, Writing, writing as a practice

So here it is, the 30th day of April, the day I embark on my challenge to write more and practice the art of sharing my thoughts through words. I normally share my perspective through abstract images created in a kinetic space by the carving of that space with the human body. Yes, I typically arrange bodies, time and ideas through the form of dance. I am a choreographer.

For some time now I have been feeling the need to share in a different medium yet have not had the courage enough to express my thoughts in a written format. I have, for the longest time, been afraid of writing due to my fear of not possessing the skills to do so eloquently or technically. Being this is the time for me to move within myself to find the courage to shift many of the things in my life, I have decided to challenge myself through sharing and transparency.

Life is a practice. My life in dance and healing has been a huge practice. Why is it that I should think I should be good at writing without the same intent and discipline? I should not. So, here it is, Thirty Days of Thoughts.

I welcome you to follow me through my challenge. I welcome your feedback. I welcome your energy. I welcome your support. I may not get it all “right”, but I promise myself to get it all done. Some thoughts may be short; some maybe long. The point is to practice and share in order to build confidence and momentum. Therefor, let the flow begin.