140 Days of Sitting

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acceptance, allowing, becoming, beleif, Believing, bliss, body, change, changes, compassion, Conscious Living, courage, courageous heart, Courageous Vulnerability, Creative Flow, Creativity, Dance, development, Energy, faith, health, heart, heart path, hope, humanity, inspiration, journey, learning, letting go, life, light, listening, love, Mindful Action, patience, peace, sharing, Soul to Soul, spirit, spirituality, Teaching, universal consciousness, universal heart, well being, Wonder

Today marks the 140th day of a meditation practice that I began as a 40 day challenge. To say that this time has been transformative would be completely denying the fullness of what sitting in peace has done for me. I am incredibly grateful for choosing to sit and practice my spiritual journey and do so with a commitment I have not had in decades.

Somewhere along the way of becoming I got lost in the going. Dreams, desires and societal and cultural expectations simply knocked me off balance. That of course is understandable when we succumb to the illusion of the busyness of being. We are sold that to be busy is to be successful. To be busy is to be validated. This is especially true in academia where I live to butter my bread.

Drifting through a sea of disillusionment it is easy to get lost when the goals are not congruent or in alignment with the true vibration of you. We think to know and yet what matters most is that we should feel to know and better yet, understand. And as the rocks tumble in this avalanche of despair we are seeing all around us, we see and feel how fear seems to be getting the best of us.

I made a conscious choice to heal while Covid ravaged our very existence. In a time of heightened fear, I chose freedom. In a time of chaos, I chose quietude. In a time of heartbreak, I chose healing. This is the key element in allowing ourselves the time and space to heal ourselves of the hurt, shame, trauma and fear that we have been collecting as well as spreading. For one can’t but help hurt others of in fact they are hurt themselves. Choosing to break the cycle of pain takes the courage to make the choice for change.

I realize not everyone believes in meditation nor is it part of many belief systems. Yet, what is part of all spiritual paths is the simple thread of the power of love that is woven through them all. For me, meditation has been a way to return to loving myself and therefore all those around me. Perhaps your path is different in the form of finding oneself, but regardless, sitting in meditation and opening the magnetic field of love that emanates from the heart is what allows for magic, wonderment and awe.

There have been many transformative, synchronistic and enchanted moments during these past 140 days. For this my heart is grateful. My body is also grateful. In addition, the energy I live in continues to make me giddy with ecstasy like I have not felt in years.

From where I sit now, all I can see is possibility. As I heal, I grow. As I grow, I become. As I become, I am able to welcome all that is in true alignment with the most beautiful vibration of me and the me that I can be. I accept and allow to do more good, no, more great in the world. I have it to give. And so I shall.

Possibilities Abound

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acceptance, allowing, becoming, beleif, Believing, bliss, body knowledge, change, compassion, Conscious Living, courage, Courageous Vulnerability, Creative Flow, Creativity, development, Dream, Energy, faith, heart, heart path, hope, humanity, inspiration, journey, joy, learning, life, light, love, Magic, Mindful Action, peace, sharing, Soul to Soul, spirit, spirituality, universal consciousness, universal heart, well being, Wonder

Since Covid I have found myself giving over to healing from so much of my past that I never allowed myself the time to heal from. Despite the horrific tragedy of the pandemic and all of the lives lost and devastating heartbreak, I committed to choosing healing the heart as a way of taking time to honor the space of this moment.

A few years into what I have deemed my heart work, I am so grateful I made that choice and stuck with it as life returned to a new normal. What didn’t return was the man I was pre-pandemic. And for all of this I am able to see the immense change in who I am, what I desire and what is truly possible when one begins living from the heart and unconditional love.

As I diligently engage my meditation practice, my affirmation practice, my running practice, my waking practice, my movement practices and even my hypnosis; I see the abundance of possibilities that are there for me. Not a day goes by or a dream expressed that I don’t see the potential for a whole new life, mind and way of living.

Decisions have been made for huge shifts and transformative opportunities which slowly begin to reveal themselves in so many synchronicities and ah ha moments. I have returned to so many instinctual remembrance’s that all whisper that this is the right direction and path for my voice of the heart to begin speaking and literally singing once again.

This is the time and I realize, now more than ever, that the work I do, share and creates are needed now. My sensitivity, empathy, compassion and love is needed now. In these challenging and very turbulent times, I am needed now. As are you.

If we are going to move the world into the space of love, we all are needed now. In all of the many different ways, being and becoming; we are all so desperately needed for a time of healing for ourselves and for one another. The earth needs us. Our hearts need us. All that you love needs us.

In acknowledging that you are needed and putting the energy and focus in that loving space; possibilities will abound. You are capable of magic and miracles. We all are capable of magic and miracles. I choose magic and miracles each and every day. And let me tell you, it is divine.

Running Into Love

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allowing, becoming, Believing, Conscious Living, courage, Courageous Vulnerability, heart, heart path, inspiration, love, Mindful Action, Movement, Running, Soul to Soul, spirit, spirituality, universal heart, well being

I have recently committed to running again and just completed my fourth run into this new challenge. Since Covid and all the upheaval that came from all of that, I have found I needed to return to my body in a physical way outside of dance so that I could engage in a very different movement meditation than I am so used to. Running has always been that joy so I have decided it time tomorrow return to that love.

During my run today I found myself hearing this line which is the title of this post; running into love. I run without headphones and outside where I can be in nature and commune with the trees and animals to better drop into the meditative energy of what running does for me. Today was no exception and one of those download days.

When I heard running into love I immediately felt the profound connection as to what this commitment meant for me and why this return to joy was really about me running into the love of myself, my body and my spirit. Showing up for myself and letting my repetitive movement take me through space without the need to make, create or form movement for anyone rather than for myself is a huge shift for me. And that shift feels so good.

Taking the time to open my day so as to open my heart and release my legs through space has been so deeply satisfying and I can already feel the shifts both physiologically and physically in my form. Another reminder at just how quick we can transform ourselves in such little time with a simple commitment to loving ourselves in the ways that feel so very right for each and every one of us. Running just feels so right for me and reminds me that in all things, it must feel right and be in alignment with myself. If I am in that flow, transformative energy is engaged and the animation of spirit activated.

I am so grateful that I am simply showing up to run regardless of time, distance or ego. I begin and keep going until I feel like my body has done what it has needed to do. And undoubtedly, I have added distance and reduced the amount of time it takes to go those distances. Drop in, open the heart and let the magic flow. And like all things that are right for us, the good work happens right then and there. The good work of being exactly who you are, meant to be and in the act of love.

As I return to running I am invariably returning to the love of myself. Running into love is an act of rebellion in that it actively shifts mind and body to radically become the very best I can be in this moment. The very best of me loving myself, my body and this amazing life.

What are you “running” into?

Remembering The Joy Of You

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allowing, becoming, Believing, change, Conscious Living, courage, courageous heart, Courageous Vulnerability, faith, growth, heart, humanity, inspiration, journey, joy, letting go, life, light, love, Mindful Action, Soul to Soul, spirit, spirituality, universal consciousness, universal heart, Vulnerable, well being

There often seems to be moments as of late when I am reminded of so many of the joys that have somehow escaped my life and I have unfortunately missed for some time. For so many of us, our lives get so busy and so focused that we lose track of the simple joys that filled our hearts and our bodies with such positive energy and happiness. Lately, by taking conscious time out for myself, I am started to feel those joys returning. And for this I am grateful.

Oddly, this isn’t as if I am searching to go back to something, but it is more like I am remembering the essence of who I am and the joys are deeply connected to that reminder. I look back over the past ten years and can see the slow numbing of the energy within that brought so many of those joys to life. During that time I lost the compass of my spirit and therefore the joys that were simple a part of the essence of my being.

Now, as I allow myself to fulfill my true nature, all of a sudden the things that brought so much joy are now re-emerging into so many aspects of my life. Fear, anger, shame and guilt are very powerful and suffocate our joys and the heartbreaking thing is that we often don’t realize it while in a state of hurt, grief or disappointment. But I assure you, the joys are still there albeit they may be presently unseen.

In fact, the joys never left you. Nor the essence of your true being. The noise, the conditioning, the chaos and the turmoil of the current moment may have buried them so deeply, but I assure you, the light of you is still there. It is your sacred energy and as we all know, you do not destroy energy, it is just transformed.

So in reality, if it was transformed once, it can be transformed again. Yes! You can return to the light if you but not by going back, but by going forward. Forge ahead so that you can meet yourself once again. Forge ahead so that you can walk in the light of you. Forge ahead so that your dreams can once again see the light of day. And remember, it is never too late.

Welcoming Inspiration

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allowing, change, changes, Conscious Living, courage, Courageous Vulnerability, Creative Flow, creative process, Creativity, heart, hope, inspiration, Mindful Action, Soul to Soul, spirit, universal consciousness, universal heart

In these turbulent times with our hearts and minds being pulled in so many different directions, it is now more important than ever to be opening ourselves up and welcoming inspiration back into our lives. If we are truly desiring transformation then we have to take this moment to allow the space for ourselves to commune with our desires and the inspiration to create a whole new life for ourselves.

When was the last time you took time out to remove yourself from the chaos and the noise and convene with nature? Is it possible for even just a few moments to sit by a tree, admire some flowers or dangle your feet in a stream? Nature speaks to us in a language that the heart understands with the heart being able to translate to us all through love.

When was the last time you took yourself to a museum, a play, to hear live music, to take an art class, to absorb all the beautiful things that the arts offer? Is it possible for just a few moments to consciously choose to let the arts speak to the heart in a language of creation which the heart understands?

It’s within these moments of pause and grace that we create the space to welcome inspiration. We have to willingly open space for ourselves to be able to listen to the majesty of nature, the magic of the arts and the creative spirit within. If we carve out these moments for ourselves we will open up space for the true nature of our beings and finally find the space to listen to our true selves.

If you wish for great change, you must make space for that change to take place. If you wish for a dream, you must willfully open time to have experiences that allow you to listen to the creative spirit within your hearts. If you want the life you always imagined, welcome inspiration within the space and time of your choosing. One moment welcomes the moment and momentum always favors the willing.

Lifting Lines/Morphing Visions-

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inspiration, lessons learned, letting go, life, love, loving, Mindful Action, observations, open mind, opportunity, simple thought, thoughts

Only Magical thinking lives within our thoughts

Imagining the sounds, I am able to vision a different ending

My mind consciousness like smoke

My ritual is love and attention

Memorizing finally forgotten

I could love again

Misplaced Bag

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Believing, Conscious Living, contemporary dance, courage, Courageous Vulnerability, Creative Flow, Creativity, Dance, Energy, heart path, journey, Magic, Mindful Action, modern dance, Teaching, universal consciousness, universal heart

I made it to Paris with only one hitch. My bag somehow took a flight to Charlotte instead of Philly with me. As I was the last one standing at CDG, I soon realized I had an issue. All my clothes and toiletries were still in the states as I stood at carousel 3 waiting for my bag. Calmly. I waited.

I then went to the baggage claim area attendant to make a report and file the missing luggage. This was when I was told that someone in Richmond put my bag on a plane to where I was not. Isn’t that against TSA regulations? I digress.

Anyway, on a positive note, I only had my bags on my shoulders to carry on the RER and Metro to find my apartment. So I started my journey a little lighter than expected. The good thing was that if all went well, someone would hand deliver my outfits,  unmentionables and toiletries directly to my door. Yet, I admit I was nervous that there was no real way to contact me and since I was staying in an apartment rather than a hotel, it would be a little more difficult to actually get the bad delivered.

At present I sit waiting in my apartment. I do know the bag made it to Paris and is supposedly on its way to being delivered. I have stayed at the apartment save the time I went out shopping for coffee, breakfast goodies and a few other nash items. Still no word or call. They do have the land line, but I know they didn’t call while I was gone as there were no messages left and no record of incoming calls.

The rest of the day has been full of classical music wafting throughout the apartment with much writing and reading on my part. I have been forced to take a day of quiet contemplation and rest. Much needed rest and much desired quiet time as well. I often forget how much I like quiet and alone time. As I mentioned before in my writing, I do like embracing my introvert behaviors and often do not honor them enough. Clearly someone at RIC decided I needed to get reacquainted with that part of myself.

None the less, I am here and in perfect bliss. Staying in an apartment in the 3rd Arr. in Paris while I have time to think and to expand my current understanding of time, I am in a Scott heaven. It is so nice to be back here and in a place that is congruent with my pace of life and with the workings and wirings of my being.

I am often in a position where I question myself within the confines of my culture and feel as if the way in which my brain works, I process, and desire to walk the path of my life is somehow not as good as others. Yes, I often feel as if the way in which I am put together is oddly enough not acknowledged or honored.

Living a non-western life within a western culture is a little difficult at times. Being an introvert in an extrovert world is also challenging as introverts are seldom recognized for their thought process or quiet and contemplative ways. As if it wasn’t enough being a second class citizen who is a dancer and gay at that. Adding up all the marks against me I often wonder why I haven’t given up all together?

Yet, I know the answer to that. I do. I realize that I am making choices in my life that are right for me. I have taken the heat for it over and over again, but still make the choices that are congruent with my heart speak. In doing so, one is often labeled as the mean one or the one who speaks out when he shouldn’t. Even though it needs to be said and everyone knows it, still the ass for saying it. Which is also odd being that I prefer not to speak in the first place. I hate public speaking.

But is it any wonder that I prefer the art of dance where I do not have to speak in public at all? Not at all. I like the abstract world of contemporary imagistic ephemeral moments that take people deep within their own reality to suggest questions that sometimes do not get asked. Yes, I like to pose a question without speaking words but by merely crafting an image to plant the seed of thought. Even if it needs attending to or gets trampled on, I like that way of communicating the best.

And now that I have found the confidence to share my thoughts and ideas through words, it is no wonder that the words are on a page or screen that still keep me at a safe distance in a way that allows a reader to absorb it in the ways in which are best or most appropriate for them. I am finding that communicating in this form is helping me to find the right ways in which to read a different audience than a dance audience. As well as it helps me to even crystalize and create my three dimensional story telling in space.

I have always had a dream that I whispered to the universe of wanting to write a book. And this I am doing. It is taking me time, but I write daily the meanderings of my thoughts on technique and choreography. They are not traditional thoughts by any means. They are rooted in very eastern practices with clearly more unique ways of attending to the art of listening to the process rather than manufacturing a product. I am embracing this as I have embraced the time a lost bag can help a lost heart.

 

Present Living and Loving

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Conscious Living, courage, Courageous Vulnerability, Dream, faith, heart, heart path, hope, love, Mindful Action, path, present living and loving, universal consciousness, universal heart

The best way to speak of love is to live in love. The best way to share a dream is to live in the presence of it. The only way one can truly speak of anything is through their actions. Words are abstract intellectual musings that do not compare to the present moment of the action. There is an immediacy in the art of living that cannot be matched by representations of what has passed. Spend time in the presence of love and in the fulfillment of your hearts dreams. It is here that we resonate with every other single humane being who has ever been or will ever be.

 

Accepting the Right to Wave the Wand

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acceptance, Ballet, Believing, choreography, Conscious Living, contemporary dance, courage, Courageous Vulnerability, Creative Flow, Creativity, Dance, Energy, faith, heart, heart path, journey, Mindful Action, Modern, modern dance, Seeing, Soul to Soul, spirit, universal heart, Vulnerable

Perhaps it is time to acknowledge once again the vibrations of my being. I admitted to myself that I am a healer and that in doing so I accepted myself as a being healing both body and soul through the art of dance. This past year has been transformative in ways that I could not have possibly imagined. Ironically, one of the biggest people who have transformed from this shift in conscious acceptance has been me.

The year has been a journey, but the year is now in the past and I stand at a present fork in the road. The choice is to move forward adding to or to move around and circle back. As I face this choice, I realize I must move forward. To accept myself, as just a healer is not the complete fully vibrational being I am. I know there is much missing; much left undone and undiscovered.

What is speaking to me in this moment of choosing is the creative heart. I have been very prolific this year, yes. However, I have not fully realized the wealth of this stream. I have waded, but I have not immersed myself fully and let the currents of this universal creative flow carry me. The choice to make is to travel the path of the river flowing towards the vast ocean of creative wonder and ultimately creative surrender.

I realize that being a healer and acknowledging myself and my gifts in this arena was more a journey of healing myself. I am figuring that out now and will continue to heal others and myself through movement as I add in another claim. I was given a name not too long ago that brought much light and laughter but in really looking at it, the universe is nudging me to accept my name in the role at which I need to embrace. Now, I have chosen to absorb the identity that was gently whispered making the two parts of my being whole.

The path I choose is to float with faith as a healing wizard. An enchanted being healing and crating with magic and wonder. It is time to be bold in my artistic statements letting the vision create transformative enchanted landscapes by the light of the stars. This is but a development of a healer and an expansion of the creative voice no longer fearing the clamoring of the doubtful and fearful crowd.

What magic will be revealed as the healing and kinetic spells are cast? This is the right of waving the creative wand.

Words for the dancers of “Blind Sight”

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Believing, choreography, contemporary dance, courage, Courageous Vulnerability, Creative Flow, Dance, faith, heart, journey, joy, light, love, Mindful Action, modern dance, Soul to Soul, Teaching, Technique, training

Blind Sight

 

If you were to possess the ability to see, that which does not exist, you would most clearly understand the depth and expanse of your immediate reality. You would understand that there are things that surround you, carry you, and support the very vibration that is you.

 

If you could allow yourself to trust in the Universe to guide you, humble yourself in faith so deep you would radiate the light, you would believe that underneath it all, you already possess the wings to fly.

 

What you do not know does not mean it is not already there. You already embody what is needed to soar beyond your wildest imaginings and the question now is whether you will be able to see it inside yourself and in those that surround you at this present moment.

 

There is a great animal inside of you. Let it be free. Let it be your companion on this journey tonight. You have built a relationship with it to no longer fear it. Wild does not mean without heart, it means living with an enchanted abandonment that our hearts hunger to express. Run alongside that animal, for it is the very embodiment of the spirit within.

 

These are the spirits I see with my blind sight; the spirit of your true nature in all of its glory. Do you have the courage to see it yourself while allowing for a moment, others to see it in you, too?